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9KVanessa, but i prefer Ness , ❤❤ USUALLY START 3 ᗩᗰ TIᒪᒪ 11 ᗩᗰ UTC, 22 y.o.
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To Start on-line video press there
Just know you won’t really care about him at all if a few weeks. It hurts bad in the beginning, but it goes away fast. He wasn’t the one. You can definitely find another guy you like!
Its different in every relationship tbh. My boyfriend and I agreed not to watch porn as we both see it as cheating and we both see it as we should be the only people making each other horny, its our job to satisfy our partners yk? You might have to talk to your wife and see what she thinks and what her boundaries are.
Look I think him getting lapdances isn't really something you can be mad at. You have admitted you did it together and without a conversation about it you can't have any expectations about that. Thats not to say you can't feel your feelings just voice them to him. So I understand your feelings of loss of trust but from his perspective in that instance he wouldn't know that it is like that for you. Yah know?
The money thing is 100% different though. If you're sharing finances then you absolutely have a reason to be totally upset about that.
At the end of the day your options are talk to him about it, break up or just get over it. I know that sounds harsh but really what else is there?
Are there no legal recourse you coud take against him? Or move in with your parents or friends. This is not a way to on-line. Are there no NGO ms for women suffering from domestic violence? Are you from middle eastern or south Asian country?
Wow I am so sorry you went through this, and glad you got out. I am fortunate enough that I haven’t had a partner physically hurt me like this, but I did have a “frienemy” situation at a kid- a popular girl who would accidentally hurt me only I always thought deep down it wasn’t an accident. This post immediately reminded me of that
Just say no.
That’s kinda how I feel. She threatens to move out every time things don’t go her way anyway lol. But I’m also wanting to just avoid more drama
The visual aid sounds legit, imagination doesn't work for everybody. If he a decent guy, he probably has standards for content that doesn't feel like exploitation to him.
You can’t begin the process of truly separating while still living together, and still being intimate.
There is no good outcome for you, in that setup with that kind of person.
You need to have your own space to process what’s happening and begin separating emotionally.
In any healthy headspace, anyone would read the scenarios you described and know, immediately and without reservation, that this is a toxic person who will only do you harm by having in your life, but you don’t see that because emotions and feelings are overwhelming any objectivity. And your emotions and feelings are only being exacerbated by continuing to be physically intimate with him.
Your mental health is like a row boat. He’s like a big hole in your row boat.
Having him near, having sex with him is pulling the plug out of that hole, letting water just flood in. And now you’re trying to get the water out with a big hole still in the bottom of the boat. With great effort you may manage to keep afloat, at least for now, but you’ll never be okay, or whole, or in a good state.
The sooner you plug that hole, the sooner you get away from him and can start getting the water out of your boat, the sooner you’ll be whole again.
Imagine if roles were reversed on fender and it was a guy wanking off next to her. If she came forward upset because she didn't consent to it you would defend her. Why is it that you immediately assume that he has negative qualities?
INFO – have to talked to him about this? If so what was his reaction?
My SO is an avid gamer so I might have some insight but I need the extra info
? Only “every 2-4 days”…. Oh man to be young again.
It's not really possible for a LDR partner to provide the level of attention required for a fully mutually satisfactory romantic relationship with most people.
So it's not surprising that you're seeking other sources of attention. If it's not causing problems, and if all it takes to satisfy your needs is a little friendly conversation, then I wouldn't worry about it.
But if you're feeling perpetually unsatisfied, it might be time to confront the fact that a LDR is not for you (which would put you in the majority).
What do you imagine happening at the bar?
Studies have shown that with each child you can expect to be at least 5 to 10 lbs heavier than before and to usually keep that weight. It's how womens body work.
Thats because they eat too much. How about looking into some studies in non-western countries where the consumerism/stuffing of ones face constantly is not the norm.
Additionally, you're speaking as if a man is never there to help; as if women are just taking care of their kid all by themselves. Fantasy
My girlfriend of five years initially saw porn as cheating, I put in real effort to try to change my actions but never could seem to being as I had watched daily for many years up to that point. Eventually my girlfriend compromised and changed her mind on how she felt about pornography being used. If it's something that you feel unable to change despite actual effort it's worth communicating that to your partner. Obviously try to be respectful and not demanding, Remind her that you're committed to her and her only. Sometimes it's unreasonable to expect someone to change something that feels natural
You’ll pay for the kitchen and he’ll dump you. DO NOT PAY FOR IT.
the problem is not finding partners, but keeping them
You say you don’t want anything serious, but being serious is what keeps a partner around. So either be how you are and not ask for much, but then you won’t get much, and relationships will come and go. Or pursue something more, recognize you’ll still be rejected and end up rejecting others too, but over time you’ll find one who’s worth sticking around for and feels the same about you.
I have never had a child, but here is my experience as a dog owner for 12 years.
I ADORED my dog. When she passed away last January it hit me harder than when my mom passed away in 2011.
My gf (almost 50) and I (43F) are both huge dog lovers. She had a dog that passed away before I met her. She was a great “stepmom” to my dog for 4.5 years.
We have discussed AT LENGTH that while we both miss having a dog around, we do not want to start all over at square one as we finally have our “freedom” – not worrying about walks, daycare, vet bills, boarding, grooming, etc.
If my partner all of a sudden started hinting at getting a puppy I would shut that down pretty quickly, and vice versa.
You have already gone through raising one child, who now has a child of his own. I would consider being a grandmother to a kid I am not 100% responsible for to be a huge score.
You most definitely should not be taken on a guilt trip for being honest about your feelings and the reasons why you don’t want to go there again. Please consider how resentful you may become if you do “give in”.
Therapy seems to be the best path going forward, I hope everything works out for you all.
Also there are ethical implications with this as well. Free or not, there are limitations. If you are in an unhealthy situation and cannot heal because of that, you are also taking up someone else’s opportunity to heal. I’ve had to dismiss patients who do not try, or who no-show frequently has it becomes unethical. We can’t just provide treatment when it isn’t changing the situation.
Women who are married and happy in their relationship don’t send other married men heart emojis.
He is meeting a need for her. Could be attention, a different level of conversation, attraction, feeling wanted, etc. Could be she admires him for any number of reasons (looks, intelligence, professional work ethic, how he parents his kids, whatever) and doesn’t know how to differentiate between healthy and detached acknowledgment of these qualities and needing to be closer to the actual person.
It could be that something she feels she is lacking in herself is represented in this guy and she’s drawn to it. Conscious or subconscious.
How’s your relationship? You seem to want to solve the case without her involved. You’re doing detective work without actually discussing things for what they are. Has she expressed needs to you that aren’t being met? (This isn’t transferal of blame, it’s just offering you possible answers you may already have)
What she’s doing isn’t obviously “inappropriate”, because it’s not sexual. But she’s still inviting this man into places of her life that should be reserved for you. The reasons why vary greatly, and aren’t always “she’s a dirty rotten cheater who will always cheat”. Sounds like you guys need counselling – together and individual.
Bottom line from a female perspective: this isn’t healthy. It’s not innocent for either married party. Open up a dialogue sooner rather than later and get some help together.
Screenshot this and send it to your GF bud
I wouldn’t brush anything. I’d be the one leaving first. When he yelled I want a divorce, that was his go to before anything else, so to me that means alright we are going scorched earth here, bye. So leave him. Have your parents help get your crap from the new place, put your ring on the counter and leave. Find a divorce lawyer and get it does as fast as possible. You don’t have kids. Make it quick and painless.
Move on, shes chosing friends over her bf…. its obvious who shes more interested in. Find someone who deserves u
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You want advice on how to deal with your babies’s grandmother (who created the eggs they came from) showering with them?
At this point, I just don’t think you’re mature enough for a FWB.
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I’m due in 5 weeks
Fair. You're right.
It’s gotta be depressing knowing that your partner is just doing it to placate you
Stop playing her game, and go no contact. Can't be manipulated if she's blocked. If that's not a reasonable option right now, then limit contact where possible.
Yeah, I agree…..that was a BIG mistake. Loosing my key was the biggest mistake
You're combing through her search history, and you wonder why she's searching about abuse?
*facepalm*
What do you do? You break up. Tell her your breaking up because she was pushing you for a marriage commitment before you hardly got to know her.
Are they not gender separated?
Communicate what is putting your behavior off…
“Sorry I didn't mean to make you think that you've done something. Work is just been a bit much today.”
Like label what is to blame, and if you can why.
Thats what im saying :/ whats the point. I have more fun spending time with my friend than being at home with him lately because he just doesn’t interact with me
Let him read this post
Stop worrying about “stressing” your wife out. Unless she has actual health problems, she can take some normal stress. She's pregnant, not dying.
It's time for you to put your foot down. Your wife is being fatphobic, and that's not an okay dynamic in your family as it is, but especially not as it will be. Others have been saying she needs therapy; maybe, or maybe she needs education. Especially if you have a girl or femme-presenting child, her fatphobia could cause your child to develop an eating disorder.
NIP THIS IN THE BUD. To be specific: it's in the bud NOW.
I'm so confused. What is the letter even saying???
I've never heard of a 5-day bachelor party, before.
Well… generally if two people are married the savings are viewed as theirs, so it would be reasonable for her to be able to use some of it.
Still might be worth raising it as a possibility to her.
I slept in separate bed until our baby was 2 years 6 months and at 3 years old now he still sleeps in our bed does your baby have naps? Our baby stopped having naps at 7 months old and at night only slept for 6-8 hours and even now only sleeps for 6 hours most nights sometimes and any attempt at putting him to bed ends up with 2 hours of him screaming or if he does sleep then being the one that wakes everyone up 2 hours early, at 10 months you still have a lot of child development to get through so maybe your going to have to mature a bit and realise not everything will be exactly what you want and maybe try to get parenting advice because soon your kid will be walking and destroying your house in the name of having fun and learning, you can't handle baby not sleeping then your probably not going to be sane once the child is 3 years old
Lose her? You never had her. If you respect her, you’ll back off, and maybe she will want to be friends. Don’t be that guy.
Not everyone is a good test taker but you tested a 39 year old ????get out and do better, you have already wasted about 120 days loooooollllll
I am sure this sucks to find out and honestly shame on the now former best friend but you weren‘t married at the time in fact you weren’t even engaged – you were long distance dating. She confirmed what the friend told you, realized that alcohol played a role in this and really doesn’t drink anymore. Do you really want to throw away what has been up until this point an amazing relationship on something that took place when you weren’t engaged/married? It is too naked to find someone you love and loves you to be so caviller as to throw it all away.
At least he’s not shitting into a bucket
Why has he not talked to you?
It depends on the answer.
If it’s because you royally screwed up and he’s upset with you, try for an apology before you wish him happy birthday. If it’s because he has sand in his boxers about something and rather than talk as adults, he’s giving you the silent treatment, then no don’t wish him a happy birthday.
If it’s something in the middle, then you need to decide what you want to do.
No what you and your wife do to your mom is rude. I suspect that if you didn’t have a toddler, her grandchild, that you would not see your mom, as she would be too ashamed of you to want you in her life.
So first you pull your head out of your arse. Then you sit your wife down and tell her to pull her head out of her arse. Then you apologise to your mom.
she messaged a guy she met on tinder on her instagram after 3 years and I had to explain to her how I thought that was disrespectful to our marriage and she didn’t think so. They only talked for 2 days only about sexual desires before he was deployed.
She's not only telling your personal Medical details to others, but is disrespecting you and your marriage. She talked to this guy for 2 days only because he got deployed, once he's back she'll start talking to him again because for her talking about her sexual desires to a random guy while being married is not a breach of boundaries. You've been forgiving her and that has enabled her to walk over you time and again. For once take pity on yourself and end this marriage where you're not respected at all.
You like inbred porn plus you're rationalizing fucking animals.
Please see a shrink
I’m really funny about my phone. It’s never on dnd but if I was scrolling Reddit or typing a comment and my husband came in I will exit out immediately. I couldn’t even tell you why I do it. I’m not cheating. But then I’ve always been like this.
I'm a therapist and have no idea how to treat aversion against morning breath unless it's irrational. My personal solution would be to have a glass of water by the bed. Take a few sips of water and then kiss.
Tell your boyfriend that he has a bigger dick and is a much better lover. Also tell him that you picked him, not this other douche. And yes, call the guy a douche.
I'm serious.
Being romantic shouldn't feel like a job or a prison sentence. When you phrase it like, “Do I haveto still be romantic with her,” it sounds like you view romance as a punishment for when you mess up.
You should treat her with the love and respect that you feel for her. That includes talking to her and asking her about her day. If you don't feel that for her, let her go, so she can find someone who does.
Learn how to do a TL;DR on your posts and in your relationships. You should have dumped and ghosted this person a long time ago.
As a guy it makes me angry that the norm for you in relationships has been for guys to disrespect you over and over.
Don't put up with these drongos. The first time a guy won't accept no for an answer or tries to coerce you, should be your cue to kick him out.
You are entitled to choose what happens to your body and for your decision to be final and respected.
that they see nothing wrong? glad but i knew that already
that they might think differently? little annoyed that another person is passing judgement without knowing a thing about our relationship
just want to know how to prevent predatory accusations completely
This. As a woman, I could NEVER ever do what your gf is attempting to do. This hurt me to even read and I don't even know you.
Hold on to your boundaries. You're not overreacting. Your feelings matter. This is your wedding day as much as it is hers and that being said if you still decide to walk down the aisle with this person, contact the wedding coordinator yourself to ensure that this song is in no way attached to your wedding. Explain why if you must but do it yourself. I don't even trust that your gf will do it and I don't even know her.
I just don’t know what to do, a part of me believes to just calm down let her figure out things. But every chance I get I keep falling into talking to more and more about it, telling her how much better I’m going to be telling her I’ve finally have been dealing with my issues. And keep promising her it will be better. And I absolutely understand why she is so hesitant I mean why wouldn’t she be I messed her up mentally, and it took this long to finally realize it and see it and understand it and I just hope it’s not to late… she just keeps telling me to back down a little telling me to calm myself and let her process, and i keep screwing that up, bc I keep feeling if I don’t keep telling her how much better it will be then she will not allow herself to take me back. She hasn’t told me not to text her, she hasn’t told me not to call she hasn’t told me not to see her, hell last night we had some of the best sex we have ever had in our relationship. It’s messing me up so much and I just don’t know what to think or do, I feel like if I don’t ask to see her everyday, or try to plan something for the weekend or anything that it’s not showing her that I’m serious about this… I know she loves me and she is in love with me, but she keeps saying she has to her herself back and I just want to be apart of that
What can I do
Even if he did have an offer, if the new company heard about his antics they would be well within their rights to rescind it.
Fuck that shit
If your job and coworkers suck go ahead and tell em off. The world would be better if nobody put up with that shit
Not at all that I can think of. I have backtracked from picking her up from work before when I was sick before but eventually relented and stayed with her overnight, pretty shit night just wanted to be in my own bed as I kept waking her up with my coughing
He says quality time but anytime we talk feelings he brings up chores and housework so I’m more inclined to believe it’s acts of service
You’re only human. Everyone is complex. I think I could forgive my husband for cheating on me, even during my own ppd. It’s naked for everyone involved and I can only imagine how it could push someone into another’s bed. Give it time, and if you’re truly sorry, don’t give up in trying to make things right by her. Life is long and unforgiving, but love with everything you’ve got and it’s a life worth lived.
Fuck you
No-one can tell you if this is true for her and it has nothing to do with her being avoidant.
If she is an introvert, she gets her energy being away from people (including you), if she's an extrovert, she gets her energy from people.
Personally, if I have an intense few days of being around people, I literally need alone time and avoid my phone a bit to recharge. I on-line with my husband but when I need to recharge I even avoid him.
Thank you very much!
I don't think so. Have you ever bought a life insurance policy?
This whole story is weird and screams incest, molestation and abuse – from all sides.If I'd be you I'd stay away from this family, this is a dynamic you don't want to get sucked into. What you know is probably just the surface of what really went on there… Please take off your rose-colored glasses and get real…
Should’ve added this: he had a child already waay before we met that I knew about and I got into the relationship knowing this.
Sounds like he's got a guilty conscience. Why are you engaged when there are so many problems? This isn't a marriage-worthy state of affairs.
Altho that sounds nice, if he’s on the lease too then she’ll get into legal trouble if she does that
I’m a fan of his/hers/ours where shared expenses come out of “ours” and we each put in based on percent of total income.
That way, if my partner wants to buy a new to him vehicle, it doesn’t impact “us” or me. And if I want to buy a new saddle, same. We don’t even have to discuss such things. I make a lot more than he does so I pay in more to “ours” but I’m not on the hook for his credit card or car payment and he’s not on the hook for my student loans or my horses or dog. Works for us.
Thank you for being so insightful.
Holy shit, my jaw dropped to the floor reading this.
Your husband arranged to have his brother repeatedly rape you and he doesn't see what the big deal is?!? Please for the love of god do not stay married to this man.
This is shocking and horrifying. But for your sake I'm glad you found out before you had kids with this man. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please take care of yourself.
If she does respond she xan do it multiple times and even for long, right?
Not everyone stays on the phone/social medias all the time. She can do different things, and not watching her messages in meantime.
He gave you herpes. Leave before he gives you AIDS.
Honestly reddit makes me glad i met my husband as a teenager because Lord knows. The shit people post and what partners expect as normal and even what the posters perceive as normal in these relationships are INSANE!
I'd Honestly laugh in a dude's face if he said this nonsense to me because it has to be a joke.
If my bf called me something like this in anger, I'd break up with him on the spot.
You and your wife need to make a decision here. She wants to fuck other people. You don’t want that. If she fucks other people the marriage is over for you. Make sure she knows that. You aren’t going to stop her fucking other people if she really wants to, but she has to understand you won’t be waiting for her when she comes home. It’s going to be the end of the marriage. She needs to have a serious think about what she actually wants and whether it’s worth ending your relationship.
She has a choice to make. But she needs to fully understand the cost of making that choice.
Have you guys tried working it out or having an honest and open conversation about this?
Is he also unmedicated?
I'd consider just telling him you are out of PTO and you'll only be able to support him emotionally not with labor.
Personally I’d avoid throwing breaking up out there unless she brings it up. At most I’d say that you don’t want to lose her and you realized what an absolute grade A fuck up that was. If she stays with you make sure to take her on a date somewhere awesome that you’d have never gone with your ex. Make sure she knows that you see this relationship as different and better!
I fully agree that his wife treated him badly – but there were information lacking (showed up in comments later) – and the point still stands – you can not change others – you can only decide on your own behaviour.
I still think that he need to get rid of the BIL. He should not move out. Maybe check his legal status getting the BIL kicked out . He should not move himself.
Well the point was just – I agree with you. She is behaving badly.
very abnormal. Id drop this dude pronto!
I got pregnant mid October and am due mid July. If due date is beginning of July, she got pregnant being of October roughly (or very end of September)
His wife is already been lying. For months now. Why should he trust her?
When you catch someone in a lie, there's like 10 other times they lied and you didn't catch them.
You shouldn't have gotten with her if you're uncomfortable her arrangement.
Did she warn you about this before y'all became exclusive?
If she did, that's your chance to tell her if you want to deal with that or not.
If you don't want to deal with that, you don't get with her.
I admit that shit is weird AF. But I'm big on laying all the cards out on the table at the beginning and being given the opportunity to know if I that's something I want to deal with or not.
Also, she couldn't said she'll change that for you but only in the beginning of she offered.
You don't get with someone and expect their life to change for you. That's why you lay the cards out on the table before exclusivity.
I already talked to him in a calmest way. I even asked him if he is cheating on me
She should not bring this up to them, that's making it her problem and that's not fair to her.