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I appreciate the comment and your help, and for making my day haha
For communicating, we’re long distance and we both believe communication is extremely important (especially long distance), we’re I’m lacking is that when I’m eating with friends I end up texting her less, sometimes leaving her on delivered for anywhere between 10 to 30 mins, sometimes more sometimes less but I’d say usually in that range. She also wants me to tell her everything, no secrets is a big factor in our relationship and it’s something that means a lot to her and I don’t really have anything to hide so I answer honestly. If I tell her something late (a day or more because I forgot to earlier, but usually not last minute) she typically gets upset with me and that becomes a fight, we almost always call everyday, very very very rarely will we not call at least once a day but usually we call often, as for talking on the call, sometimes it’s better than others, more recently though it’s a lot less talking and that’s my fault for not talking enough (which I’ll admit is partially true, I can definitely do a better job there), there’s probably some more but that’s the jist of it, it’s also almost definitely one sided since obviously it’s from me and not her
I’ve never thought about her insecurity that way. I love complimenting her but usually what will happen is I’ll be in class and talk to another girl in class (casual conversation) and if I don’t tell her that after class but instead later it becomes a fight, if I don’t reassure her about it (I’m supposed to say that the girls ugly and what not) than it’s a fight (which brings me to a huge issue that I’ll talk more about next foreshadowing), overall I do my best to let her know that she is the most attractive girl to me but she never buys it and she sometimes talks about her flaws which I always dismiss as there is nothing wrong with them (I try to dismiss in a way that’s more like “you look great, ur not ugly” rather than “yeah whatever” as that’s obviously not right)
The big issue: in her eyes, I am the only person she finds attractive, no other guys are attractive to her, I believe her when she says this, idk how it’s possible but I believe her, I told her that I find other girls attractive (I’ve made it clear that I am NOT ATTRACTED to other girls, but like I can notice if someone is attractive or not) and this completely questioned everything she thought about me and essentially started our rough patch, I’m trying to be understanding but I don’t understand why it’s as big of a deal as she says it is (although I’m trying to not shoot her down immediately), but what really makes me upset about it is when she talks about how I am tearing our relationship apart and that because of that it’s my job to put it back together, that’s hard to hear and I think it’s wrong for her to say that but she doesn’t think so since it’s what she believes and she should be honest… but like… imo you can be honest without being ruthless about it right?
The hardest part about all of this is that almost everyone Ik seems to like her, and when everyone likes her… she must be special right? She must be right right? I just wish I wasn’t always the one who was wrong. I genuinely think I’d be happier in a relationship where the girl makes mistakes (not big ones ofc) because then I could be the one forgiving and I could be the one who’s right.
She won’t tell me how to win her love back, I’m the one who should know how as I did it before (like I even know how I got her in the first place)
I wish I could tell you everything in a completely unbiased way, I genuinely would like to know if I’m the problem because if I am then fine, done, I’ll deal with it, but if I’m not then where does that leave me?
Thank you so much for your help and I’m sorry for writing so much, hopefully you like reading! Oh and thank you for explaining each part to me, it really does mean a lot!
Only going to get worse buddy.
The continuous lying in itself will have me stopping the wedding for now.
I would have a talk with her along with a mature married couple that has a loving long relationship for advice. Also check out JW.ORG for relationship advice.
Do you feel she want you to be jealous? Maybe trying to keep you in line? Idk, but this is not the way to start off a future happy and successful marriage.
Just imagine the lies you have not uncovered yet….
So I think you need to re-read your last sentence: you are ok with having a disabled child as long as their disabilities don't impact you too much.
Sir, you are not okay with raising a disabled child.
He's full of shit. No man has a right to tell you to wait for him until he “works on himself” and that could take years! Or dumps you but then wants to keep you on a string for whenever he gets around to contacting you.
You should block him and see other people. If he does manage to get a message to you indirectly, shut that down, too. Part of him growing up and becoming a responsible partner is accepting that if you don't do that, you lose people.
Ok finally a post I can relate to lol…
Soooooo I am loud, my voice carries (thanks dad). And I actually used to think my dad was yelling at me until I said something, turns out his voice raises as he gets excited. Unfortunately so do I. I mean even at work people say they can hear me across the building. Gahh.
My fiance is much more quiet than me, and I told her my voice carries when we first met. Now this is a ME issue. There was bone of this “we” will both work on not yelling. No. It is me, and it is your bf in this instance not YOU. (Sorry the way he said that bugged me). Now, I do get carried away and can start getting louder, but my fiance will interrupt me to tell me I'm yelling/being loud and I will immediately stop as I don't even realize I'm doing it. Whether a bout of excitement, or even having an argument.
I'm glad she let's me know, it was a good compromise as it will occasionally happen and I won't better myself not knowing or blaming it on being quirky or part of me, that's dumb. And I would say give it a little time and see how he tries to change, does he want to compromise, work on being softer? Maybe use a code word when he starts raising his voice level. Also see how he reacts when tou gell him how you feel, you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can't see their own faults as faults that can be worked on, that is just someone who doesn't want to be their best selves.
Be careful though… the comment about “how we can work on not yelling” brings up a yellow flag to me. Bringing you into his issue almost shows a lack of taking responsibility…
Wow. It's insane to me that a therapist is telling you that wanting a ring and to on-line together 7 months into a relationship is reasonable. (And you wanted the ring at 4 or 5 months).
I hate to tell you but he can leave even if you're married. You have to get to know someone before you commit, so you'll make a good choice. And you also have to look at a relationship as a part of your life, not the reason for your life.
There's nothing wrong with having a boundary against porn or lewd images, for any gender. If my boyfriend watched porn in our relationship or looked at suggestive pictures, I would leave him, and he would do the same for me. I do think that OP should have set boundaries against porn sooner (we set ours on the first date, no regrets), but she isn't possessive for not wanting her partner to stare at the bodies of other people. Absolutely no one has to accept this behavior, they just have to be upfront about their expectations.
What is she saying is “triggering” for her? Because I’m not really understanding that. Could it be possible she’s jealous of the stability? Or has a crush on you? Like the other commenters we need more info
Your relationship is toxic and your husband needs help for his self-harm.
Thanks for your advice. I’ll definitely take your words into consideration before making a decision.
Are you on talking terms with the father? Try to get to know him more. If there are things that he does with your friend, tag along and try to be respectful and act responsibly in his presence. If he does feel you're a good kid to have around and warms up to you, then you can bring up the topic of asking his permission to date his daughter. If his son and wife have vouched for you that you're a good lad and will never do wrong by Eliza (which of course you must never ever do wrong by her), then he may give his blessing.
My question is OP so interested in being controlled.
Why quit a medication that was working?
Why have a sleepover the night before a big exam?
This guy is an asshole, obviously, but unless OP makes some personal changes she’s just going to find another terrible guy to date… she didn’t even stand up for herself here, she sent a passive aggressive text that isn’t going to change anything ??♀️
How absolutely cruel and insensitive.
I am definitely going to look into that. Thank you!!
Just a few thoughts:
It seems like you're overthinking this whole thing. Maybe just slow down and give it more time. Try to not be so analytical about it and relax.
A sex therapist might be a good idea, but only if he wants to do it for himself, not feeling pressured by you.
Is there any chance he's on the spectrum? Some of his reactions sound a bit like someone who might have a tendency toward autism or an emotional disconnect. That could explain some of this.
Whatever the case, he's lucky to have such a patient, understanding GF. I hope you two get your things together one of these times!