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I messaged my friend individually who said she missed me, and I told her I would have gone, but wasn’t invited. She said my roommate told her I wasn’t coming. She agreed with me that it wasn’t okay for my roommate to that and offered her support. She also said like it didn’t seem like my roommate was being off about it I’m still waiting on a response from my roommate.
An live relationship, huh… you both will be alright. That was your first mistake right there. Please leave that poor guy alone. I hope he finds someone amazing in person.
You should not feel guilty. You don’t owe this girl, that you knew nothing about, any loyalty. You did nothing wrong except continue to be close with your ex when you should have broken all ties with him.
I will never understand why people want to stay friends, even if you end in good terms. Maybe after a few months (or years) when you can objectively be friends. Or you have to co-parent.
This girl clearly doesn't respect you. I'm sorry but I don't see the point of continuing this relationship.
Grow some balls and end it. She’s a grown women. Not your problem how she reacts. Do it and just stick to it. It’s YOUR LIFE.
RIIGHHTTT..This man is naked damn near 24/7 masturbates twice daily, dick gets very hot at every woman he sees, fucks his gf once a week he literally has sex on his mind religiously like DOT DOT DOT y’all are definitely delusional just because he doesn’t fuck all the time don’t mean his libido is not excessively high after everything he said there are signs/traits that point to sex addiction
Does he ever do this to anyone else? Like you go visit his parents and he crushes his mom’s feet “accidentally”?
I do not think this is accidental. Even if it is, any reasonably caring husband or human being in general would be absolutely horrified if they accidentally injured someone.
It's going to sound stupid but there are different kinds of cheaters. Those who never learn their lesson and don't give a monkeys and those that do.
The issue is, you need to figure out which one he was.
Has he ever gone into detail about why and how long ago it was? Again, some blame it on being young and stupid. Others blame it on being trapped or bored. If he said it was a mistake and he loved her …. blah blah … then it's definitely a red flag. Cheatings a choice. This was planned and executed more then once. Meaning he would have trouble committing and being loyal as he sees how easy it is to get what he wants.
You may need to dig up his past a little bit and reevaluate your relationship. If you've seen he's put a lot of work into himself and he's been single for a while… not even casual sex etc then this could be a good sign. Be careful though. Not all cheaters are genuinely sorry.
Insurance fraud. You're married to a fraudster.
Seems like he got a phone addiction…
Sorry sis. Your husband definitely paid for sex at this brothel. PLEASE don’t let him lie and gaslight you into think his story is plausible.
Still here.
But I just found out around the same time while I'm pregnant. So I'm staying put AT THE MOMENT.
That's what I've been telling OP, while you're just bfgf it would be easier to walk way, so do it now. As for me, I have to go through annulment, co-parenting, etc.
Eh.. it wasn't that bad.. everyone has problems in relationships.. I've seen far worse on here
I slowed dance with a woman with no context. We just enjoyed it
Doesn't have to be romantically involved, sometimes it's just to lead to a conversation.
It’s his money you guys aren’t married yet. I think this is totally fine. I have done the same thing.
I love the shitty cold and wind here, I guess I love a good misery. Sunny California will help me rebuild.
That’s rough. Good luck buddy. This is the type of thing that no stranger can give you a proper advice on, this is deeply personal, and will be naked to navigate through.
I don’t understand why anyone would stay with someone who would make them feel bad about their past
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Broke. Violent. Drunk. Kids. Absentee. Why do you think you have to lower yourself to dating this trash fire again?
Did you get dna testing?
Interesting, i came away from reading the post more in line with your opinion on things compared to some other people in this thread.
Hubby can stay at home, in his own bed and family can go to airbnb. Wife is taking care of baby and the husband will have to care for himself.
Ask him to lunch and then update us?
You might find someone more suited to you. Love doesn't usually happen between people who have never met in person.
Nope, I confirmed it before popping the question and she said she’s not with anyone or anything has been setup. Even said I don’t mind working on building back the relationship but she doesn’t allow me to build it. No worries, I just appreciate the advice but I kinda know where it’s going.
It sucks but people change, kids are one of those things you need to agree on.
Best to go your seperate ways amicable as possible.
I never told him about that actually. I thought that it was because it's his personality so I didn't bring it up but I'm thinking about it now. I have told him other things in the past (that is predictable based on his personality) that bothers me and he listened and tries to change. I am afraid of telling him too many things because it would sound like I am criticizing him for the way he is.
He can't relate so he offers what he can which is an ear to listen which is, considered he had a normal upbringing, all you can really ask. If you want solutions or advice or to be understood on a deeper level, go talk to a therapist, that's what they're there for.
Op I’m genuinely curious.
If you’re apart of the a feet community: What is the consensus on people that have a tiny 5th toe?
As for some assistance, you probably can’t say you’re into feet because she might take it as a double insult. That not only is she with someone into feets and then you say hers aren’t attractive; the argument will be “what’s wrong with my feet!?”
Continuing this relationship is a mistake. Nothing will improve if you get married. You need to take a step back and reevaluate why you are fighting so naked to further commit to a miserable relationship. Dump him and focus on your healing instead. You are so afraid of yourself and being alone that you are fighting to commit to a man that makes you feel unloved and take advantage of.
Continuing this relationship is a mistake. Nothing will improve if you get married. You need to take a step back and reevaluate why you are fighting so naked to further commit to a miserable relationship. Dump him and focus on your healing instead. You are so afraid of yourself and being alone that you are fighting to commit to a man that makes you feel unloved and take advantage of.
At least you got one thing right.
I consider myself to be 'booksmart' too, but not streetsmart and I wouldn't be offended if someone told me that. I have a master's and a good job, but I can be pretty dumb when it comes to basic things at home for example. It takes me longer to figure certain things out, like a coffee machine (not a full automatic one, not sure what they're called) while my boyfriend can do that without much thought. He doesn't have a master's, but I feel he is smarter than me when it comes to that, which I consider to be smart as well. He may have a harder time in school than me (or maybe not, I am unsure) but all in all I feel we both have our strengths when it comes to 'intelligence'. Someone who works as a doctor can be stupid when it comes to fixing things in the house and how to figure that out. I don't think he was trying to offend you and I also think you shouldn't feel like you're any less intelligent because of what he said.
Check out Vanessa & Xander Marin. Vanessa is a sex therapist and she writes a ton of stuff about mismatched drives/ posts different activities to reconnect and get intimate again. This bigger issue at play here is that y’all are likely not connecting on a present intimate level at the moment—which is totally fixable with a bit of work from you both 🙂
I would let her make the first move. Don't acknowledge her behavior, pretend to be oblivious. When you go on breaks make it known and let her follow you, when you go for lunch let her invite herself. The more alone time you have together the more confident she will become. Lunch will escalate to dinner and then that will escalate to hanging out. All these activities will happen outside of work and she will be the one to initiate. Just be yourself and act like shes a good friend. That will make both of you more comfortable and things will progress naturally. Met my wife at work been together 25 years.
This sub is not for business nor legal advice. The only real answer is talk to a lawyer.
You made the right decision for your well being. You need to use caution in these group situations that think doing these things is acceptable. It’s not. You should investigate a different type of group to be associated with to protect yourself and also have a social life in which to have trusted relationships.
Cleaning your sister is not incestuous. Your ex girlfriend is dumb.
You want intimacy, she refuses. You want to seek pro help through this. She doesn't. You offer suggestions. She shoots them down.
How is she matching ANY of your energy? Seriously, she's not 'matching' energy she's purposely refusing to better the relationship and her circumstances while you beat your head against the wall. That's not a partnership. It's a dictatorship and she's the dick.
Then that's the ballgame.
JFC. You’re being weirdly stalker possessive creepy. Leave her alone, go your own way, and get therapy.
You have spelled out exactly how. You know what you are doing. You know when you do it. You need to make an effort to speak especially when you don’t want to. If it’s truly beyond your control, then it’s time to seek professional help. Great insight.
Also happened to me, we dodged a bullet ?
First of all, all the comments here saying she needs a trip to the gyno are 100% accurate for all of the reasons mentioned. That said, no one has mentioned one small possibility that came to mind. As someone larger loses weight, their penis may become more pronounced as the fat around the base diminishes. While unlikely to affect the width, it can make it appear and feel longer and deeper. If you have been losing a significant amount of weight recently, this is worth mentioning to her gyno when you visit, however unlikely this scenario is.
ikr what a total tool the husband is i mean really? he's got to be kding no married is that dumb right?
attraction is NOT biological, fucking dump this man and let him keep going after the “superior” women for the rest of his life while u settle down with a normal and well adjusted person
Bummer for him. It's not his decision. He gets no say in your own sexual pleasure and autonomy
Get a gay friend to start touching him up, I'm sure he'll change his tune
Thank you! It’s not about the money at all. I’m happy to pay and didn’t notice it at all until my therapist asked about it. It’s the lack of acknowledgment in this and other areas. There a pattern of greater disrespect and what my therapist refers to as emotional violence on her part that my past experiences have conditioned me to. The small slights and little red flags go unnoticed sometimes. I’m happy for you and your partner by the way. Congrats on a good relationship and 21 month old ?
I’ve taken steps to preemptively blocked his friends too, except the ones who hat we share cause that hurts more. I’m afraid of them, and of his grandmother most.
He’s blocked on a couple sites, I’m just a bit worried because I have an internet presence, he’d easily be able to make extra accounts.
Did she do this with any of her ex partners?
My guess is this is a manipulation tactique. Is there any other sign of a toxic/narcissistic personality?
OP should take some syrup of ipecac before having the talk.
OP: “Hey, (insert name) it’s really hot for us to come to a compromise when you react like that”
OP GF: ?
OP: “I understand this is something that may be out of your control but maybe we can work out…”
OP GF: ?
OP: “…ways to communicate without getting too overwhelmed to the point of you getting sick.” ?
OP GF: ?
OP: ?
I’m sure his only regret is telling me
I mean, vasectomy isn't really easily reversible the way an IUD is and is a surgery that has a very uncomfortable recovery time so it's not really an automatic that it's the best course of action.
For me, though, I am currently in the process of organizing getting the snip. My insurance is being difficult (curse the US Healthcare system), and I need them to sign off since I'll need to be put under for the procedure.
I'm not fully understanding that the “compromise” is here.
Compromises always involve trade offs where an agreement is reached on – in this case behaviour – with something being given in return. All I see here in this compromise is that he has no sexual thoughts at all and you will stay with him.
That seems to me more like coercion that compromise.
You are free to do with your body as you will and if that means you remaining celibate until you are formally wed, that is of course your choice. What you decision does not do is give you the right to enforce what he does with his body.
As a 27yo guy, him agreeing to be celibate along with you is a huge commitment to you (and a huge risk) on his part. It could get to the wedding night and you may just say “nope, I don't like sex so let's never do it again” and he is now stuck with a wife and no sex life. It's an all to common occurrence when people refrain from sex until they get married.
To draw an analogy, it's like buying a car without taking it for a test drive. You may be lucky and get the one you want and it never breaks down, or you may have paid for a complete lemon that you are now stuck with but still have to pay the loan on.
Personally I think you are being very unfair to him and the way in which he is going about accommodating to your wishes. I know that if he came here and presented his side the near unanimous refrain would be either “RUN” or “Stick around and say goodbye to your sex life”.
He seems to be more than willing to wait because of his love for you. You pushing this complete absence of sex from your lives before you are married may though be the straw that breaks this horny camels back. This is especially true is you continually frame it as something that it patently is not – some form of betrayal of you.
There you go
If I was you I would just disappear from his life. with no explanation. no conversation.
Speaking as a woman, going to a man’s house to work is putting yourself in danger, or at least some nervousness. Your GF went to his house not to work. Please believe this. They had an inkling and it became reality. They did not just kiss.
Thank you!! You are the real MVP.
In my humble opinion, it doesn’t mean anything other than he’s a horny young guy.
If you weren’t friends, he might be interested in you physically, but bc you are friends, he doesn’t want to risk messing around and you developing feelings for him. He doesn’t like you romantically.
I was extremely high risk and I don’t want to scare you, but I did end up hospitalized for nearly a month and a half, full bed rest, induced prematurely to save my life, and then had a very scary recovery. If the OBs say you’re high risk then yes, you are HIGH RISK. He’s horrible and selfish for saying that to you, and I’m so sorry.
It would be a terrible idea to be away from home and somewhere remote for the safety of yourself and your baby. If he is determined to go act like a frat boy, please find someone who can be your support person in his absence so you’re kept safe.
Why even bother? Break up.
Sounds sweet.
This is a interesting insight. It makes sense. She did take like 3 months to give me my bridesmaid gift because she “would forget it at her house” conveniently.
Spoiler alter- he’s not seeing validation
Yes, he's lying to you and they are big lies. Does it really matter how many lies he has told at this point? He is not the man he is trying to make himself out to be, so in a way, the man you thought you were with never even existed.
My suspicion is that he is seeing at least one other person and possibly multiple other people. It is entirely possible that he has been in a long term relationship this whole time. You're not stupid. It can happen. We just never expect that people can lie so well and so easily. That's on them, not you. It's possible that the photo he sent you was from a friend and he can't show you his actual room because he lives with a woman. The whole police academy cover is to give him a plausible reason for being away for long periods of time. Who knows what he actually does for a living!!