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I never told her I was gay or thought I was. You completely ignored the part about getting zero foreplay and her getting off too fast, I'm sorry that you probably haven't experienced an orgasm from someone other than yourself so you feel the need to attack people online calling them gay and whiners.
Y'all made an agreement, she broke it. Case closed. Tell her to kick rocks
The fact that you included your dad as a means to support your baby pretty much shows you're not actually ready for a baby. Also your boyfriend has not given you an enthusiastic yes to starting a family so that's another indicator that it's not the right time to have a baby. Lastly, you are only two years out of your teens. You have a lot of life to experience before settling down with kids. Go get your bachelor's degree. Travel. Have fun.
I’m going to be honest, jumping in her DMs is not it- especially if your conversations are liking posts and comments. She probably saw you messaged her and hasn’t opened it yet; for any number of reasons but a guy from high school popping up needs a bit more work to make her think you’re serious.
I find a lot of people don’t update their status anymore, I would appear single on my Instagram but am happily married. Just have conversations with her, learn about her.
I can't really bring myself to break up with him. The thought just hurts. We've talked about having a business together or other ways that would allow me to be around him more often. I'm still studying and a lot can happen in the future so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Stop being foolish, you see the red flag. Give up that clown and go enjoy your life why struggle?
Maybe you're just a really good person
A lot of men at that age are incredibly immature. A lot of comments here make it sound like it's uncontrollable for men, but no it really isn't. It's a sign of poor socialization if you catch feelings for every woman you interact with.
My advice is be real selective about who you befriend and enforce your boundaries.
Why are you in therapy with your abuser? That's a big no.
Pack a hidden escape bag just in case. Get you documents in order.
Find yourself a personal therapist. Then, ditch the couples one.
No sane therapist is okay with their client being strangled. Your therapist is NOT good.
You need to go, you need to escape.
There's no “gaslighting yourself” when it comes to strangulation. Zero. None.
It's the first step to being killed – there are studies on abusive partners who strangle, please read that.
He's a violent abusive mooch, he's an addict.
Run.
100% no. If you do you will inevitably look back with regret. It won't be the breakup you regret in years to come, but the way you are behaving now.
You are going through the denial phase of grief. You still think there's a chance, you still haven't accepted its over. You need to move on. It's over. She's left you. She doesn't love you. She's literally sleeping with other guys right now. She's already looking for her next boyfriend.
The more you try and stay in her life, the more you give her gifts, the less respect she will have for you and the less respect you will have for yourself.
I'm sorry to be so blunt. I've been where you are. My first big breakup I acted like you are acting. Thinking about it now all I can think is how pathetic I behaved. You'll feel much better about it later if you move on with dignity. Go look for a new girlfriend or at least a girl to share your bed for a few nights. It will change your perspective completely.
I already have done so much of that. This guy worked SO NUDE to get me to trust him, and now I regret it.
Then get me another one. At least he doesn’t insult me and decide that I deserve to be criticized and judged without empathy. Try telling your own therapist how you’ve been talking to me online and I can guarantee they will tell you that YOUR behavior is more inappropriate and disrespectful.
You still don't deserve to have these things said by him. It's a serious red flag.
Thought it was a bit weird! No problems.
What’s a corn star?
This can't be fucking real.
Dude that’s a fucked way of thinking about it. The kid doesn’t know and it’s a shit uncle move to leave him out of Christmas whil all the other kids have fun
In the end, I think this problem is about doing what's right. It's wrong for both of you to keep this relationship going when your heart isn't in it.
I know it's nude and scary and it will hurt, but honesty is always the best policy, and the truth will always come out one way or another. It's better for you to decide when that is and control the situation as best you can and calmly talk to her, instead of it coming out by accident in a heated argument. That will only hurt you both more.
Also just a note on your GF, (I'm assuming she's AFAB for this, and cisgender) women are socialized to be empathetic before everything else. This is just generalization, I obviously don't know her, but I'm assuming she might already have picked up on it.
If you still respect her as a person, please tell her honestly. Break up with her, and then you can both start new relationships with people that make you 100% happy. It will be ok, the earth is big and there are so many people you can connect with!
You’re not being controlling. Ask her if you hanging with your ex would be something she’s comfortable with? I bet you not. The fact that she took your feelings into account and then when along with it anyways, is fucked up. Controlling is if it was just a male friend, but an ex? You have every right to feel how you feel, she’s fucked up for not valuing you and your emotions enough. It is not a need for her to hangout with her ex, it’s a want. And she’s putting that want above your feelings and the little respect she has for you. If i were you, I’d give her the ultimatum; she can keep hanging out with her ex, but I’m going to leave and find someone who respects my boundaries and validates my feelings.
Honestly go out with some friends a few times and leave him to wonder where your at, maybe he’d be worried he might lose you or just not give a fuck and well there will be your answer on if sticking around is worth it. . You need some time to yourself rather than sitting there and watch him be who he’s turning into. Don’t let him drag you down because you deserve to be happy. And girl I promise you there are plenty of guys who’d love to see you in lingerie..
If you're not all in and ready for it yourself. Its going to be a heart wrenching fireball.
This type of thing is really not made for everyone and if you have second thoughts or the possibility of not being on board its best to cut your losses now. If you are to stay, all you can really do is close your eyes and hope that he really means it when he says its not emotional and if you go along with it, pray he's not like 99% of the posts here where the relationship gets opened and hes upset that you're getting more action than him.
Its not impossible. But just from what i keep seeing, the only people who should be in an open relationship together are people who are both aggressively into it themselves.
Sorry I meant it’s a gray area in terms of the severity of it as a sin. I always thought you did it once and had to confess to a bishop, if you read lds sub Reddit threads on the topic and asking a bishop about it as an adult, it seems to be a sometimes you do sometime you don’t need to confess issue, without any clear guidelines for priesthood leaders (unless pornography is involved in which case you defiantly need to confess)
So as others have stated, your co-worker is super toxic and is practically wearing red flags. But that doesn't mean you should settle in your relationship either. Very few high school sweethearts make it, and often that's because you understandably want to experience more than just one relationship. That's healthy! How can anyone know for sure until they've been with different people.
And then there's being alone and that's just as important. I highly recommend spending some of your 20s single so you can figure yourself out and be in a better place for a serious relationship later on.
Oh, and don't consider your families in this. It's not their relationship you need to worry about, it's yours. It's you. You have to make these hot choices for you first and foremost.
Idk why there's so many people saying the husband is in the right. If her mom had bought her a new car would the husband be upset? The answer is definitely no. “BuT iNcReAsEd CoSts” is completely irrelevant considering that's not actually the issue the husband had. There's no scenario where if someone bought my wife a car that I would be angry at them.
Funniest part is she didn’t even raise me ? THANNK GOD about that I guess lol
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“Because I know how I act when I’m blackout drunk, despite the fact I can’t control my behaviour or alcohol addiction.”
Why are you tolerating it?
It’ll be harder from prison.
Masturbating is a very personal and private thing. Your wife is being extremely unreasonable. I think self love is massively important to a healthy mental state and sense of self love. What you do in private is NOT her business! As long as it’s not hurting your sex like with her
You're right… If this was a couple years ago I may be feeling worse about it but this is just another part of the cake. Just another thing to work through smh.
Yes, that really hurt.
Your wife needs therapy before she makes her kid terrified of eating
Oh God. Alcohol makes it 10 times worse.
WOW, you guys are all sloppy second and thirds! I personally would have to make a dinner reservation and have her there first and then one of you walk in, and 5 minutes later another walk in and a few seconds later the last one walk in and y'all dump her right there at the table and then walk away. There also could be more guys and everyone of you should get tested for STD'S. All of you dump her
A lot of states have support and resources for people who are in abusive situations. I helped a coworker in 2021 leave, she stayed with me while she got together with DHS and a social worker, they helped her with a motel immediately, rental deposits, rent, new phone/new phone line, gave her cash along with snap benefits for food while she got back on her feet. I know that may not be available everywhere but it’s worth checking into. The social worker told her not to leave the dhs office without a check for a deposit on the apartment she had applied for. Because right now, even this long after the shut downs, the offices are still not fully staffed and they will just put you in a stack with all the others if you’re not squeaky.
Sweetheart. He never stopped sleeping with her.
You save up money in a spare account and divorce him. Move out and work a job.
This is why abortions are so important to have access to. You could have had an abortion and no one would have kicked you out (they wouldn't know) or forced you to get married. Now you have to interact with this guy for 18 more years. But you don't have to be married to him.
You’re two years into this relationship. You’re young and her mistake was dumb BUT… the questions to be asking are “why would you put yourself in a situation like this with somebody you’d been intimate with before?” “Are you able to have friends of the opposite sex and do you believe those friends should be people with whom you have been intimate before?” She should be able to answer those questions with something other than “I don’t know.” “I don’t know” is a hallmark of somebody who has a lot more growing up to do…
It’s good that she admitted her mistake quickly to you and that it didn’t go any further, but there are women out there who know better than to make mistakes like these in the first place.
Why do you believe a word this cruel man says? His actions speak LOUDLY. This is not mending a marriage, this dragging out a dead horse and beating it.
Um. He doesn’t want his photo taken with you, but photos with other girls are fine.
He doesn’t want sex with you, so when he’s horny he asks for nudes from other women.
I’m not sure why you won’t break up with him except that you’re afraid to be alone. That’s not a good enough reason to stay. This is your only life. You’re only 21. Stop this.
Your feelings and reaction to this are completely understandable and you’ll need time to deal with them. You should feel free to speak to your gf about this but also discuss setting some boundaries.
Your gf was caught up in being comforted, unloading her worries and thoughts and stupidly blurted this out. It likely meant nothing more than gathering all the stuff around her at the time and doesn’t reflect any ongoing thoughts towards her ex.
However it’s still an insensitive thing to do and if she needs to talk about this then fantastic, but chose your moments.
Set boundaries around playlists if need be. Set aside time for her to be open about any stress she’s feeling and vice versa. There’s no quick way to get past your feelings on this, but keep talking and talking. All the best.
Honestly? If one of my friends came to me and said “I gave birth a year ago. I’m exhausted and touched out. My boobs hurt. And my husband is making me feel guilty for not putting out.”
I would tell her to divorce him so she doesn’t have to parent an adult child. This is so much a moment of Grow The Fuck Up before you get discarded, moment. All of why his wife doesn’t want to bang him is completely predictable while having a child under 3 and yet somehow it’s taking OP, and so many other males who barely qualify as adults by surprise.
If you’re not 100% prepared for a 3 year dead bedroom, and the rest of your life being not the centre of your partner’s attention more than occasionally? Don’t Have Kids. The idea that anyone can make it to this point without realising that’s in play? It speaks so much about what he’s like as a co-parent and a father.
So dude, either step up as a partner and a father, or let your wife be so she can get on with it without you dragging her down.
So weird and super creepy that he was so eager to tell his daughter about all the sex they had in his dreams. Especially because he knows how effed up it is to tell her since he didn't want her mum or her fiancé to know/hear.
I've never had any kind of sex dream with anyone other than appropriate partners. But if ever did then I absolutely wouldn't tell them and I would be super grossed out rather than excited.
Run.
Be nice or stfu
I think there is a compromise to be had here – you should absolutely run and sign up for races – it really is super exciting you get to be proud and surrounded by people with a shared interest!!
But you also shouldn’t demand he come to them and feel the same intensity of joy that you do. You can invite him to do them with you, but running may not be his thing. – and that is ok!!
It is ok to have different interests, neither of you should preclude the other from doing something you enjoy. But also neither of you should feel slighted if the other isn’t into it. That doesn’t make him unsupportive but not coming.
Thanks for the advice!
If he makes that much then OP could retire very comfortably and take on house chores and that would be way more than fair.
100% relevance.
Don't be a door mat. She doesn't deserve forgiveness. Toss the trash out and set an example for your son. Don't teach him to let a woman hurt him and for her not to face the consequences. By kicking her out and ending the marriage you will teach him how a man with a good head on his shoulders reacts to this type of betrayal. Don't normalize your wife's behavior to your son.
Sorry I wrote this on my phone and half asleep. What happened is two days ago he told me the truth about sexting with a 16yr old at 21yrs old. I had asked him about it a couple times months ago which was when he lied each time.
That's abusive. You're using her.
It doesn't matter as in you being right or wrong, but it does give a bit of context to the situation. And I didn't deep dive into your history. I was literally trying to get to your comment but my phone's reddit is acting stupid still
he was right :you should leave him for that pregancy trick. and now you have a secund reason : he trapped you.
Yeah its clear these 2 aren't compatible but these comments are acting like lack of career based ambition is some huge moral failing. God forbid someone be comfortable with a simple life lol
I know I could go to my parents if I really had to but it would only be if I said it was a separation with intent to reconcile. My dad has a degenerative disease and so my mom already has a lot going.
I am so sorry that was your reality. You are so not alone.
There are also different ways to create intimacy. Some people get intimacy from sex, others need intimacy before they feel sexual. If you have someone who can only feel intimacy from sex and cannot be intimate without it leading to sex, it can be too much pressure and no fun especially from a partner who has the opposite approach to sex.
Eventually it feels like any touch leads to the expectation of sex, so they might be shutting down all forms of physical intimacy.
Trying to be physical (handholding, cuddling etc) and making it clear there is no expectation of sex could build that base back up.
In theory this is also the kind of relationship I want but how do we determine if this is codependent caretaking
Here's the difference:
In a harmonious relationship like you actually want, the state of things is earned by BOTH people through mutual work and respect.
In a codependent caretaking you just do all this stuff because youre following a list of demands.
Sounds like he has several issues. He might have some trust issues, since he worries about you being alone in a bar. That may or may not be valid i don’t know your relationship history.
You go for a pint every day. That can seem like a not healthy habit to him. Especially since you could have your me time at home? You could tell him that you need some me time and not sit at a pub?
You agreed to not spend money on alcohol. Yes you are just having one pint, but one pint daily. That‘ll add up.
Honestly your refusal to talk to him or hear him, makes me think there are bigger issues at play
Well we don't know why she left her country so it may not be.
Okay? And? I’m just trying to bring a positive spin for Op. Don’t be so sour on the grape vine.
He has an addiction and just like every other addiction, he won’t stop until he decides it’s a problem.
Right now? It’s not a problem to him. Nothing bad has really happened to him in his mind.
Protect your peace lol. There was a post by a guy here who had the same addiction, didn’t stop until he “stumbled” upon his gfs nudes that were posted non consensually
He has an addiction and just like every other addiction, he won’t stop until he decides it’s a problem.
Right now? It’s not a problem to him. Nothing bad has really happened to him in his mind.
Protect your peace lol. There was a post by a guy here who had the same addiction, didn’t stop until he “stumbled” upon his gfs nudes that were posted non consensually
Then why doesn't he suggest that? Again, if you're the one causing the availability issue, you're the one that its on to offer a solution.
If no one else in your life has said it. You do NOT have to marry him. It dosnt matter how many years are behind you or even how much you love him. Your life is still your own.
You deserve to atleast be able to take a shot at these huge and interesting dreams you told us all about. And your so young.
I’m 10 years older than you, not married but in a stable long term relationship with a partner who loves me and encourages me to follow my dreams. Marriage isn’t the only way to prove your commitment to someone.