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sometimes it surprises me when my bf shaves just because he usually has a beard but it grew back in like 2 weeks lol, and I dye my hair a lot and might dye his soon so it just takes a little bit to get used to lol
So if he was a virgin also, that means there is a very good chance that he just had no idea what normal smells like.
Women definitely have a smell, all different, so if he was expecting no smell or a field of daisies then he is in for a shock but that doesn't mean it's bad or abnormal.
He should learn to choose his words more carefully. I am guessing he will look back on this once he figures out that you were completely fine and regret opening his mouth.
Simply put the reason why you are bothered, why you are confused and why do you even care is solely down to the fact that you never properly separated from each other, you didn’t actually break up with each other properly.
Because you have children together it makes it all the more difficult because you can’t totally separate and break up with each other in a clean way that a couple without kids are able to.
Because you have kids you are always going to have some sort of contact with each other and a connection for life. The fact that when you did break up and he came to see the kids he stayed over at yours and inevitably you both had sex with each other and basically you went from being together in a relationship to breaking up and being together with each other but just living in different places and you were only broken up in name only.
That’s why you feel like this and it wasn’t just sex between you both because you never had a clean break from each other.
Regardless of what happens now with his new girlfriend, whether it lasts or not or whether he does resume coming back to seeing his kids or not you need to put some significant boundaries in place to protect yourself in the future from this situation happening again and you feeling like this. I would suggest the following few boundaries;
1) He never ever stays over at your place no matter what. It doesn’t matter if he has missed the last train or bus home, it doesn’t matter if his car won’t start, it doesn’t matter whatever other possible reason, He never ever stays over at yours.
2) Any communication that you have with him and he has with you is only to be about the kids and nothing else. Not even a “I HOPE THAT YOU ARE OKAY, I just wanted to let you know that your son is going to his nans this weekend so you can have him the following weekend” so no chit chat and no messages about your kids with a kiss or two at the end.
3) When it’s his turn to have the kids then you either drop them off at your parents house or his parents house for him to collect them and he drops them off back there for you to collect them.
You need to put these boundaries in place to break the cycle and connection between you both so you truly separate from each other
His mother pushed him to go and have sex with someone else?
That seems completely implausible but even if it were true the problem still lies with him and only with him. You are not in a romantic/sexual relationship with his mother (I fucking hope!).