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Date: September 20, 2022

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  1. I agree that she’s doing it for some reason like that and I haven’t turned a blind eye to it. I’m going to tell her to grow up and realise what she’s doing is dangerous for her and unfair on my friends.

  2. oh man, im so sorry dude, that sounds like utter and complete hearbreak.

    i wish i could give you different advice, but my honest thoughts on it are thus

    im not gonna sugar coat it dude. i could be wrong, but from myself and so many other guys's experiences, she doesnt love you. if she loved you she would take 5 minutes out of her fricking day to meet up with you. if she even had a RESEMBLANCE of care, she would tell you her real feelings.

    you have to move on dude, thats not gonna work out.

  3. Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.

  4. Because people hang around this sub just to tell people to break up / get a divorce. I'm honestly getting quite tired of this. No one actually tries to get into the problems presented and just default to the simplest option, that being leaving the relationship.

    If everyone in the world acted according to the advice given and upvoted on this sub there would be no relationships at all by now at all.

  5. right now, i honestly hope he wont comeback.. Dolled up today since the BU, im kinda excited 🙂, he is back to his hometown today and i kinda find comfort that he is not around here anymore where he can reach me in person but chooses not to.. Im going to the beach and have a drink with my friend, such a beautiful day here in Australia, im gonna enjoy my night tonight and just worry about tom. when it comes. I have to love me too 🙃🙃🙂

  6. All I see are future issues that could be very difficult to move away from. It’s easy for someone to be respectful and suppress their feelings in a 30 minute meet and greet. Much harder to do so spending every single day together in the same house

  7. I’m very sorry he did this and you absolutely do not deserve this. But just read the facts of the story. The answer that really makes the most sense unfortunately is that he did what people do in brothels. Regardless of whatever else you do, it would be prudent to get him and you STD tested.

  8. I agree with most people that this is on your husband, regardless of all the stress of the situation, but someone made a comment that mentioned him being unable to manage his emotions like an adult and that rubbed me the wrong way.

    What he did was managing his emotions like an adult, because, believe it or not, most people don’t know how to manage or handle their emotions properly. You don’t magically learn how to handle emotions when you hit 21, most people never learn how to properly manage their emotions in general, odds are the person that made that comment doesn’t know how to manage their emotions properly either. So there’s no such thing as managing emotions like an adult, it’s just managing emotions.

    It’s not something that’s gonna get better with time, it’s something he’s going to have to learn. The first step to that is that he has to be aware that the way he manages his emotions currently is not healthy, and he has to accept it and want to change. You’ve said this has happened before, but stated it’s not common, what does that mean? Does he only have outbursts like this in particularly stressful situations?

  9. The longer it goes the worse it’s gunna get. Tell the truth. I would say good luck but your an asshole and your wife doesn’t deserve your bullshit.

  10. Your post sounds like you didn't even meet this chick. Come on man making us guys look bad with this post. If you got stood up while waiting that something else but this. Whatever just pick yourself up and keep it movin.

  11. I read your update but still want to say this- that sweet at first then flip of a switch behavior is classic abusive behavior. They put on a facade to get you, then they have you and everything changes. This isn't something you can fix in anyone. It was always the intent on their end. Sometimes it takes a long time for that switch to flip, as they want to make you fully reliant on them and isolate you. Other times, it happens rather quickly because they take advantage of the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship. But with people like him, the intent always remained the same.

  12. I just meant pedos are pursuing children, because their into children, not because children wouldn't be alerted. If pedos were into adults instead, then they simply wouldn't be pedos.

  13. Sex shouldn't hurt at all for most women. Even the first time, unless you're really nervous. You really do need to see a doctor!

  14. I think it's different for everyone. Personally when I was dating I'd always try to split the bill, I was working and didn't think it was fair to rely on the other person to pay. Mostly I got shut down and they would pay and I'd get the next one if there was a second date. When I met my husband I wasn't expecting his complete shutdown of me trying to split and he finally allowed it when we were in a relationship, the only things I could get until then we're the odd drink, even to this day he pays 90% of the time despite my trying. So I tend to surprise him to nice meals every now and again or a good date night in the house where I get the ingredients in. Again it's different to everyone but this seems like she expects you to pay for her unless I've read it wrong, and I don't think anyone should expect things of someone unless they're dating or in a relationship and certainly not for a first date.

  15. Poly guy. I practice ethical non monogamy. What’s she’s doing is called rules for thee, but not for me. It is unfair and will destroy your relationship. Honestly, overcoming the insecurities is a lot of work. She expects you to put in effort but isn’t willing to do the same? An open relationship has to be ubiquitous.

    Beyond all that, she’s dismissed your feelings and crossed boundaries already. The trust is broken. You’ll never be able to mend it with the distance in both time and space.

    Personally, I’d untether myself from her at least until she gets back. I’d chase what made me happy and if I found someone that was a better fit, I’d move on.

  16. Hello /u/Ready-Struggle459,

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  17. Same, did we not notice this after kid #1 or #2?

    She's been living this man for years, the only thing different is he gave her a label…..

  18. She felt I was mocking her. She did it natural so she moved a lot. I did joke about how she almost kicked us in the head, but I meant it playfully and tried to emphasize the intensity of it all as a partner. It was really badass but she thought I was critiquing her. Likr I said, Im socially awkward.. even with her.

  19. Your BF is old enough that he should get that people worry about, love their friends. Would he be angry if your friend Maverick was hurt in a car accident and you were upset? Friends are friends. Has your BF never had a female friend?

  20. The only advice I can offer is to say that allowing fear of the unknown to keep you from making a healthy and positive change is most commonly the biggest regret we humans have.

    The longer you allow being scared to influence your decisions, the more time you will realize was wasted when you look back.

    Best of luck to you

  21. Hello /u/readlover12,

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    We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:

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  22. some guys genuinely don't give a shit. Thats ok to me because honestly there are things I don't do that a guy could very well say the same thing about. the question then becomes, is it a deal breaker for her? and it seems not as he is open to the idea of dressing better, just seems to not get around to it.

    I dress my partners all the time, I am out to walmart and I know he needs a new belt, his socks and underwear have given up the will to online, his jeans are a bit worn down, that shirt would look nice with his eyes. it makes little sense to dump the whole man if all he needs is a little TLC. now if there are more pressing things like a very disturbing lack of hygiene to go with the hobbo look then good god run!

  23. You deserve someone who loves you for you as you. If your partner can’t accept your sexuality, then you are incompatible. Let him go, mourn the relationship and take the good things you have learned into the next.

  24. I think you might want to re-evaluate what you are willing to put up with from them in order to get what you want, that being the photos.

    If, as you say, you have no legal recourse to the photos, and your siblings are being this awful about it … maybe let the photos go. Don't give them anything to hold over your head in order to dictate or manipulate your behaviour any further.

    Uninvite Twin 2 from the bridal party and sever ties.

    Don't let the wedding be about this. Use any photos you have on your own (or ask relatives who aren't your sisters for photos?) and let that be enough.

  25. Maybe your right. Sometimes I just feel like people who don’t care about that don’t hold values and it could be my own insecurities it just sits weird with me. I don’t see her any less however.

  26. Well is it a big deal for you? Ive found a lot of people who say “its not a big deal” but then their insecurities start either when there is an issue or when they are curious and ask for pics of any of their ex partners (or encounter one of them while been shopping or something). I would think and reflect if there is any way that her experience is going to affect me in the future or make me feel bad. It is best to be honest and say “well to be honest I think this may open a discussion in the future, we can try to see if it doesnt affect me but I cant promise” rather than saying you dont care and caring deep down.

    For me is just a number but I have no idea of knowing what it means for you

  27. I reached out to the boyfriend to speak to the boyfriend.

    I get that it that I was rather obsessive but that was my focus for that that last week of the year. I really didn’t have more time than that and I admit I went in very strong.

  28. Lose the boyfriend. Neither of you trust each other and it seems unlikely that you'll be able to build that trust back up while he's trying to control who you talk to and what you're allowed to say to them.

  29. This is medically a “geriatric pregnancy”. There are a lot of issues that can arise since she is in her “older” child bearing years.

    Let her mom be there if she wants her there. The less stressful this pregnancy is, the better for your wife’s health and baby’s health.

  30. He calls you a white and things you are cheating left and right? You might respect your relationship, he sure doesn't…

  31. Don't rent to family ever. If this rental is meant to provide income for you and your kids be it now or future, you should be using it for its intended purpose. Which is to make you money.

  32. WTF did I just read? HELL NO that shit is NOT normal. Your boyfriend(should be EX) is not worth the dog shit that you step on with his mentality. Stop wasting your time with this loser.

  33. Why is this upsetting to you? Did you expect your wife to wait for you while you fuck other people? You gotta be willing to get as much as you give man. You’re being a major hypocrite, you shouldn’t be jealous when you’re literally doing the exact same thing. Get over it

  34. You want to divorce your husband for pissing in a bottle? I mean it's gross don't get me wrong, but is a piss bottle really that appalling that you want to lose probably the love of your life and everything you've built over the years together? Wow man, I mean try talking to him,counseling so many other options,I doubt therz a marriage without any issues, but at least try to fix the problem before nuking it.

  35. You keep saying “formally uninvite,” and that she's “soft-uninvited” you. Can you explain what you think a formal uninvitation looks like?

  36. If you went to a court, they’d likely tell her “tough cookies, you’re an adult and your bills are your responsibility.”

    My aunt was like how you describe your aunt, and my uncle used to pay basically everything down to the food he didn’t eat and her cell bill, on TOP of child support. Judge basically reamed her out and then him, saying he is NOT to pay anymore than child support (was around 3k) & that if she couldn’t manage to be an adult with children, then he’d happily give my uncle custody. Magically she remembered how to work a full time job AND pay her bills.

  37. You really need to bring this up to them. You're just going to get a lot of “OMG, What a creeper! RED FLAG! XD” based on what you've written here, which probably leaves out all the nuances and small pieces that make differences once added in.

    They might just not be the social type. If you're the social butterfly, maybe they're the homebody that prefers one-on-one or tiny groups. Maybe they just don't like the type of personalities your friends have. It's not uncommon to have at least one general type of person that you dislike just because of the way they are. You really need to ask them, not the internet. Relationships are about working out your problems together. Asking the internet will just breed imagined issues.

  38. She is at an unhealthy weight and it's been glorified by media. Tell your husband to stop commenting and complimenting her about it, because it could be detrimental to her confidence!

  39. I agree he's a rapist but unless they talked about that in texts the texts would only support his “but I'm a great guy” character arch.

  40. It might sound ridiculous, but an important question is: Were the roses red? Because it's pretty common knowledge that yellow roses, for example, mean “I care about you as a friend and enjoy our friendship. Thank you for being in my life that way” while red roses mean love.

    So if the roses were red, then yes, there are no doubts about his intentions, simply because it is such common knowledge that giving yellow roses are those for friends, if you don't have romantic intentions.

    However, even if the roses were red: Your issue isn't this guy. Sure, he's incredibly disrespectful towards you and your relationship, but he also doesn't owe you anything at all. Your issue lies with your girlfriend and no one else.

    Your girlfriend is the one entertaining and encouraging all of his behavior. I personally think that not responding when hanging out with someone is absolutely normal, but the rest of what you describe is absolutely not. Like, zero percent.

    Let us assume the best case and that she really thinks that red roses and playfighting with another guy are totally cool when she's in a committed relationship. What that would mean is that you two failed to have a constructive talk about boundaries and what is and what isn't okay in your relationship when it began or that you had such a talk and she decided to ignore the boundaries you set. In fact, even if you didn't have that talk, you have now stated that you're not okay with her behavior, but she decided to continue it anyway.

    Even if she thinks her behavior is fine: She knows you are uncomfortable with it, but her own wishes and desires matter more to her. She decided that she isn't willing to give up on her behavior in favor of making you happier and, thus, the relationship healthier.

    Best case, this is an incompatibility. If she would feel miserable and controlled if she can't do such things with her male friends while you are feeling uncomfortable and disrespected if she does them, then you two are not a good match. She needs a partner who's more open to these things then and sees them as fine while you need a partner whose values and boundaries align more with your own.

    So in this best case, neither of you is wrong in feeling the way you feel, but she decides to bulldoze over your feelings instead of sitting down with you and figuring out if this relationship can be saved with healthy communication and compromise.

    …But yeah, the chance that this is the best case is, of course, pretty small. It's a lot more likely that she, at the very least, enjoys the attention from this guy and knows very well what red roses mean. She might enjoy getting touched by him during playfighting. Worst case, she's already cheated or at the very least checked out of your relationship enough that she has zero feelings or respect left for you.

    All in all, even in the best case, this is not a healthy relationship full of incompatibility. Far more likely is that she doesn't care enough about you to give a damn about how you feel and enjoys the attention of other men. I personally would advise you to sit down with her one more time, tell her how you feel about all these matters and that you don't want shit like that in your relationship and that, if she decides that she wants to entertain such things in her life, she is not the right partner for you.

  41. Omg. He’s 28? On my phone so I scrolled up. I expected high school. What the hell are you thinking? Find a grown up.

  42. But what is she saying are the things that need to change?

    What’s blocking her from wanting to have sex according to her?

    It doesn’t help to assume she’s lying. If that’s where you’re coming from, then there’s already no hope in fixing the relationship.

    It might be very possible that there’s something going on between you that has nothing to do with your physical appearance, but that’s affecting her ability to feel intimate and close and therefore have sex.

    What have your arguments been about aside from sex? Are there other conflicts going on in your relationship?

  43. So a door mat and a gold digger walk into a bar….

    At the very least she doesn’t appreciate you, it’s easier to just find someone who does

  44. Being nude is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Sexting behind your back is something to be ashamed of.

    You know what he did. He told you because he had no choice. He is more worried about what other people think of him, than of his integrity. The embarrassing aspect of this is his use of you.

    This scammer did you a solid favor.

  45. Tell him “touching romantically another woman is cheating and you are trying to manipulate me so you can do whatever you please without problems from me and that is never going to happen, you can't play me and you can't trick me. Maybe I should stop respecting you so much because it was so easy for you to try win something out of it. Strip clubs and the what not is cheating!!! You don't want to accept that then I will leave you when someone better comes up! Also there are better ways to communicate with me that you want a blow job and I would be more happy to comply to please you, the way you went with was totally hurtful and disrespectful and you made me not even wanting to have sex with you anymore “. There….. and you should learn to communicate better about sex. There is nothing to be ashamed of!!!! You have to talk of what you like and what you don't like….and of course make efforts!!!! Update us!!!!

  46. No, you really can't. You either agreed to it or you didn't and that's on you. A saving grace for you, if you didn't have a lawyer that was strictly present for you, it's not a prenup that will be upheld. So as the other poster said, go to a lawyer. If you did indeed have a lawyer present and you signed it, that's on you.

  47. Sami needs to be immortalized in some way because she's an effing saintess. I cannot comprehend nor share her thought process, but honestly? They should divorce. She keeps enabling her AWFUL, selfish, POS husband. Therapy and some introspection is what she needs, not to take care of a burden that treated her like crap and a joke their ENTIRE relationship.

    Also, your husband is REALLY out of place. The “cheater” in that “marriage” was always Tom. Did he ever have any trouble keeping in contact with him or having you being around him? If so, he's a hypocrite.

    Aside from that, the nerve to insult your character TO YOUR FACE! He thinks that you're so gullible and easy to influence that you'll cheat without remorse by having someone close have an “””open marriage”””? Also, ultimatums of that kind already are a dead giveaway of something already wrong in the relationship. Your husband DOES NOT GET TO TELL YOU WHO TO INTERACT WITH (you're not off the deep end or in drugs or anything that would justify an ULTIMATUM).

    I'd really worry more about your marriage that Sami's. Honestly, If my SO came to me with something so DAMN disrespectfuly, I'd have a fit and kick his ass out of the house.

    Good luck.

  48. Let the break up be permanent this time. He is almost 30 and acts like this? You can find someone better

  49. You participated in the affair; makes you no better than her husband. Want to be a support system for your “partner”? Help her get through the marriage and find access for a divorce. Lead her to a therapist. Become an good model for children.

    Do you want your child to learn that they were conceived by a cheater?

  50. Find a therapist to talk to. Heck, if you're even faintly religious, talk to to a priest or whatever your religion's equivalent is. Any of your friends or your friends father's you have a good rapport with that are willing to listen. Etc.

    Don't bottle it up. Don't drown it in alcohol. That way she wins because she will have broken you. Screw that shite. Pick yourself up and move forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. It will get better, and if not exactly happy-go-lucky better at first, it will become bearable sooner than you think.

  51. I'm assuming this happened recently, like last night?

    If that's the case, what I would do is send him one message in the morning saying you hope he has a good time at his event and apologize (if you think you need to) and tell him that you hope to hear from him after he's had some space to cool off.

    It's simple enough that he knows you still want to continue on and shows that you thought of him and that you will respect it when he says he needs some space.

    No one likes to feel suffocated or as if their partner doesn't respect a well-communicated need.

  52. She's only known this person for a couple weeks, and myself about 16 months. So I don't think that is a productive interpretation, but I'd be curious to know your reasoning.

  53. Don’t go on a date with someone you’re not interested in being in a relationship with and you won’t have to worry about him feeling entitled to sex.

  54. Omg i literally can’t update my post, im trying to ask how to decide how low of contact to go with my sibling or how much to incorporate them in my life.

  55. Divorce isn't a buzzword. Next time she says that, say fine. I hope you have friends you can crash with. You shouldn't put up with this level of disrespect.

  56. ” I did nofap for about 4 years now and know how devastating porn can be”

    Yeah, that's like 99% bullshit. Whole nofap has literally no scientific support and is based on some WILD assumptions on how human body works.

  57. Hate to break it to you, but if you haven’t met him, you aren’t dating. Are you sure you’re 28?

  58. Crazy as it sounds, some people CAN change. To me, it sounds as if he’s at least willing to listen and/or try. Nothing is guaranteed, of course, but they’ll never know what could have been if she walks away

  59. Thanks for your opinion, I’m still working on myself and, the fact is that I will have to make a decision sooner or later, thanks again for taking the time to help 🙂

  60. Break up and take the cat. Why would you want to be with someone who is actively doing something detrimental to the health and well-being, of a pet she wanted to get in the first place, for her own selfish reasons. It’s disgusting and cruel. The cat deserves better than that, and I honestly wouldn’t want to be with that kind of a sociopath.

  61. Completely reasonable. You will not be benefiting your kids by staying in an unhappy marriage. I don’t know how old they are but kids are more emotionally intelligent than we give them credit for, it’s likely they’re going to start to notice your change in demeanour towards your wife. Your only options are divorce or couples counselling to work through this.

  62. he goes on 4chan a lot and says that he only goes on to read the pol channel or to look at memes (I don't really believe that to be true). He also doesn't see that cursing at me while he's angry is a problem because “I started the fight, and I push him too far, so what do you expect? Don't fight with me” A few of his friends have expressed concern that he doesn't treat women well, and I've told him to stop calling me a b****, which he has stopped doing….

  63. The GF is definitely gaslighting you and as someone who grew up with divorced parents and my dad having a GF while having separate custody, this is NOT normal or appropriate behavior.

    Please take legal action.

  64. How am I meant to go over that though? Are most Girls going to have had a guy snort drugs off their tits before a hookup?

    Is it really that normal? Coz if so, I’m not gonna be able to get over that.

    If I’m sat here with my date I’m trying to get to know and love and wondering if they’ve ever had coke fuelled orgies in the past…. I don’t even want to try at that point

  65. What’s her counter offer?

    She said she doesn’t want X. So what does she want / offering as her alternative?

  66. So you allowed the (uneducated, unreasonable) opinion of a fairly new boyfriend to influence an important medical decision that greatly affects your well being? This medication, regardless of it being an antidepressant (prescriptions often have multiple applications), was working for you and improving your quality of life. This guy has no business “helping you wean off” of anything.

    If his night-time habits are so disruptive, you should probably limit sleepovers to your days off, so you can sleep in the next morning to not be sleep deprived. His chocolate milk usage is an emotional crutch that WILL have long-term adverse effects on his health, regardless of skim milk or Ovaltine. It adds too many excess calories and sugars, and it also enables him to avoid actually treating his mental health issues.

    As far as the text, try to be more direct and sincere, rather than passive aggressive. You’ll get a better response, and it keeps the focus on his behavior, rather than give him ammunition to turn it back on you. If I’m being honest though, you both sound a bit immature. More him than you, which is embarrassing given this man’s age. You’re still in your mid-twenties, so it’s more understandable for you to be petty, or too easily swayed by non-professionals regarding your healthcare. Hopefully both of you can work on your individual weaknesses, and address your relationship problems in a constructive way moving forward.

  67. I know man it just hurts cause I wanted him to have fun my parents never took me on vacation because we were very poor so I just want him to have a better life than I did.

  68. Being responsible doesn't make you a pussy. The pullout method is a good way to end up having a kid.

  69. That you think she goes out because you “let her” isn't great. And that you think people in dance halls are having intimate relations isn't great either. It's dancing. It comes off like you'd try to sexualize a co-ed martial arts class.

    Not letting past hurts get to you would be not vilifying normal social activities because of fear. Work on your fear. Date people who have the same values you have. All of that is necessary to not becoming controlling. If you date someone who behaves in ways that don't fit your values, your first impulse is going to be imposing your views to cater to your fear – and that's not being loving.

    Her “cowboy comment” is separate from the social activities. It's more about how you two relate to each other. It almost seems like she wants to provoke a jealous response in you.

  70. People here know how a work works? I think that is not so crazy to say that this is not an easy option for a lot of people.

  71. 2 kids (with 2 different moms?) and he’s 7 years older than you. You should be enjoying your youth, not getting bogged down with this can’t keep it in his pants loser.

  72. If you're personally against going, and your girlfriend is against it, I wouldn't go. I would also avoid throwing your gf under the bus by doing so.. that'll come back to bite ya!

    I'm sure they plan on doing more than one thing that night. Could you meet up with them earlier in the night or after they've already gone? It can definitely suck hanging out with your drunk buddies at the end of a drunk night out.. Especially if that happens to be a strip club

  73. Was she aware, about your religious/cultural norms before coming to your country. I mean, actually aware?

  74. I'd at least start formulating an exit plan to beprepared . I'd also consider hiding a few cameras around the house.

  75. I dated one for 5 years, was in therapy for years and learned everything there is to know about narcs. Also my aunt who I’m close with was married to one for 25 years and confided in me. It’s gotten to the point where I can smell one for a mile away.

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this, your instincts about this being majorly not ok in his end are correct, and what he’s doing is gaslighting you. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground.

  76. When a person shows you who they are , believe them the first time. She showed you who she was. You should've believed her

  77. I would sit down with her, give concrete examples of her poor communication, and tell how it makes you feel [upset/hurt/unsupported].

  78. Sit him down and have a ‘light hearted’ serious conversation about how you feel and how you’d like to work on it. Make sure to hear first how he feels and if it’s the same.

    My favorite couples advice I’ve received is the 222 rule. Every two weeks, have an intimate date night (whatever that means for you as a couple), every 2 months have a romantic get away, a step up from a date night but usually local or another town/state. Every two years go on a big vacation together, all the stops.

  79. OP try a product called Crystal deodorant. It's a solid block of salt that contains minerals that prevent the bacteria that causes the stink in the first place. Best thing about it, the block of salt in it lasts for years. My wife has been using this for a while and I had to try it myself. I still sweat, but I never stink. Even if I don't shower, forget to reapply, the stuff I put on yesterday is still working.

  80. Ghosting is a kind of relationship trauma. To not be treated like that, you should only date people you meet organically – in other words, by both being connected in some non-dating social network, getting to know each other first, and where he would be embarrassed to have it known he subjected you to relationship trauma.

    So at church, a hobby group, charity or volunteer work, friend-of-friends, etc. Try that and go slow. Good luck!

    p.s. Workplace romances have their own set of problems, but a lot of people meet that way. It's best if the other person works in a different department.

  81. Do You share finances? If he paid with his own money then I don't see an issue. He can choose to pay whatever he wants for good or bad service.

  82. I am sorry but both my girlfriend as well as ex girlfriend are doing well and I was talking about an argument I had with my girlfriend and wanted advice on this. I am not sure what kind of trigger warning I should have put?

    Must I put that I am talking about a fight in s relationship?

  83. Im 45 male and I'm going to go ahead and be real straight honest with you I know what you're going through because I lived it I know how you feel I understand that you must have done something that was at one point not pleasant I online that I'm heterosexual I like girls I do not do guys but I understand what you mean when we trying to satisfy the other part of ourselves because we care and love them but honestly I'm the kind of person that when at the end of the sexual relation or making love it all depends I like to be with the woman that I shared that moment and a caring way and thanking her for letting me enjoy this pleasure with her because if a woman says no it's no but if she says yes it's gonna be a yes and then we can indulge ourselves in the pleasure that brings sex or making love it depends into the moment I understand that you do not want to have any more relations with your husband and it's fair because to share one's body with somebody it's not something that must not be acknowledged at the end because it's not easy at one point or another to take the decision of sharing yourself to someone whether it be a couple a girlfriend boyfriend husband wife lover or whatever it's not easy to take that decision because we do know because we are adults that engaging in this type of activities can have consequences that range from unwanted pregnancies or diseases or whatever you know they're a lot of things that could happen wrong but that's when you're with somebody that's s stranger in your life and at one point we do forgive that they're cold at the end because there's no emotion it's only pleasure of the body but when the heart is applied to the equation if you do not acknowledge at the end and give thanks by comforting your lover your spouse or your girlfriend boyfriend that is not fair we are not sexual objects unless we really want to be we are human beings with feelings I know this sounds weird coming from a guy but I do acknowledge that we also can love we also can feel for someone and to make love or have sex with somebody that you care with it's special I don't mind if somebody doesn't agree but it's a very positive thing to end the relation ship of sex with a hug being caring with the person that you have shared a special moment because when you do not have that special person in your life and it's only because you're horny or whatever it's not very satisfying and that is what sometimes we online but it must not be the standard in a relationship where there's love a commitment and you're sharing a life I wish you well and I really hope that your man acknowledges what you do for him because it's clear to me that you really love him and you try to make this relationship work I hope my opinion helps you

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