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Why dont people understand that
I agree he’s definitely hiding something. Just seems odd to not mention such an important part of his life. Also, he did tell me he pays for child support.
Not meaning to be cold here, but is that really the big hang up here? Do you want to have a child with someone who seems to have totally lost themself? For example, you mentioned that she can’t even enjoy the things she used to enjoy doing.
Setting boundaries is important and if your attempts to set them are being ignored or shut down you have a problem on your hands. You’ve only been together a month and have had MULTIPLE fights because of this girl? Are you sure this is going to change? It doesn’t look like it to me
You just can’t dude. He is comfortable where he is, he doesn’t want to change that. If he can’t choose you and your life together over his “safe space” then… you know…
If they had kids, you might have a point. But they don't. There is nothing ancient about resenting the fact that you contribute 80% to your household and your partner is now demanding you contribute 90%. She should get a job.
Stop spreading that lie that guys get violent whenever they're rejected. Very very very miniscule amount of men would do that. Most guys want to protect. And if guys are that pushy, then give them a fake number. Why would you ever give a person that is a perceived threat a way to contact you?
No you’re not old fashioned. It’s completely natural to think of your SO first. Because… you know… you’re supposed to like them. They’re generally the top person you want to make memories with and experience things with. If that’s not the case……. It sounds like he straight up just doesn’t even like his gf and likes his friends way more. Which is sad, but happens I guess. But why anyone would stick around to endure the relationship when the dynamic is constantly this complicated? Man, that sounds exhausting and awful.
Man oh man, I stopped reading after you said “scared to return home because of the yelling” Be a MAN and take charge of your wife and if she didnt agree, leave her as soon as possible!
OP said in another comment that he’s not. So all she has to do is kick him out.
Have you tried a toy like a vibrator? They’re not for everyone (as certain types can cause numbness and be unenjoyable), but it could help with the feeling of being unable to continue with your hands. But if the feeling you’re talking about is that you can’t take any more stimulation (not that your hands are hurting and/or unable to bring you past that point), then a vibe won’t help with that
It was a joke, honey
Im not really sure what the “ick” even means.Just keep in mind no relationship is going to be perfect and you cant expect it to be. So just decide if its a dealbreaker or something you can tolerate. I find that people that put the effort in for me and the relationship are def worth saving even having to deal with a few annoyances. Kind/good hearted people are worth their weight in gold in todays dating climate. I find that when people think they just want to upgrade they find people that are way worse than if they would have simply compromised a little. Now someone that regularly disrespects me isnt something id be willing to tolerate so it all depends on their actions good and bad.
Sex toys! a lot of foreplay, kissing her a lot. Maybe it won’t make her intiate, but it will get her in the mood more. Have an honest conversation
I agree with this- plus, they should all know exactly what you’re talking about if he acts the same way around them.
I’m addition- you mentioned that you did tell him it made you uncomfortable yet he still did it. So you can mention that as well.
This is not true. I don't know where you work, but physical holds can not be done as retribution. For anything. So if the bite is over, you don't do a physical hold. If there is imminent danger to self or others then hold. If they have stopped/are safe then no hold.
You don’t get a choice in the matter as a caretaker. If you dont you are at risk of losing your license.
Where would you lose your license for not doing a hold? This sounds like you are not a nurse or other licensed staff that can order an emergency hold.
Why is he sending pics and gifs to the sitter?
Please google borderline personality disorder.
Your sister sounds exactly like my sister.
You and your brother need to lay it out and tell them what shes doing.
Seems like they touched a nerve for you?
As a woman I can understand doubts, but taking a DNA test should come as an offer from me to him, not from him solely without the whiff of suggestion of cheating.
Secretive, dismissive, and mean… aka he’s cheating and deflecting.
Maybe he was hoping the test would show not his kid so he had an excuse to blame you and leave
If you’re not able to or want to find a job somewhere else you’ll have to have a conversation with your boss about informing your father about your work performance. It would be beneficial to mention this incident because it happened due to your boss’ actions. Overall it’s unethical for a boss to inform a parent of an adult employee about said employees work performance, and it’s not the best thing for a business to have employee’s personal life being broadcast in front of paying customers.
You really should get a new job though. Save up your money and get the heck out of there and away from your (seemingly emotionally abusive) father.
You’re only 18 and you’re saying someone that doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care about you and makes you feel like shit for not looking like a 25 year old who looks like she’s in her late 30s, is worthy of your time.
You’ll look back on this later and wish you’d had never entertained this worthless person.
Bro this is the one you get rid of immediately. She’s telling you all the things you want to hear and doing the things she shouldn’t be doing. This is the guy she cheated on her ex with and she refuses to drop this guy from her life. If you are waiting for her to change… that’s a long wait for a train don’t come. Just leave. Don’t give an ultimatum because if it’s come to that then it’s over anyways. Be honest and tell her that you cannot accept her having this dude in her life given the history and there is nothing she can say that will change that. She disrespected her ex and is continuing to do so with you. This is a pattern and you need to find your way out. Y’all have only been together for 6 months, you’ll be fine. I bet that dude finds his way to living with her right after you break up too.
Based on your wife going out without a wedding ring on and then renting a hotel room with her friend? Yeah, she will end up cheating on you and she is giving zero shits about how you feel on the matter. It's time for you to get to action and make it understand you are seriously thinking of ending things because she seems to be on a dangerous path and doesn't care if it ruins her life or not. You wife is either searching for someone to cheat with or has been doing so. Your wife's friend is a cheater and suddenly your wife hangs out with her more and more? Yeah GIANT red flag dude.
This guy loves the sound of his own voice. Don’t overthink this. If you’ve decided to move in nothing he posted there should change that.
Imagine if this was the other way around. We would be roasting OP alive.
Other than the NSFW ones, that feels a bit scummy
You handled yourself very maturely. Bravo sir.
In my “family circle” the titles of “ Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Brother/Sister” are often given to especially close friends. You can explain this to your daughter by telling her that this man is not really either your or your wife’s brother, but an especially close friend. We call this “ honorary family”.
I didn’t mean to phrase it in that way I was just trying to say that kids are a lot of money so I’m unsure if we’d be able to support them on a one income household. I don’t care if I’m poor or rich I just want to be able to put food on the table for my children when and if I ever have any and give them a decent life.
OP's girlfriend didn't say “sex was must better with another guy”, she said the craziest sex she'd ever had was with an ex. Those are two different things. One really wild sexual experience with an ex does not mean all her sexual encounters with that ex were great or amazing. Just that one situation happened to be memorable for her.
You're also not painting a fair picture of what actually happened. OP admitted that he kept pushing his girlfriend to ask a question that she didn't want to answer. It's entirely on him that he wouldn't let it go and his feelings got hurt. Don't ask questions you don't want honest answers for.
The fact that you are conflicting scenarios into the same thing tells me that you lack both emotional intelligence and reading comprehension.
OP, first off, I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry your bf has repressed trauma, etc. I wish you both the best. That said, I honestly don't think couples therapy is where you should be throwing your time and money.
I agree wholeheartedly with the person who said INDIVIDUAL therapy is what your bf needs. He (and you) should NOT be focusing on “saving the relationship”; he needs to devote time and energy to working with a therapist on his own to sort out his stuff.
This sounds like heavy stuff, that will take years of therapy to bring out and help heal. That's what individual therapy is for: Dealing with the big stuff so you can be a whole person and try to have a normal relationship. Couples therapy is more for communication issues, bringing pet peeves to the table to address and work on, issues parenting together, etc. – it's not really designed for deep-dive individual trauma issues.
You can't 'fix' this guy. And honestly, it sounds like he has so much to unpack in his past that he doesn't need to be trying to make a relationship happen at the same time. If I were you, I'd help him find a therapist, wish him the best, be there to support him as a FRIEND if that's something you're interested in doing, and maybe circle back around to more than friends in a few years after he's got his $hit together. Good luck.
No, “adulting” means taking care of your finances, budgeting, handling your taxes, and being self sufficient. Your ex is not an adult.
As a person who loves and wants kids, I understand how you are viewing childfree people. I also couldn’t fathom that others didn’t want kids, but there are many reasons why people don’t want kids and it’s valid. I was abused as a child and I would never want another child to go through that. Some people just know they couldn’t handle a child, had to raise their siblings, suffered child abuse, etc. In the end, it’s none of my business nor does it hurt others. So, I don’t really care if people want kids or not.
Just talk to him about how you want to get on the same page of prioritizing communication, and work out a schedule of when you should both actively plan to be available. You don’t need to make this specifically about him gaming. It’s about the two of you making time to connect.
Get therapy.
He's asking for the impossible (as in only genetic trsting can determine this), not that those dates make it impossible
There's some people that have secrets like that and never tell anyone. If you want to chance it them go ahead but just be ready for some backlash.
Now I see. You live! in bubble. There is a real world up there.
I think you should ask him out if you’re interested in another date. If he says no, you have your answer and don’t have to wonder any longer. If he says yes, you get another date with someone you had a great time with.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the advice as well! ❤️
Your mom’s weird selfishness aside: Have two dances, or split the dance between the two. My husband split his mother/son dance with his mom and stepmom. No one thought anything of it.
I'd say it has to do with another women, of corse he wouldn't tell you because if it fizzles out during your 'separation' he knows you wouldn't take him back.
Do what he has asked, even though you have to live! together treat him like a room mate, don't clean up after him, do his washing, cook for him, and only communicate about your son nothing else, not how his day was or yours yada yada,
Start going out with friends for the night, for meals or for drinks, or to watch a movie, so he can get a sense of what life without you is like.
But I'm saying it's someone else and he wants to sleep with them and see if there any there while keeping you on the hook as a foolout
She is “blatantly” having a relationship with her father. Yes OP said the dad is racist. It is important to keep them low contact and protect kids. But no I would never promise not to ever speak to my dad and OP doesn't get to make that decision for her. It sounds like they tried to but then had a baby with her anyway. This is a problem.
He's 27!! Why exactly are you with a man who is both predatory and has no respect or affection for you. You were having a miscarriage and he couldn't even offer you support. Oh no, drinking is not important. Note that you aren't old enough to be out with him, but old enough to knock up. He's been using the pull out method?? Has he been tested for STI's prior to starting a sexual relationship?
He asked you for sex while you were miscarrying his child. That is vile! There is no redemption for this and you're making excuses for him. There are none.
You need to take control of your own life, you are young and should not throw away your future on this scumbag. Break up and leave while he's away. Do not respond to his messages or calls. You need time to heal, both emotionally and physically.
It seems that they’re projecting because their decision to forgive them both and your sister to allow herself to betray her sister got them involved with an abuser. They can’t blame your sister, sister is too much of coward, so who do they have.. you.
It isn’t your fault and putting yourself through their verbal assault isn’t worth it. Support from a distance and take up for yourself.
Definitely you need to GO WITH HIM!!!
I'm not sure I understand here. This happened several years ago, at the beginning of your marriage? She says she has felt bad about it yet she's still in touch with the guy? Why did she tell now?
I suspect that he threatened to contact you? So she felt trapped? Either way, the cheating is horrible, but staying in touch with the guy is like twisting the knife.
The ONLY way I could see you making this work with her is to start over. Divorce her then if you want to try dating her, slowly, then do so. Just realized that 6 months into your marriage is the honeymoon phase. If she cheated then, there is no way you can trust her in 5 or 10 years. Your marriage at this point is built on lies. All of it. I would want to divorce as soon as possible to end the charade. If you want to try again with her, do so by starting fresh. However, I personally don't see how you could ever trust her again.
Sounds like you aren’t ready to commit. Let her move on to someone who might be
I just don't understand not taking everything out of your pockets beiyou take the pants off…? I don't get how this is even a debate. Aren't there things in the pockets he needs? Like daily?
I found sharon lol
You should maybe read your own links that you post? It even says “the true percentage remains unknown”. How can they be certain of 5% then? Every “study” on this is flawed because it only uses proved false accusations in court, however most false accusations never make it to court, you don't need it, you can destroy a man's life with mob justice as well.
So i need to ask in order to know the truth, right? Not to be told the truth withouht me needing to figure it out.
NTA
You need to tidy up after yourself. Put the socks in the hamper and your dishes in the sink and wash them.
Both of you need to learn how to communicate because obviously this isn’t working. Yelling and the silent treatment is abusive, she needs therapy and couples therapy could help you communicate.
I would feel comfortable saying that to a DV victim. Sorry about your troubles but don't call my husband. Period.
Why did you move in with someone you were constantly fighting with? This relationship started toxic and has gotten worse. I do not get why you stay in this mess.
Well I don't think strip clubs are a hobby though. I have better things to do than go to a strip club.
Yes so she can better friend
If she could afford apartment she would. We are still struggling financially from covid. It took a very big chunk out of us. We're not bankrupt yet. That's why we're living in a shack. We chose to downsize and repay our debt instead of going bankruptcy. If I could afford an apartment for her she would have it already.