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I agree he shouldn't be forced to choose but he's a bit of a shitty son if it gets to the point where the mum makes an ultimatum, as a kid it's fine but as an adult you'd expect the son the go Low Contact/No Contact with the cheater.
” I am in shock and I really don’t know what to do to get out of my feeling.”
I think accepting that this wasn't just a one time act and that your boyfriend and mom are selfish people that are willing to risk destroying someone they love for an orgasm will probably help you move on. Holding out hope for either of them will keep you in the limbo of never being able to move on.
What does your therapist suggest?
Newsflash: He was never invested in making you feel good. He fingered you a couple times but never went down on you, while expecting you to go down on him to the extent he now shoves your head down to demand it. Gross.
Not at all, i'd like to see you try to explain that.