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Been together with my wife for 13 years. She still arouses me more than anyone to this day.
Plus I don't understand why he would say this. We're (heterosexual) men, we get aroused by hot women, it's in our dna. But that doesn't mean we get bored fast
I understand the benefits of this, but I had an issue with trying to count calories and being strict on what I could eat in the past. If I start trying to do that again, I'm positive it will negatively affect my mental health.
I still love her. I reached out to her several times in an attempted to try to get back with her but she rejected me over and over again. So I tried throughout my days to do it by sleeping with someone. Which is stupid I know.
I would ask the friend you are staying with for their advice. If you are helping organize an engagement party, your friend knows you are invested here and might have some wisdom about what is going on. As awkward as it is to do, I don't think it is out of line to ask one of the couple getting married about the bridal party. Couples often have to choose between close friends in order to make a bridal party. Because it is a friend group and because you live a distance away, it may be the case that you feel closer to these friends than they do to you. There is no shame in that. I've been on both sides of such an imbalance. However, it would help you to know whether it was a matter of practicality – (ex: it is easier for local people to participate, numbers- they couldn't have a large party) or something else. It would be reasonable to ask the couple if you were going to be invited to the wedding if you feel there is any doubt. Obviously you would need to know in order to make travel plans and it would avoid obvious awkwardness later. If you simply are not in the bridal party, let it go and have a wonderful time. If you won't be invited to the wedding, have a heart-to-heart with these people you are close to. This is how friends sort out problems.
Long story short you gonna have to decide if you wanna get back together though with 6 months to tell you she cheated i wouldnt waste my time your both still young and chances are she would do it again, if im wrong thats fine but taking that chance may end badly for you.
Because typos are funny to me. Note that I did separate my amusement from my serious take.
Don’t know it’s not contained in the narrative, hence it would be weird for me to make up an answer to it.
Seems like, OP, should talk to him about why he’s close to her and what that means and how she feels about it and ask how he feels about it.
If she does that and comes back to us with the answer I’ll be happy to answer your question.
u might have to give an ultimatum bro. when ppl are married it's called a 2 card solution – you give them a business card for a marriage counselor, and a business card for a divorce attorney and tell them they can pick one.
Get her to apologise to your friend first of all. Then have a frank conversation with her about your friends sense of humour and how flipping out like that isn’t acceptable. You shouldn’t have to chose between your friend and your gf. But if you do, you post sounds like you’ve decide which one you would chose. Hope it works out for you
Why ruin her happiness cause urs is gone
Ha! I actually did that to a tactless boyfriend, he mentioned how most his exes were so hot and that I was “ok” in comparison. So I waited, until that perfect opportunity came along and told him “how most my exes had bigger/thicker pp than him” lol so funny, his pp is actually on the larger side of the spectrum, but he got so insecure. He must have read between the lines too because he NEVER said stupid tactless stuff ever again.
You say you're working with a therapist, is this something you could work on with them to figure out how to express all this to your gf?
Your romantic relationship is different from your platonic ones, so different standards apply. I’m the same way that some things are appropriate in your romantic relationship are not appropriate in your platonic ones (such as, for example, being hot in front of him), some things that are appropriate in your platonic relationships aren’t appropriate in your romantic relationship.
In a romantic relationship, your partner is emotionally invested in you in a way that your friends aren’t. This means that things you say may affect him differently than how they may affect your friends. For example, perhaps a self deprecating joke may be funny to your friends but may make your bf upset because he is emotionally invested in you and doesn’t like to hear you speak negatively of yourself. Or maybe talking about your previous sex life/partners makes for normal conversation with your friends but makes your boyfriend uncomfortable.
I don’t know your relationship obviously and I’d be interested to know what he said that in response to, but assuming the best of both of you, I wouldn’t take this as a bad thing. It sounds like you may have unknowingly hit a sensitive spot of his. Maybe bring it up to him in a loving way and ask why it made him uncomfortable so you can talk about it and learn more about him. If your relationship is healthy and true, a conversation like this should be gentle on both sides and ultimately bring you closer to each other.
We can all have a really bad reaction to alcohol, I genuinely don’t think you were spiked, sounds like the fresh air sniper got you, it happens. Unfortunately you can’t control anything at that stage, and the most irrational thoughts and feelings become completely rational in your drunken state.
Your other half knows you’re not that person and I’m sure he will forgive you, but you royally messed up getting physical with him – that is not ok! If he’d done it to you, everyone here would be telling you to leave him..
Not going to say stop drinking but take positive steps to reduce the chance of getting that wasted again; eat and stay hydrated before going out, slow down on the drinking, avoid shots and stick to singles, skip a round here and there.. we all just want to get to the ‘merry’ stage not blackout drunk.
The only thing he did wrong in all the years of relationship is lying this one time , how many women have strippers on their girls nights or bachelorette parties. I mean he didn’t cheated , he doesn’t want to hurt her but he although didn’t want to look like a puss to his friends. Talking and couples therapy would be the No. 1 thing to do before thinking about breaking up
Easy to say what to do about your best friend – cut him off. He's not a friend at all, let alone a best friend.
Harder to know what to do about your ex. To have a shot at it, you'd have to be able to put her experience in the past. Are you able to do that?
This is why Trans people get beat up often. Tricking and lying. Be safe our there. Be careful. Can't trust anyone.
I did. She told me that her past was “normal”. I trusted her. It wasn’t until recently that she gave the the entirety of it
Sounds like a great person
Wow, I get wanting to go on an adventure with people who are adventurists. But telling you that you are going to lessen the fun and it doesn't matter what you think she's going is next level. She doesn't care about your feelings. You can disagree about plans and she can go on a trip you don't want her to and still have shown you that she respects your opinions and cherishes your relationship. But she went with you're no fun and I'm going no matter what. The sad part is she will most likely not be going. Because who really gets to go on trips they invite themselves on six months in advance. He probably said yes at that moment and never talked to her about it again.
Stop joking about it, if you joke about it he thinks it's a joke and you find it funny. It's not a joke and it's not funny so you need to communicate that this is a serious issue and deal breaker. Also do not fall for “I don't know how to do it”, you shouldn't be the one to teach him, he is capable of googling and watching youtube tutorials on his own. Once you communicate very seriously and clearly that this is a deal breaker, allow him a few weeks to show that he is taking it seriously and improving. If he isn't just bounce, he showed you he does not care.
Wow ya divorce sounds right. What a horrible “joke” for you, Kelly and Steve. Why would he think that is funny and that’s horrible of his friends for laughing. Even if you did offer that would be such a nice thing to do for a couple you’ve known for 8 years that you have known how much they struggled. The “joke” really has to be that. The friend group dislikes you and would rather adopt than take your generous offer.
It really feels like your husband doesn’t like you. It’s sucks but you’d probably be happier single. Why would your own husband be so mean to you?
How are you pacing this trip, time-wise?
No it’s definitely not her but definitely an issue with people my age. Yeah I think I’ll just be up front with her and see what happens I appreciate it.
No it’s definitely not her but definitely an issue with people my age. Yeah I think I’ll just be up front with her and see what happens I appreciate it.
No it’s definitely not her but definitely an issue with people my age. Yeah I think I’ll just be up front with her and see what happens I appreciate it.
well yeah i was friends with him too, i met with him through her tho and wasnt as close with him like i was with her but still. i also didnt meet with her looking for a lover. she was charming but i was just looking for a friend and had no intentions for love. it just developed with time. yet it felt wrong knowing him too so i am still feeling real bad on that part.
Call a domestic violence hotline. They will help you find housing and give you resources. You are not safe Don’t wait.
How? I said Oh, wow really as in being concerned.
I'm a guy and sorry to out him but it's a big stretch.
Seriously upset you watched Jack Ryan…tbh I don’t even know how to respond that lol. My boyfriend and I have very different tastes in shows. He likes anime and stuff like that. I like action and romcoms. However we watch everything together as a way to connect with each other. Dump him fast. He’s a 22 year old child.
Also definitely watch Jack Ryan. It’s awesome!!!
⬆️⬆️ i agree… something happening with your bf over there. I’m sorry OP.
I have to say: although everyone is criticising your communication, it is his communication that is really poor. 2-3 months into seeing each other is supposed to be the golden time, when both of you are really loved up. And if not, definitely seeking to impress the other person.
I get the vibe that he is Not That Into You.
I would be moving on personally.
Girl, dig your clothes out of the trash and put your (ex-)boyfriend in there!
See if the venue has any security. Tell them that it is a black tie event and if he arrives in costume, not to give him entrance. They could tell him that “part of their job is to ensure an enjoyable time for the wedding couple. Since the couple have requested a black tie event, you won't be admitted unless you change.”
I personally think it would be worth paying extra for that. His family will not be able to just let him in.
Also, people often have both wedding party members and other roles such as ushers in a wedding. Consider having some of your bigger friends act as ushers and give them the same directions.
The point is, you have politely expressed your very reasonable desires, it is your wedding, and it should not fall on you personally to be the bad guy. You should be busy celebrating and marrying. Professionals at the venue and your close friends should be tasked with handling this.
The best way is the most direct way so just tell him.
Be prepared though for him to ask what else you have been lying about and for him to not believe you when you say “nothing”. That's not how this works.
Or not say anything at all and hope it never ever comes up.
I know which one I'd be inclined to go with (hint: being honest now).
Your wife needs to grow up.
Don't fight for someone who has already decided they don't want to be with you.
You can state your case, what you think about the relationship, but if that doesn't work, don't chase. You're worth more than that.
Don't be with someone who can't handle or support your mental health, either. While no one should have to put up with toxic behaviour with the excuse of mental illness, a partner should be willing to support you when you have an episode or things are just really hot.
This also seems to be the case of an in-law giving the wife crap while the husband just sits back and lets it happen. That sounds like a similar situation with your SIL, boyfriend, and yourself. Your brother also sucks for sitting back and letting her treat you like crap. Find a partner who's willing to stick up for you and see things from your perspective, or at the very least understand why you're upset or uncomfortable..
You're both really young and still growing and figuring it out. It hurts now, but you'll be able to take the time to figure out who and what you want in life. I thought I was with the love of my life at nineteen. I was not. Now, looking back, I can't fathom being with that person.
Who knows though, you two could reconnect later as grown, healthy adults who have figured things out. You could be friends, you get back together, or just look back at the relationship as a time that helped you learn and continue growing.
I think he has a lot of growing up to do, like most twenty-two-year-olds. So do you. Give yourself the space to do that. Step back, focus on something else, then look back with more objectivity and hindsight.
I know all this sucks. Break ups usually do.
She keeps on texting me to meet and talk about this like adult
Sounds like you're going to have to block her.
She then took a solid 20min telling me she betrayed fiancé because how much she didn’t deserved me. How I was to good, handsome, attractive and wealthy for her
This was my exact hypothesis and I got downvoted to oblivion (not by OP). No supposed 'bf' would do something like that without wanting something out of it for herself. Which, as it turns out is:
She then offered to come to my place in order to support me
Yep, it must be Muslim night for all the creative writers out there.
Came in here expecting some kid hating, “not my clump of cells/parasite” but read the update and think you actually did the right thing. Denying someone the space they need is a deal breaker for me, it's one of the reasons that started the process of my dumping my ex.
Came in here expecting some kid hating, “not my clump of cells/parasite” but read the update and think you actually did the right thing. Denying someone the space they need is a deal breaker for me, it's one of the reasons that started the process of my dumping my ex.
Holy shit you need to leave this guy ASAP. All this “but he’s nice to me sometimes” crap is going to get your head cracked on some asphalt.
No, it’s not. I hope that now that her husband has done this to her son and not just her that she actually understands how damaging and unacceptable it is.
My frustration comes from an uptick in posts lately where women have absolute shit husbands, post about it and when people go “ummm maybe you shouldn’t put up with that?” they attack like piranhas saying that “he’s so great in so many other ways!!”
There was this dummy on here posting about her husband and how he would sit in his car for two hours when he got home from work to avoid parenting and helping with her kids. Oh and he also started calling her when she took an evening job because one of the kids was sick and also they wouldn’t behave. She VERBATIM said “he only wants to parent when they are healthy and behaving.” When people ripped him apart, and immediately backpedaled saying that “oh you don’t get it! He’s so amazing in other ways!”
Then looking at her comment history she was going on other posts often of other women complaining another their crap partners and telling them how she wouldn’t deal with that with her “hubby.” She didn’t like when I called her out with a “this you ?” ?
There’s no relationship without trust right?
Right.
You know what would be sketchy? Your girlfriend keeping friendships secret from you.
You know what would be fucked up? Your girlfriend feeling that she’s not allowed to be friendly with coworkers because her caveman boyfriend would be angry.
You know what else is true? Agreeing to be in a relationship means taking a risk that you might be cheated on or have your heart broken. There is no relationship without risk, which is why there is no relationship without trust.
The choices are to keep your partner in a metaphorical prison where you watch their every move and police every aspect of their lives, or decide to trust them.
Me too.
That’s how I feel…
Then she should demand child support with back pay right up to birth. If he agrees he really wants to meet them. If not he can fuck off.
Lol, no. She never told him she had the kids. He should only pay back child support if he wants. He told her he thought she would abort and she chose not to tell him otherwise. He shouldn't be punished for her choices. That's your emotional reaction to the situation.
You don’t get to live the single life right up until the kids don’t need much and then pop in. She gave up so much and he did nothing.
He didn't know he had kids. Are you not understanding that piece? How can he do anything when he's not even aware he has kids. And she chose to go it alone. Again, he told her he thought she would get an abortion. She never corrected him. This is all because of her choices.
I’d lawyer up.
I agree. He should lawyer up. He was kept away from his kids for years. He didn't get to be there at their birth, missed out on so many firsts, and now OP still wants to keep him away. Some women just think they should be able to control whether or not a man is a dad or even how much of a dad he is. SMH
Get a lawyer.
IANAL
She ain't getting full custody. She has history of straight up abandoning her child. No judge in their right mind is going to look at that and go:
“Yeah sure, the kid can online with her now”.
There will be a custody arrangement. Worst case, shared. But she's not getting full custody.
Why are you still in this relationship? He doesn't feel like driving? Poor baby. But you should drive overtired after a 24h shift. As if you feel like driving – or even hoing out. You need a partner who understand what you are going through and not give a shit. Like you cries your eyes out for losing the child patient and he makes even more drama for 8 minutes, instead offering you a shoulder to cry on.
Concentrate on yourself. You don't need a relationship that just cause you stress.
Just so you know Im a doctor, and smoking around a newborn increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome. You need to put your newborns safety first. If he's unwilling to go outside and smoke then you need to do something.
Thank you for being a decent person and wanting to make the right decision.
I can’t tell you what the right decision in this case is but I can tell you that you should do what feels right in your case. If you would feel guilty continuing things with S then that indicates that you should make the other decision. It sounds like your natural inclination was initially to talk to her first, this is what I would also do if I was in your situation.
I think if I was the wife in this case, I’d want to know first.
OP, speaking as a man and husband here. Find a man who cherishes, appreciates that you share it with him, and protects your sexuality. Not one who exploits it for his own ego.
Dump this creep.
You can’t threaten an open marriage, you either both agree you’re in one or he’s cheating
Also, every response he gives you sounds like he wants a Nanny not a partner
Bake and be merry love ?
Oh the red flags are many and they are waving strong with a 100mph wind. I m sitting here thinking of all the things you probably don t know yet. I d really reconsider spending the kind of money to travel to the US and stay for any length of time, you are only heading for disappointment with this one. Immature 23yo fixated on money, status, quick Rich schemes , held back by the “white man” , I had to hit him him ” he looked at me wrong” that's a whole lot of fixing to do over face time 5200 miles away. Save your money and your disappointments , cut your losses.
Ask ger about, and tell her you don't want to assume the worst so you would like to open it on your eyes, and show you everything.
If she refuses, regardless of ger words, assume the worst, and break up.
I'd honestly smash the air tag up. When you next see him give him the broken pieces back and say “this is how you treated me and what you did to my heart. No I won't ever get back with you.” Drop the smashed up pieces in his hand, sashay away and go straight elsewhere.
I get that you're invested in him and he hasn't done anything egregious, but he's made a series of very deliberate decisions to hide the truth from you that makes his underlying intentions suspect.
Problem 1: if this was just a lucky happenstance, why didn't he go “oh hey! Your mom was my favorite teacher in highschool! She talked about you a lot and I looked you up once… you're even cuter in person, want to go out?” Instead, he heavily lied by omission… to the point where HIS OWN FRIENDS pulled you aside because they thought it was fucked up that he was actually dating you.
Problem 2: he inserted himself into a family event he was not invited too. That's rude and really seems like he was doing it because of his fantasy of being related to your mom/part of the family. That isn't healthy or okay. It raises alarm bells that he did this repeatedly, especially after you two have had fights… He clearly has decided in his head that he's as much a part of the family as you are, as opposed to being invested in YOU and the family you two might want to build TOGETHER, he's instead trying to build-a-bear the family he didn't get with the mom he wanted to have.
You need to call him out on it and/or breakup. He very clearly could benefit from therapy to work through his family trauma instead of latching on to a surrogate and using your relationship to make it happen. I personally don't think he stalked you to make this work out (hopefully) but he's definitely manipulated the situation to get what he wants and has not been honest with you.
I recommend telling your mom first. This deeply involves her and she may likely have insight and advice that is better than what Reddit can provide. She also needs to be warned in case your conversation with him goes badly.
To that point, I'd try to talk this out somewhere public. Even just a fairly busy park or a table at a mall. I just have a gut feeling that this could push him over the edge and he might react badly to being called out. Best to keep yourself safe… he might seem perfectly loving now, but if he feels that “his family” might be “torn apart” because of you and the delusion breaks… who knows what he might do. Could be totally unnecessary but better safe than sorry.
This person is gross!
He sounds like a control freak who wants to keep you home alone with nothin fun and wants you to hate yourself. He’s isolating you.
Thank you, I really appreciate this! Focusing on the good instead of the negative would definitely help. Investing in my hobbies instead of dwelling on where I “fall short” would certainly benefit me. And honestly a journal might help! Thank you ?
Break up and find a new guy whom you can’t keep your hands off
Differing values are a dealbreaker. Differing politics can mean differing values, or it can mean the same values but different beliefs on how to pursue those values
This is a great way to put it. I have much different politics than my wife, but we share the values we care about. We vote for the same candidates in general elections, sometimes different ones in primaries, and a mix in bond/ballot initiatives.