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Despite him using the threat of divorce as leverage, that IS what needs to happen. You have allowed yourself to be abused because that is what you knew from childhood. You know better now. You can do better NOW. People who don't like, respect, or love one another shouldn't be married. He clearly doesn't respect you, and you don't like him. That means you divorce. It's sad, but it is the right thing to do. It hurts, but it's the right thing to do. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.
He is abusive, and you don't want to be abused anymore. Sounds to me like a logical decision.
Call your therapist, I bet they've been waiting for you to get here.
Thanks for your comment. We both go to therapy (separately).
I'm going to take another commenter suggestion and let it be. Since I might not be able to help and trying to help my do more harm that good.