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Can't really help you sense we have no idea what it is he did.
Hey ChatGPT or Sydney. Got a question to ask?
Fair enough. I think the highest priority here is to get him to improve his behavior. You cannot, ever, work with someone who's emotionally and verbally abusive. I promise you, it has never worked, and it will never work.
Until he learns to never accost you verbally, or attack you emotionally, your flaws are immaterial. You have to talk to him about this. He has to promise to stop. And he has to follow through. Nothing that you do which upsets him matters if he continues to do this. Because nothing justifies his behavior, while yours, can be mitigated to some extent.
If his values truly mirrored yours, then I should hope that he has a value that says “don't malign, attack, and abuse your spouse”.
If and when he stops doing that.. you can ask him to support you, instead of maligning you. Support you to improve in this area. This may be ADHD related as some have suggested, and that's worth exploring. But generally speaking, therapy is a decent option too. Since you mentioned depression and anxiety.
But again, I must emphasize, nothing that I suggest matters until your husband makes a permanent change in how he treats you. Because if he doesn't.. you'll be making another post 5-10 years from now, complaining about your miserable and suffocating marriage, and how you're unhappy but feel stuck and can't leave.
You say that he has very high standards.. well, be kind to your future self, and raise your own standards for how your husband must treat you.