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You're not alone in having forged a lockdown relationship based largely on “trauma bonding”. This person obviously needs some psychological intervention. Sadly it's in the nature of those not ready to address their problems to blame others for not being able to do the work only a trained therapist could do. As with most of these, this basically comes down to whether she's willing to get the help she needs or not. You can't really have a relationship with someone in this state. But if she'll commit to working on her problems in therapy there might be hope.
I don't see how the child is going to benefit from this situation. OP isn't my concern, especially since his motivation seems to be more spite than actually worrying about the child's well being. He's just butt hurt that his ultimatum didn't work and he's getting the same bullshit thrown back at him.
Both parties would make bad parents, whether they're together or not