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I wouldn’t stay with him after this and after only 5 months I wouldn’t be playing house with him anyway. This sounds like a recipe for disaster that is about to come to a rolling boil. Take a step back in the relationship and don’t do sleep overs at all for a good while.
Was in bf’s shoes years ago. Things weren’t progressing like I wanted them to with girl I was seeing. Called her out on not seeming invested in the relationship and she tells me she’s got another dude on side since we weren’t officially bf/gf. Told her I couldn’t handle it then and broke off. Painful since I liked her a lot but what could I do.
You don't need to engage in unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. Figure out your maintenance calories and eat slightly under it by maybe 300 calories. You won't feel particularly hungry and you'll lose weight at a slow but steady pace assuming no issues specific to you are to be factored in
For real, like a dopamine high?
Get the paternity test, it’s highly unlikely that it’s actually yours if you did get the snip. Maybe she doesn’t want you to feel bad if she was seeing someone else. Kind of sounds like you two aren’t a couple but I’m not sure. If you go get the test and it is yours, you’ll have parental rights and have a say in if it goes up for adoption or not. If it’s not yours, not your problem and stay out of it.
I just want to say you’re doing a great job. I absolutely commend you for what you’re doing, but you definitely are burning the wick at both ends and can’t maintain this pace/ workload forever. Is it possible to hire someone for in home care? Or have frequent visitation if you were to have her stay at a care facility?
Sounds like she is using him to hurt you. Be there when you can and fight for equal custody. It's not too late to show him that's its not true.
I've been where you are it's been more than a year and I still haven't heard back from her. When people tell you who they are believe them
Your boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive and you should absolutely move out and leave now while you're pregnant and not wait to bring a baby into this situation. Because then your excuses and reasoning for not leaving will only double, or even triple, because now you have someone else to look after too.
Leave him. Even if you don't leave the state, just break up with him. He's already hurt you physically and emotionally, as well as taken your housing away. He is not safe. No matter what he says.
I did had a habit of bringing up past mistakes from her as well and getting mad while she is also mad, but i've been keeping that away as well and not bringing up past things she's hurt me but sometimes I just can't help but defend myself to prove that I wasn't this or that to her.
I think due to how the dating world works atm, a lot of guys feel like they should be happy with any female attention they get. I guess they feel very devalued by it all and there for tend to accept more then they should.
here’s my take from being both visitor and host often throughout my life. this is MY experience so it’s not universal. every time i’ve hosted or have been hosted, every one of these points were followed as i explain, both casual and long term visits, by middle school friends staying for dinner and adult trips alike.
1.) only very close family takes the initiative to clean, if they do at all. ex: uncle who lives nearby and visits often does dishes at grandpas, but my parents who live across the country and visit once a year don’t. i occasionally help with dishes at my in-laws. dishes are pretty much the only chore guests partake in. we’ve never expected others or have been expected to clean much further than picking up after our own messes. it’s a little rude of your guest to leave additional messes and not clean her own dishes, but i dont blame her for not doing everybody’s dishes after a meal, say. if the stay is longer than a few days i’d expect to offer to do dishes maybe once or twice in the week, but dishes were still usually the hosts job.
2.) cooking is typically done by the hosts. guests were never expected to supply food or meals if they are staying at the house. guests occasionally are expected to bring a dish if it’s a holiday/day trip that has a large meal everyone will eat, provided they aren’t staying at the house, or are comfortable enough preparing it there while staying. i’ve helped with side dishes when asked at my in-laws or close relatives, but never cooking full meals or main courses for the hosts all by myself. i’m a very anxious and awkward person, i would feel very nervous being expected to cook for someone else, in their home with all of their stuff, all alone. i’m not your hired help, i’ve been offered a place to stay by you. you initiated this situation, even if she had remarked on her lack of holiday plans.
3.) i’ve covered this before but guest etiquette is to pick up after yourself and if the host is comfortable with you using their stuff, cleaning any dishes you use. this may require extra explanation from the host as to their preferred cleaning method (rinsing it out in the sink for host to clean later vs washing the dish by hand vs quick rinse then dishwasher, etc.) the idea behind your actions as a guest is essentially living as if you would be able to collect your things and leave without a trace immediately if asked. no belongings strewn about, no uncleaned trash, no making yourself completely at home. depends on the length of the stay, obviously, and your familiarity to the hosts. i’d make sure all of my belongings were always in my bags unless being used at a friends, but at my parents for a long stay i would let myself make a nice dirty clothes pile over here, books/entertainment/etc on this dresser, etc.
4.) communication is key. when you said holiday season i expected this stay to be nearly over, so i was confused as to why you were so pressed about this. set expectations according to length of stay and familiarity with guest. even with a long stay or close family i’d personally feel uncomfortable with someone using my kitchen, so i’d offer it if they wanted to cook once or twice while visiting, but ultimately assume all food responsibilities were mine. i’d ask for preferences (spice tolerance, allergies, etc) to make sure i wasn’t leaving a guest hungry. these practices were also extended toward me whenever i was a guest somewhere. if you’re determined she cooks i’d say you’d be interested in trying her cooking and you’d love to taste a meal she makes at home that’s one of her favorites. i would 100% say that you enjoy hosting her but to leave messes for you to clean up outside of normal daily use chores (i.e a toilet being used) is a little inappropriate, and i’d ask that she picks up after herself. go over the dish expectation for when she uses your dishes like i mentioned in number 3.
5.) i think passive aggressive comments about cooking or dishes are inappropriate for a host to make regardless, but especially if the host has not mentioned that cooking or cleaning was 100% expected. if so far you had only said casual comments that cooking was fine and help with dishes would be appreciated, you can’t really get mad for her failing to do so when she didn’t realize it was viewed as a requirement. explain you’d appreciate it if she took a turn cooking or helped with dishes after a meal, but personally i would never expect either of these from anybody i hosted regardless of how close we were. this is my house that i invited them into, they are not my child to assign chores to for household upkeep. this is not their household. they have no responsibility to scrub toilets or load my dishwasher. hands off my stuff please! i’d make an exception for longer stays, but typically only if the stay was a month or longer, and the guest essentially has to make themselves at home to some degree.
Your ex lied to you for over a year. And he did it so he didn’t look bad and prob to keep you from getting more in the divorce. I’m an AH and petty as shit. I would totally post what ya did here on Reddit on all my SM with names included. I’d also contact my lawyer to see if I could screw in any way. But first….make sure you have proof bc he’ll lie again. I’m so mad for you. Remember that most likely, either him or his new fiancé will end up cheating in the future.
There’s an app you can use to communicate with him that is for parents that are divorced. Use that. Don’t talk to him right now. Let your mother pick up your child. YOU DONT OWE HIM SHIT!!! Tell him to duck off
Dump the dumbass. You're much better off without someone who thinks his hangs should affect your medical care ever.
Correct, you were assaulted. That is awful and you should press charges.
You cheated long before he put his hands on you.
Both these things are true.
I’m really curious. What do you think will be different at 36 than 35?
Your boyfriend is very comfortable in the status quo. You’re the only one feeling angst about it. Why do you think he would magically decide to get a job next year? And what makes you think he would be able to get a job next year?
Expecting sex and being so visibly bummed out when they don't get it?
I'm not sure what advice you want to hear but the solution is to move in with family till you can get back on your feet.
It may not be that simple if she signed a lease. But if she has the option to break the lease 100% this is the best solution for everyone.
fuck no. What the fuck is the point? move on
I 100% agree with what you’re saying. I need to keep reminding myself of this. Ain’t gonna lie though, it’s been nude ever since the infidelity. Never felt she ever made the effort to “make up for” what happened, in any way. Not saying I shouldn’t do it, just naked to motivate myself to make that move after everything and feeling no effort returned even after when she claimed to want us to work.
ABSOLUTELY NOT…!!!
If he wasn’t so shady maybe but the fact you have separate finances even though you’ve been together for 8 years and have children and that he is so insistent on having the money in his account umm no.
Tell him you’ll open a separate savings account in your name and he can transfer his money into your account.
Yeah and? It will alert him, and you tell him if he does anything like that again you'll spread it.
Work there while you find another job with that in your back pocket, and when you find another job, spread it anyways.
Fuck that guy.
The reason why you recommitted was because of him saying that he can meet your needs and wants but he failed, so it’s ok to tell him that it’s final and you’re breaking up with him.
Nope. If he wants to have a joint account you both need access, visibility and amount about of money contributed into the same account.
Absolutely he should have to ask, he doesn't get to just make up the rules in a shared apartment.
For me this would be a dealbreaker, he can't just bring back whatever friends he feels like at any given time, that's ridiculous.
We have snacks and everything.
Say no more fam! Address?
He lied about who he was meeting, he stayed overnight = he had sex with this other woman. He’s already dating her, flirting in messages, having lunch together.
Why did you make the same mistakes? Are you now just going to stop making them? Why did you struggle about her feelings? Will you be able to understand them now?
how would you handle the situation if your partner was using your jokes as their own ?
I would feel good about myself. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It's not like he got on Twitter and mocked you for telling the joke. He thought it was good enough to post live, which goes to show how funny he thought it was.
That’s more of what I’m asking or if it’s any sort of a red flag
It's not a red flag at all.
You’re right. This is very helpful thank you! It is nude to find time to apply to other work but I know it’s what I have to do. I appreciate this.
You know all the terms but nothing about them
This level of dysfunction and co morbid mental illnesses and personality disorders, are beyond the reach of any human
The only way you could look after her is if you worked at the inpatient facility she currently needs to be in
I'm not trying to be crass here but she is beyond the help of any partner, she needs focused inpatient treatment by a pro
You stay, you will only go down with her
Oh no OP, denial is a terrible terrible thing. He clearly wasn’t ready to start a new relationship, and he clearly has many issues to work on, if he is hiding it from you then there is something to hide.
Maybe make your post more concise? Thay way people won't ask you through same question.
Dude, why are you talking about all the things you're doing wrong as though you are at fault for this?
IT IS HIS FAULT.
He cheated. Sexting someone and saying you want to role-play with them is cheating. Flirting with a coworker through text is cheating.
What's worse is that he gaslit you when you found the texts to the coworker, pretending he didn't think they were flirty texts. Let's see what his reaction would be if he found texts like that to a male coworker on your phone – I really don't think he would be confused if the tables were turned.
My advice to you is to tell your family what he did. They will be horrified and that will help you have perspective on how shitty he is and why you need to end the relationship. Break ups are nude, yes, but this guy is a lying, gaslighting snake and you need to leave.
it's been 3 months, you're 21, I'd get that 3 months seems like a lot at that age, but don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
Make a decision based on if you're ok with arguing all day for the rest of your live or not. Not based on how long you've been together.
Hey, you don’t have to have a conversation. If you do choose to, and personally I would but only through texts so you have a paper trail in case you choose to press charges. I’m sure there’s a way you can get him to admit what he’s done without outright saying he SA you. But if you feel like you can’t muster up the courage to have that conversation right now, don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You take your power back.
Well he’s not much of a partner