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Left it as friends tonight, thanks.
No problem brother.
The event that triggered his traumatic defense mechanism is obvious. The exact specifics (rage, fright, sheer shock) of that blackout can't be known by us random bystanders. And it doesn't really matter. He should still seek out therapy. It was more of a “idk which specific stress response made him blackout” who knows. Not a “golly gee wizz, i can't possibly fathom why someone might get upset that two men broke into their home” who knows.
Looks can be deceiving- my posts would include pictures of us and my posts were so touching they legit brought some of my friends to tears. Everyone commented how “in love” we looked but he was cheating on me with several other people and I was incredibly unhappy. If you really want him to post you talk to him about why it’s important to you even if he thinks it’s not important to him.
Also you checking his phone isn’t healthy especially if the relationship is going well and you have no reason not to trust him
you two on-line together for 2 years, I'd say that's long enough to figure out if either has any dealbreakers. If the two of you are financially stable enough to buy, you probably should because she's right- rent is throwing away money at this point. Or she should, and you just “rent” without being on the title.
Serious question: Was she roofied?
He went to the police instead of using his own hands to put that man in the ground where he belongs. I don’t know if therapy can fix that kind of weakness
Universities and schools protect themselves. Go to the police to protect you
oh, but I do have the flexibility. We go on trips all the time with no kids.
As a child free by choice woman, maybe she shouldn't be trying to be in a relationship with someone who she knows is looking for a deeper kind of committment, while she keeps the best of both worlds -a stable relationship and being single- whenever she decides.
And you wouldn't have to break up with me, cos I did that already, thinking that she's just not right for me if she feels the need to go on party vacations with her single friends. That's the whole issue here. And I am not looking for validation of my actions, but rather advice on whether there are better ways for me to deal with this and protect my feelings.
Preposterous is a great word for it.
Someone’s mental health will never be your responsibility. The things he’s said to you and put you through aren’t things you do to someone you love. And someone using suicide threats to keep their partner with them aren’t characteristics of someone who is genuinely suicidal. It’s just abuse. Suicide (usually) tends to be quiet without telling anyone. So I very much doubt he killed himself. But a wellness check may put your mind at ease
Fuck no.
You’re right. I don’t have much of a social life outside of him, which is why I want to stay friends. I have a few friends but they either on-line far away so we don’t get together too often or have a family of their own they’re preoccupied with. And he owes me $1000 so I don’t want to leave now and never get that back.
Near our place there was a bakery, I would pass it every day on my pay back from the gym, bought my ex a freshly baked goodie every day I went there. He loves it, just the right doze of sweetness every day, and made him feel loved and thought of.
No – stop playing games
I don’t think i’d win because the car was in my dads name even though it was completely mine. And I willfully gave her the 600 assuming she would repay me.
it sucks.
but the more you can turn your focus to you, instead of why…. the easier and easier getting out of bed will feel.
start by going walking. just a block. there and back. and be very quiet and introspective. take a few deep breaths and name your gratitudes, out loud (if you can). by taking one step at a time, paired with the energy of gratitude, propels one forward further and truly helps when ready to pick oneself back up off the bathroom floor.
Okay. He hit you. That's not playful. He got mad he was losing and hit you. Just because hes your friend dosent make it okay. Your a sore loser too..so would you hit him? Did you on the games you lost?
This isnt normal. I have male friends and none of them would hit me out of anger. Maybe shove me in a pool, throw a pillow at me or try to karate kick me on a trampoline. But hit me our of anger or frustration over a video game? Absolutely not. And if they did..they wouldnt be my friend before.
His only desire was the trophy. His obsession, yes, I'm emphasizing OBSESSION, was with your virginity. He didn't want to hype you up and let you know HE was ready for any reason other than his own selfish wants. He's not even acquaintance material, let alone friendship.
I never judged him for not liking weed or alcohol, I let him be but the fact that I always have to be like him and stay at home all day and only got out when it’s necessary is just too much for me, he will guilt trip me for having fun and then says stuffs like “I want the best for you that’s all”
Yeah, I'm not really seeing how the photographer did anything wrong. What unprofessional behavior? It sounds like the groomsman was the one who was in the wrong, no need to drag the photographer through the mud.
Yeah, this argument I'd wager is a about much more than this one day of groceries. He's got no leg to stand on and it was shitty to call her lazy.
That said it's bizarre to me that reddit is piling on this dude. He works full time, does all the cooking, and splits the house work even aside from that. He's getting free rent from OP's parents not her. If these roles were reversed people would be telling her to leave his ass for being a lazy mooch.
yes, he did. dump him
Look, there’s a big thing I’m noticing here. You focus a lot on how it’s affecting you, and how you groveled and deserve to be forgiven, and how it’s turning into resentment for you, but very little on how you’re giving her the space and comfort she needs to process.
As someone who used to grovel, it’s the worst thing you can do when someone needs to process. It pulls them away from their own mental processing and forces them to take care of you, which builds resentment and forces them to take longer to process. I only say this because I know where that comes from, but give up the fact that you groveled. That hurt more than helped, and don’t use it as a weapon against her.
It’s only been a week. Give yourself time to calm down from the whole ordeal so you can have your thoughts in order, and she can have the space she needs. If it were me, I would tell her, “hey, I know I’ve been really impatient with all this, but I hear your need to process, and I want to give you the space to do that. Know that I’m ready to talk whenever you are.” And mean it. Whether you think it’s reasonable or not doesn’t matter right now, because if she isn’t feeling heard about this, then she’s likely to have a harder time hearing your side as well even if she knows she’s being unreasonable.
Run
See if you can hire a PI. Ask the lawyer for recommendations. That will give you the proof and peace of mind you require to make your decision.