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Your wife will think about “us” but not how you wish.
that's the daughter's mom, they've known each other their whole lives. This daughter is only just now living with him, and has only known him for just over a year.
Your husband and his colleague wanted to have sex and concocted this 4-some to get it done. That's it. They didn't think through the fact that their partners would be having sex too. When you two had sex, the realization hit them and now they are both pissed. If anything it sounds like the other husband is a better fit than your current one.
You did nothing wrong. It would have been better if your husband and his colleague would have just had sex and left everyone else out of it.
Yes, exactly this. I'm keeping information from you, he stole your agency when it came to deciding to become involved with him. He flat out told you that the reason was because you might make a different decision, right?
At issue here is NOT whether you can “get over it.” That is a red herring which tries to make it about the depth of YOUR character, when the focus really ought to be about HIS character.
Look, other difficult things will crop up in any relationship you have. You have to trust that your partner will be transparent and candid when he encounters nude things. Your guy has shown you RIGHT FROM THE START that he lacks this basic necessity for your relationship. Things will always be lacking from him. Just move on.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Life will get better, I promise.
Your boyfriend is so insecure I'm at a loss for words that could accurately describe it. And to accuse you of being a paedophile? That would be the end of the relationship if I were in your position.