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This proposing about another person wedding… it isn't about the disrespect to the bride of groom and stealing of the spotlight, people who do this are just lazy. They don't want to organize something themself. Get people together, party, ambiente… they are mooching of the already prepared wedding. Hoping that the romantic atmosphere will get them a “yes” and of course the pressure. To say “no” at a wedding. Who would do this? They would ruin the whole wedding. Whoever thinks this is romantic, must have hit their head.
He use the tiktok as an excuse. Don't fall for it. The tiktok was not the same and you know it.
And i don't know, if someone propose to me, do they have a smirk on their face? Loving smile, looking nervous, but a smirk? And his reaction afterwards. Like “how dare that you rejected him like this!” This is his only worry? You didn’t say yes, he caused a scene and all he cared is how it looked on public?! He knew what he did! He wanted attention for no money.
Quit being such an idiot. Buy her a ring and propose.
What advice are you asking? It’s pretty obvious that you should cut J out of your life or break up with your bf. You’ve already cheated once with that guy, to which no relationship developed, so clearly you’re only attracted to him for sex
As someone who has never even been in a relationship. I can assure you that I was thinking the exact same thing as you when reading this. That man is is a waking red flag. Tell your friend how you feel about all this and if she doesn't listen then that's her fault.
Okay, next guy. Date someone that is available. There's plenty of guys out there
That is correct. But not ask. Tell. TELL him you won't be having sex without appropriate safety measures.
There's a myriad of different retail or catering options and there's a huge market for office based temp work.
Frankly, you haven't looked hard enough or are lying if you think stripping is the only option.
It sounds like you’re well rid of this jealous, insecure and controlling boy
Dump her. She’s toxic
Thank you. I didn’t take him as a project at the start. It was 50/50. It was true love I still believe, but I do believe he got lost in his own mind & if became that way. I was indeed trying to fix and save him from his past. But that can’t be changed as you say. I don’t agree that any of my story is bs though, I know I must take and fix myself from here.
Sometimes people just lose feelings because their partner isn't really the one who they want to be with. Sometimes it has nothing to do with effort or trying harder. It can just be not what they were looking for or incompatible. I understand that you have feelings for this person, but in what happy relationship is there where only one person has feelings and the other doesn't. You can't change feelings. It is a natural thing and it goes away when you don't feel like this is the relationship you want. Your friends telling you to breakup because they trying to tell you what is best for you. Which would be to not pursue a one sided relationship. Only someone who doesn't care about you would want you to fall in a deep hole and ruin your mental health. At the end of the day, feelings are not something you can buy or force. You can only find someone who likes you back the same amount as you do. There is no such thing as liking someone one sidedly and changing them. Think about it. You are trying to convince someone how they should feel about you. What type of people do you think try to change how people feel?
You don’t have a friend problem you have a fiancée problem. What you call stubbornness is actually a learned coping mechanism or strategy for conflict, where she invalidate the other persons feelings (it wasn’t that bad or deal with it) so she doesn’t need to compromise what she wants. It’s a win lose strategy to conflict that often does work in her favor with people who have weak boundaries, conflict avoidance, or people pleasing tendencies. And it sounds like that at least used to be the case with you.
Can this behavior change, maybe, but she’d have to want to change it, and it sounds it’s pretty entrenched, so she’d probably need years of therapy and even then it might not change much. Think about it, when in conflict, each person’s feelings should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a partner that looks for win/win solutions, not one who repeatedly looks to win at your expense.
You don’t make that mistake three times
That’s exactly what I’m thinking, I can’t find any sources that indicate that. Especially updated after roe v Wade was overturned
Relationships take two people (sometimes 3 or more but thats a different sub) and if it seems one sided , than it time to learn that there are more than one soulmate out there for everyone.
This guy sucks. We hate him.
Can open up a huge box of frogs which could v easily end the marriage in a few months. Saying that, I also don’t think sexual monogamy is biological natural
You were acting as a monster, not as a parent.
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We’re definitely on the same page about that stuff. BC is a no because I have issues with mental health and I think BC could very easily plummet my mental health. The plan if we do have sex is to use a condom brand that’s very difficult to break, and a plan B immediately after sex. On the very slim chance I did get pregnant, it’d go for adoption or we’d keep. No abortion. We don’t agree with that. Yes, we both masturbate and we’ve done heavy letting. We’ve explored our bodies together as well. We’ve only ever done what we’re both comfortable with. Fingers and tampons have gone in easily for me. Things like dildos, never. But maybe a small pen or 2 before.
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Thank you. OP lost me when the cops called and talked about criminal harassment. I can’t imagine cops taking something like this that seriously.
Can the person who just responded message me none of the comments are showing
Its not the looks its the smell. You might buy a whole pack of comfy ones and switch them out regularly
If you were forced to get married and forced to get pregnant, you will be forced to have a threesome. I’m sorry you are a victim of your culture, but unless you can escape, you will never live! a life for yourself.
In every “abusive situation” post I read, the abused is asking how they can be a better partner instead of realizing that this is not a them thing, but an “abusive partner” thing. You've been a fine partner. Your partner is a POS, though.
I am a mother and I love my children. It's wrong to assume that a woman that doesn't want children are missing out. And when I was starting out (18 years ago) It was easier financially. The reasons not to have children has increased, mainly it's affording them.
I have a friend who has always said no kids, we will be 40 this year, she works in a daycare but she still doesn't want children of her own.
You guys are both wrong. I don't want to get into a game of who was more wrong. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic for handling conflict. I would recommend getting out, working on yourself, and getting into a new relationship when you are ready for it.
Sure, because all those private school parents worked their way up from poverty. You are the exception, not the rule. Do they teach humility and graciousness at that private school?
Around 6months. When will it be established??
Ur fucking nuts
I think it's important, that you really spell out for yourself why you want to end the relationship with her. Maybe write it down. Then prepare for the talk, don't break up impulsive. Consider she will get emotional again. Prepare for that, try to have a 'script' you can hold on, too.
If you struggle with setting boundaries a lot maybe seek therapy.
My doctor told me, “It took nine months to gain the weight, figure on nine months to lose it.”
If I were you I would have responded with, “No, most women do gain like that. Our bodies require it. But most men don’t gain weight like this (while grabbing his love handles) during their wife’s pregnancy,” because I’m just petty like that.
You distorted your whole body in order to have his child. He needs to remember that life isn’t always about him. He’s supposed to be an adult now. Not be shallow Hal. Realize that it takes time to get your body back. Tell him you’ll be your old self again in about six months, but if he has any hopes of being able to enjoy that body he’d better start being nice now. Because I wouldn’t stick around with someone who thinks he has a right to criticize you if you aren’t perfect. Fuck that—but don’t fuck him.
You should confide in whichever in-law you are closest with. I’m hoping his mother grabs him by the ear when she pulls him aside for a good talking to.
I’m really at a loss here and the way he’s interacted with me has me questioning our relationship
Agreed, there is a lot of dysfunction going on.
He has an ego. And unless he drops it, things will only be more disappointing.
You need to be able to communicate the things that upset you, or the things you want fine tuned in a reletionship.
His response to those interactions, stops your voice dead in its tracks.
You:
Hey, I appreciate you trying to solve my issue when I tell it to you, but I would rather have you listen to me and just support me that way. That is what I actually need from you.
Him:
I am insulted. If you don't like the way I do it, then I don't like it when you do xyz.
He challenges you in return, instead of understanding you. It deflects the attention and generates a confrontation.
Just because you stated something you wanted improved, doesn't mean he was in the wrong. You're just communicating on what you need. And that is what you are suppose to do in a reletionship, teach your partner on how to understand you better.
And if interactions are the only time he speaks up about his issues, it creates an eruption by adding fuel to the fire (which shouldn't have even been a fire in the first place).
I really hate this position of his:
him telling me I always paint him as the bad guy
You're not painting him as the bad guy, you're communicating what you want adjusted. He is interpreting it as an insult and a challenge.
And honestly, yes he should communicate that to you:
you should be on time and that he shouldn’t have to communicate that to me
I know in our reletionship, when we say we're going to be there around 5:00, we really mean 4:45-5:15. Not 5:00 on the dot, we're flexible on it. People have different perceptions of on time. And unless he communicates that, how the F are you suppose to know?… its like he is scrambling to find something to throw back in your face because he wants to challenge you, and that is what he settles on.
Yeah, I understand why you're second guessing your reletionship. I don't like your bf, sorry.
Porn, and books written by men who wouldn't know a clit from a sink hole in their momma's backyard.
It's not even about that man. But i feel like i could've done so much better as a partner, and i know you shouldnt have to plead for love to stay but if i can improve as a partner and keep a girl i love i have to try.
But you don’t love his sense of humour (and that’s ok), you just said it makes you uncomfortable.
Please don’t say this to him, he’ll be so confused. Be honest and say you don’t feel the two of you are compatible. It’s only two weeks in!
jeez, i hope you update us when you find out who it is. try checking with your phone company to see if there’s extra lines on your account and what kind of access you have to that info
Lol you’re actually mentally incapable. No self respect because I wouldn’t throw out a relationship over something so fucking stupid, ya I guess so.
Presumably you two were sleeping together through this time, shouldn’t this have come up during the safe sex talk? You know, like what are we using to prevent pregnancy, if one happens how do you feel about it? What are we doing to prevent STI spread, when were you last tested, do you have other partners?
As far as your feelings, you have three options: break up because you’re salty, be salty and stay together while harboring resentment or let it go. Know you don’t own her, she didn’t betray you, she was honest and didn’t break a commitment. You just don’t like the idea of someone else intimate with “your” woman.
Seems like an easy decision to make.
My partner has tried to commit suicide in the past (stopping them is still super traumatic for me – I can only imagine how it is for them) partially triggered by struggles in our relationship. I've come to accept that suicide is a symptom of an illness they have. I can help them with their illness, but it is their illness and it isn't my responsibility to be on suicide watch or something like that. It may sound harsh, but I think it can be compared to treatment for other chronic illnesses (think a daily pill for a heart thing), I can be a part of the care system but ultimately care responsibility lies with them. When you were a part of their life, you had a limited role in their care, but the responsibility was really theirs first. For me, I have come to accept that self harm is a symptom of my partners illness. I struggle with it, especially when the self harm happens, but I've largely off-loaded the mental burden of responsibility, and that has helped me. Now that you are not in an close relationship with them, you are completely no longer responsible for their care. You don't have to remind them to eat right and you don't have to remind them to call a therapist or take their anti-depressant. I don't know if this helps, but at the very least, I want you to know that you aren't alone. Good luck!
Stop apologizing to the man-child. He does nor understand nor will he ever. I cant say break up with him, ill just say he doesn't deserve your time, attention, or affection. You need to take care of you. Thank you for all that you do on a daily basis, but I need for you to be of sound mind and body every day you work.
I would absolutely recommend staying away from dating until you heal. You need to find your own strength of voice and learn how to lay down boundaries with people. You have a child now and she will emulate the examples you show her; if you want a better life and future relationships for her, then you need to show it in action by setting these things by example yourself. Show your child how to live! with confidence in her own self and make her feel like she can command her own future in life.
I know it sucks that things didn't work out with the dad, but he was never a good guy to begin with. Focus on developing a civil relationship with him that is based on child visitation and keep contact between you and him formal and in email writing so that if he does ever abandon you both, then years down the line when your daughter is old enough to have conversations about these things you can show her the proof that you tried your best and things weren't your fault.
Don't ever trade visitations for sex, or mix sex in this relationship ever again. Also get yourself tested for STD's as you can't trust this guys dick and where its been.
No.
He’s too old and he knows it. You mentioning it just reminds him
What you should think now is “ I should have never broken his trust and snooped”
Call your insurance your wife should qualify for a home health nurse, but first ask for a care manager. That care manager will help you figure out how to best support your wife to better health and maybe able to get you a home health nurse. She also needs to start the disability process to get benefits, that will open up more things to help too.
Would a wheelchair enable her to do some more around the house? If so get started on that with insurance too. Do you have a bedside commode? You need to get her the tools to help her become more mobile. A care manager should be able to help with all of that. If your insurance doesn’t have one the main clinic you go to should.
I so strongly hope that the judge sees how insane this whole thing is and that you lose the case .
Your son and his family will hopefully go no contact and heal from you .
Working on it. Thank you
Put marriage and a new house on hold until you get this sorted. MIL needs therapy and so might your fiancée. And don't let MIL move in.
If a girl jump and wrapped her legs around me my girl would either cut off my dick or slowly poison me. (Oh if I’m ever found poisoned, with my dick cut off, it was her)