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How are you going to “carry something with you” whilst stripping? ?
Yep. Not easy for me having been raised with a “good boy” attitude and trying to please others
Well, I can tell you that my feelings have changed dramatically since the time I was a little girl raised in a very red, intolerant region. The person I was even just few years ago is not someone my beloved partner would have tolerated, and for good reason. He is aware of my history and is proud of me for growing out of it.
I do believe people can change for the better. I also fully understand why you'd struggle to see him the same way. I hope in all of this you can find a way to see him as a flawed, nuanced human who has done some serious internal work to get from where he was to where he is now. I hope that's really who he is, too.
What I should do
Give him space in this way only: never mention anything like that to your bf again, because he can't handle it.
She may or may not have to give you the money example: She can take out insurance on your body but list herself as the beneficiary. This is completely legal especially if she is paying the fees as it is even more so.
If you took out the insurance and you were supposed to be the beneficiary then it is insurance fraud. You could just reach out to the insurance and tell them that you never signed the check. You never receive the check and that they deposited it into the wrong account. You don't even really have to talk to her about it. They will put a stop payment on the check and attempt to recuperate the funds. They might take some legal action depending on how they feel, and eventually you would get a check issued to you.
If you guys are both listed as a beneficiary things can get sticky depending on how you are listed as beneficiaries. You guys can be both equal beneficiaries and at that point you would have to take a claim against her. If you guys are listed as 50/50 beneficiaries then she owes you half.
I will say if she's been paying the fees the entire time out of her own money, it makes sense for her to at least keep the portion of the fees she's paid into this so far IMO
Add me on snap to talk about it: mbauer_22
Him making rape jokes is incredibly disrespectful. My girlfriends father committed suicide and I couldn't imagine making suicide jokes in front of her. I use to make jokes saying ” I'd rather kill myself then do that” or something similar. But ever since that incident, I would never say something so unbelievably disrespectful in front of her. That in itself is horrible and a major red flag. You really should consider dropping someone so disrespectful. Fuck him
Never make it a big deal. If you’re going to say hello, just say “Hi, great to see you.” Leave it at that. No explanation or conversation necessary.
Watching it for entertainment purposes without arousal sounds more like porn addiction, sorry,
My bf is like that!! Im a bit of a germaphobe so it was love at first hand wash
Leave. Leave. Leave. Be direct and fully honest please. I’m having flashbacks to my own situation reading this. I’m only 21 and tried to suck it up in a relation like this for years. I only lost myself completely, became her scapegoat and got blamed because it was easier for her to do so then any problems or family members that caused her hardships. I urge you to get out. You will get sucked into a vortex and you cannot imagine the hurt I am feeling not that we are broken up for 2 weeks. I implore you to trust me and not make the same mistakes I did and wind up where I am right now. You can do everything in your power to help her and be the one to make things okay but there are some things you, by yourself cannot change.
Girl. You need to help yourself.
Your title is misleading. I was expecting some illegal personal boundary crossed. Your therapist is trying their best to support you, but you aren't receiving their advice. Of course it makes sense for them to sever this relationship. Therapists and clients are each allowed to do what's best for them.
Unfortunately, you aren't doing what's best for you. In the comments, you constantly talk badly about yourself. Your trauma and pain and experiences are valid. “Could it be worse?” Maybe, but who cares–it's terrible for you right now, and that's all that matters.
Please do something to change your life. You deserve it.
Wasn’t in the post, so comment based on the info provided ?♀️
She’s already been fucked, move on.
Yes. He was the last holdout, but he gave in and that’s all of them now
It's not homophobic to be straight. You aren't into girls that doesn't make you homophobic. Your friends are idiots get new friends.
It IS a health appointment for herself. Her comfort is the most important thing here. There are so many other times throughout the pregnancy, when the baby is born, and throughout your relationship in general, that it will be just the two of you.
It sounds transactional. I agree. Though he replied differently to another comment of mine. We’d have to hear from her ?♀️
I probably sound so pathetic saying it.
I’ve seen his Facebook.. and he’s incredibly attractive there’s no way he’d go for it
Yep, it’s tricky. I’d probably just tell her that you’re worried she’s getting sucked into more radical circles on-line, and would like it if she did more in person activities.
Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a moist maker ?
I wouldn't call breath play one step up from vanilla. And he was tough on purpose. He's shown you who he is. Believe him.
Yes, you did something wrong. You brought up a divisive subject on a first date.
I understand your perspective.
Jessica likely felt that you didn't understand Ryan and therefore could not be supportive of her relationship. People can act funny when their friends don't react the way they want them to.
I really think that she doesn't want to overtly cause a problem, yet doesn't want to be as close as you once were. I'm sorry that happened. I'm also sorry you went through what seems like a exhausting divorce.
If she wasn't supportive of what you were going through (regardless of Ryan's own situation), then maybe it wouldn't be such a terrible thing to let this friendship continue to die out.
Either way, if she isn't willing to communicate, there isn't much you can do. In my opinion, if someone cares about you, they should want to discuss relevant issues about your friendship, even if it's difficult.
You can try to talk to her once, and if she doesn't make an effort to save your friendship, then you know it's over. I'm sorry because I know how much it hurts.
I might be late but I just read through your posts in your profile. I think you should second guess staying with him. He knows you have an abandonment problem and he’s playing with your emotions. He’s not a reassuring partner. He will not stop doing this, he did it many times before and just won’t stop.
I don’t know if you’re in therapy for your trauma but he’s really not the man to be on your side to make you feel good.
Yes you love him but if nothing changes on his part you will be dealing with anxiety and more if you marry him.
Jesus, why is this even a question? Yes of course you should end it. You're not really even in it.
Get your financial shit together, get your paperwork in order, get a new living arrangement set up. Sit her down and for once in your life be honest with her. Write it down in advance so you don't backslide and promise some shit that will be a lie.
Yes, she'll be initially devastated. This is going to feel awful for you seeing that, but 1) it's not about you, and 2) it will feel worse for her. Letting her go is the kindest thing you can do for her instead of locking her into a relationship with someone who is immature, dishonest and untrustworthy. Imagine she finds this out 5 years and 2 kids from now.
The couples therapy has been a farce as you haven't been honest. Don't waste any more of her time.
Just looked at his age don't walk run
to me this is the end of our marriage
To the majority of people here, it is the end of your marriage. Find a divorce lawyer. I assume you can figure out the proceedings from there?
They are both adults. Especially him at 35yo. But she's no inexperienced child either.
There are no victims here – just two selfish, entitled, irresponsible individuals that chose to skate on thin ice and fell in.
It is possible that he is just this busy. I would consider how he departed this morning before jumping to ghosting. I text saying you had fun and that you hope he enjoys his family time and excited to see him again would be enough to learn his intentions.
Eh, its very common to get nasty after effects or even ‘long covid’, even if youre totally healthy before hand and had a mild case. Stuff like that can be a roulette, so i get his anxiety- but.
The fact that he was sick first, and is now doing this other side of the bed thing… you guys should just isolate from each other as best you can until you start testing negative, and make sure hes testing too in case he catches it. Wiping down surfaces and stuff is great, but if youre still interacting/sleeping together/ etc hes not actually reducing the risk, hes just making you feel bad. Different bedrooms (or someone sleeps on the couch) until youre better is a more reasonable solution. He could also be concerned about having to take time off work and stuff.
Y’all put up with anything
There is something very wrong with your girlfriend. She is fixated on a single moment in time from 2 years ago when you weren’t even dating! I agree with the comment that she’s potentially looking for an excuse to cheat. She also may have some psychological problems of her own related to jealousy. My most important message for you is you have done nothing wrong! If you want this relationship to continue, tell her you’re deeply troubled by this desire for revenge and if she continues to entertain it the relationship is not viable. This is a serious red flag she’s waving.
The woman who birthed me covered for her husband who assaulted all three of my siblings when they were all under 13 yo.
So I'm not surprised
She'll still be who she is now. I've seen some really pretty ones, like my daughter has a lotus flower on each shoulder. And FYI, women is plural. So she's a woman. Just letting you know, not being snarky or mean.
You deserve better.
Babies are always cute. Always!
Your husband was looking for an excuse to cheat and using that excuse to blame you.
I'm glad to hear that you have finally come into your senses. Never let anyone treat you like a doormat. If you are marrying someone, make sure that both of you share common values & beliefs, common life goals etc, otherwise the relationship is not going to last. All the best to you OP and stay strong.
They do like comedy and stuff mixed in with their music, idk the way he explained it away really convinced me. Part of his defense was it was funny -because- they look like they don't belong together. Idk. I see the way she looks at him. I think she has feelings for him she won't address too.
>I ended up saying that I was sorry if he or anyone felt offended
You already did apologize.
It sounds like he wants you to grovel now.
You haven't really put his feelings first here though, have you? You've put your own feelings first.
He just saw it as meeting up with a friend, because that's what it is. It's not intimate, it's trivial.
If you can't handle that then I don't think you're ready for a relationship
He was so obviously complimenting you this just sounds like a humble brag
Kids deserve to have two parents who enthusiastically want them. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you’re right to stand firm here.
any good scientist knows that no matter what our personal insights and views are subjective. objectivity is achieved through statistics verified by re-testing hypotheses.
Bruh, you bag of broads are nuts. Leave my mans alone. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you gals because you come off as crazy and unaware. Your post sure makes that seem the case.
You gotta leave him, he is way too insecure and controlling.
Although you make is sound like an odd reason to break up – it is not. You are not the priority in this threesome, and your gf tends to treat you childishly. You also are perfectly entitled to want to on-line solely with a partner and any children that might arise. Not friends, uncles, aunts, assorted relatives or strangers that your partner believes should on-line with you. That's a major lifestyle disparity – you aren't on the same page. That's a huge and very valid reason to end the relationship. Move on to something less complicated, and where you and your partner are equally invested in your relationship.
Her reaction about this is valid, because I don't think this was about getting an apartment. If she was a responsible adult, she would have warned you before getting an apartment that she felt this way. Do you get the feeling this was planned, or that this was spur of the moment? If it was spur of the moment then she is manipulating to test a boundary. Depending on how you lens it, It is either to see if she can manipulate you, or it is to see if you will respect her boundaries. It is a terrible way to do it, and I don't blame you if you want to bail for this. I think you need more information, and as others have said, you may need to speak with a lawyer ASAP to understand the risk you take by not rejecting the apartment as soon as possible compared to waiting 30 days. My gut says in 30 days she will already be sleeping with you again. This is a stupid shit test, and personally I would rather make the decision in 30 days after proof it was a test cuz for now she's just going to lie as part of the test. If she sticks to the church and no sex thing for 30 days then she really means it and then you can take it or leave it. There's literally one path where you might stay in the relationship, but if you think she's worth it then stay and hope for the best in 30 days.
Past Relationships are a part of his life… asking him to pretend like it never happened is not a healthy thing to do.
Either you trust him or you don’t… so what if some random chick sees a 3 year old post and makes an assumption? It doesn’t make him and you any less together.
Getting jealous this easily is an issue though.
Well to be honest we’ve always talked about ring shopping together, but I’m worried that he may have changed his mind by this point and would rather be proposed to with one. I know that’s probably not the case but this is something to serious and important and it’s nerve wracking to say the least. I know nothing would change except the title will switch from boyfriends to fiancés.
You're 19 and he's 31 love. What else could he be dating you for? You likely have little to nothing in common. He's lived an entire life while yours is more or less just starting. Listen to your gut.
Well I do know what video he is talking about cause he told me which one. I know when the video was taken so I jumped to that area in time and I scrolled multiple times.
Yes it is and he is very nice. I meant to say he didn't have to do it. You dont either. But why not celebrate together?
as someone who has had similar traits and such as you just described, sounds like she’s got some form of ptsd or trauma and emotional deregulation. she definitely needs therapy and psychiatry help.
if you are literally scared for your safety, then no matter what she’s diagnosed with or how soon she will get help, you should protect yourself and leave – however possible. therapy and psychiatry doesn’t magically work in one session. it’ll take her time. who knows what could happen until it’ll start to change her behaviors and thinking.
please go keep yourself safe.
How many more red flags do you need?
If she was doing all these things, but with a different person in the scenario each time, it wouldn't be a big deal. BUT it is the same friend over and over and over again. That is where the problem is.
Their actions are speaking louder than words. You have a problem on your hands. You need to have a talk with her.
You telling them to stop isn't defending her. The fact that you know they're just going to keep insulting her proves as much. Telling them to “shut up and stop talking” isn't enough. You need to tell them that it's unacceptable to trash talk your partner. Why isn't this a problem for you?
The excuse is pathetic. She's not being unreasonable. You are.
Yeah I am sure they slept together. How to approach it? Walk away from it and find someone who is faithful and that respects your relationship.
Being autistic is not an excuse to be an abusive arsehole.
You need to end this relationship. Block him, and do it on everything: all social media, text, email, everything you can think of, and every means he has to reach you.
If he finds other ways to contact you, block that source immediately and do not, under any circumstances, respond. Just keep blocking and do not give in to the temptation to talk to him or try to explain or listen to his bullshit or anything else. Block, rinse, repeat.
The sooner this 'love language' garbage leave the lexicon, the better. Do you honestly think taking a Cosmo quiz to find out what is missing in your relationship is the healthiest way to improve any realationship?
Get yourselves into couples counseling.
You're right. Whats fucked up is I went back to our texts on the date from her screenshots of him saying they should try again, and it was the exact same day he told me that instead of us both going to visit his son, he was going to go alone. It ended up falling through for that visit but still, I cant help but wonder if he had gone, would he have ever came back…
Like 100 to 1.
I forget about past lovers I slept with also. It’s just that some people were really bad that I wanted to forget about them, or they simply weren’t memorable.
She’s been with you for six months meaning you are one of her big loves and very very memorable. Don’t let a silly thing like this ruin your future together. Actively try and see past it.
I know. That’s the way I felt too, but I can’t just disregard his feelings. He reacted wrongly, but I’m not gonna give this up so easy. This so far is the only thing we have issues with and I believe that with time he will calm down and hopefully even find ways to manage his anger, but for now I just want advice on what we can do to help him.
It can, depending on how nude you are willing to advocate for yourself. Most businesses would fire an employee for this; especially if the victim used words like “hostile work environment” and “seeking lawyer advice because of the severity of the situation”.
I get it you're a proud Nazi congratulations now kill yourself
It’s just really hurtful because I do so much for her to be a good friend and just when I think things are getting better, bam she hits me with this again. She’s always been on the dramatic side of things but I just don’t understand it.