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So you can now get ahead of this instead of being blindsided.
I don't know what situation he was planning to leave you in regards the house but you now have the ability to make his life more interesting than he was planning on it being, whatever that looks like. It could be negotiating a better house sale split as a first pass.
This is now a financial situation so a lawyer is you first call alongside one confidential supporter if you have one.
Whatever you are going to have to do, plan for something to do for yourself as well, something to look forward to so that it isn't all crappy stuff to have to do.
You did nothing to deserve being treated this poorly, keep that in mind. You can be numb and then focus on what you need to do to protect yourself.
With those plans make plans to do something without him for christmas, return any presents you bought etc. But don't say anything just yet until your ducks are in a row.
You may not want to tell him you know his plans at all and dump him first, it is entirely up to you how you make this work for you.
You are going to be okay.
What happens when his cousin abuses your future kids? Your partner is obviously cool with it. When people show you who they really are, believe them.
yea on his face and arms, I do have family though i don’t want to feel judged Idk
Therapy. Most times talking to a professional is a good idea. Insecurities are almost impossible to deal with on your own.
Luckily, I have plenty. Just sucks that it was one so close
Again you're talking about you not OP.
You're making a classic mistake of thinking the expression “put yourself in their shoes” means thinking “what would I do in this situation” vs it really means try to understand why they might have reacted as they did. Having been cheated on 6 times by your husband, I'd have thought you might understand what insecurities can do to people, obviously you don't, which after what you experienced is very sad.
Not okay. My ex was garbage, did the same stupid crap I only took it for a few months then left. If he's refusing to change then there's nothing left for you to do but run. Get as far away as you can as fast as you can. You are a queen and deserve to be treated as such. Don't settle. There's 1000s of good men out there that would love to treat you right. You just gotta wait for him to find you.
Please keep downvoting me. The number of people who don't understand the absolute fundamentals of genetics is good for a laugh if nothing else.
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So what are you going to do? Wait until your ignored son develops severe mental health problems because he realises his asshole father doesn't love him? Or when your other son turns into an entitled little shit because he figures out that he is his fathers favourite and can use it against his brother?
Your husband is abusing your son, you need to protect both your children from your husband's blatant favouritism. This will affect both of them for the rest of their lives unless you do something now. You sitting back and letting this happen is just as bad as what your husband is doing
I was asking because she had told me she’s had sex at a club before, so that kind of made me distrust that activity
Wow thanks for sharing Didn’t know that was a word of thing lol Damn this generation is messed up
Get a lil fishbone tattooed in their ear lol. It’d be so frickin cute
do you on-line with him? here is what you do: wait until he leaves for work and pack your stuff and stay somewhere else
Agreed. It shouldn't all be on me.
Your fiancé is a rapist and his penis probably has fecal matter on it – that’s why you’re getting UTIs.
You can tell him that.
Well… these kids are attached to you as mommy cause they know their mom sucks. You should know that. Your bf should be taking care of his kids more than financially and since mommy dearest doesn’t actually parent, he should be taking her to court for the kids sake. You should just make a clean break since you don’t want to be part of their lives and fill the mom gap that they need. If you aren’t ready to care for kids that would be step kids, just break it off with your bf and reevaluate your life. Maybe stay away from single fathers in the future.
It's amazing how the subtle attackers never change, I've responded to several posts. You're making something up to downplay the situation which continues the problem of people not realizing how serious it is.
I'm not ignoring anything, if you can't help and want to condescend and belittle instead while lying. Then leave.
It’s over. You broke him.
Fortunately it’s pretty easy to make everyone dislike him when I tell them the truth ? my friends are all super on my side right now ?
It honestly sucks that this sub is flooded with fake situations, and even when my situation is real I won't get legit advice because people assume it's a troll post^
It's easy to be smart and call someone dumb on-line after reading a few paragraphs about their otherwise very much more complex situations and relationships spanning years, but in order to even get responses on this sub I need to shorten my story to the best of my abilities.
I did lie about my age, I was a stupid kid that lied about my age on-line because I wanted adult attention. I am happy to go more in depth if it helps people understand and give better advice
Wear the condom. If you don’t want to then do t have sex. If it’s too tight try a larger size.
i don't know any upper management that would protect somebody that blatantly shared nudes of a co-worker. That lawsuit would crush the company, and if it's publicly traded then they'd have to answer to shareholders.
You are incompatible. Pretty obvious.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
He still lives at home and doesn’t have a car yet, I understand this. However I feel like he benefits more from this relationship than I do, I do his hair, cook for him, he’s always at my apartment I really take care of him. And at most we’ll probably go out on a date ? feel like he’s benefiting more. Forgot to mention he has a great job, 2 intact.
Seems you are downplaying your weight gain and lifestyle choices which might be causing the disconnect.
It’s difficult for anyone to tell a loved one or close friend in an honest fashion that they are living an unhealthy lifestyle and have grown to an unhealthy weight. It’s difficult because of the reaction.
5’6 at 180 is an unhealthy weight. Not much way around it but speak plainly. You prodded her to tell you how she felt and you can tell she didn’t want to by her reaction of crying, but it’s the honest truth.
So either you stay angry at her or accept what she said is the truth and change for the better. You don’t need to be a marathon runner again, but show her you’re making changes for a healthier lifestyle and over time she will see the results.
This isn’t about being an alpha male buff guy, just being healthy so you have a wonderful future together.
When my wife and I got married I was 5’11 and 170lbs and fit. When my daughter was born 4 years later I was 235lbs. I could see it in the pictures but I denied it to myself. It wasn’t until I realized I needed to change and was told by someone close to me that it really sent a shock to me.
I obviously am much older than I was when I was 5’11 170lb (10 years older!) and I’ll prob not be able to get back to 170lb with all the responsibilities of life, but I made an earnest effort to exercise and eat cleanly and have gotten into much better shape. Sometimes it yoyos but knowing you can get healthy again will drive you to make sure you stay healthy when veering aside.
I knew him for a few years because our moms worked together i didn’t kno him well would see him at family functions he was quiet and to himself and there was just something about that that made me FEEL like i liked him. Idk he was different then guys i dated in the past that were just loud and confrontational and i thought his laid back vibes he gave off were cute . The first 6 months of dating was fun and as dumb as it sounds when he wasn’t opening up to me in a deep way i just kept thinking it was because he’s a shy guy and he needs time to get comfortable and open up to me I KNO it sounds dumb. But that’s just how my fkd brain processed it . i just don’t have an answer i just kept believing it would get better especially when i would have a serious conversation about it and he would cry and say I’m so sorry idk why I’m like this i don’t wanna lose you I’ll get help ..so i would wait and wait and then nothing changed and we just go round in circles with that . Obviously I’m an idiot I’ve wasted his and my time .
He says it is because of how he was raised and his life experience,
What life experience, he’s still a teenager.
and that he can’t help but be rude and say mean things because it’s who he is as a person
He can absolutely help being rude & mean, he’s choosing not to. He’s pretending it’s an unalterable personality trait so he can get away with it.
and he feels as though I can’t accept this “part of him”.
You shouldn’t. He’s manipulating you to make you feel bad/disloyal/unsupportive for not accepting his abusive behavior.
He’s told you who he wants to be. Unless you want to be with a rude, mean asshole that your friends loathe, you should exit this relationship.
For that kind of money you could move into an apartment of your own. I suggest you do so.
You can't split this 50/50. It's unreasonable he even asked. He'd have expendible money and you never would. It's only fair if you two had similar incomes which you don't. Do not commit to buying a house with him.
You seem to already understand this isn’t a sustainable dynamic. That’s great. So tackle it head on man.
If this blows up your relationship, frankly it was never going to work out.
But you might be surprised that it’s not as big a deal as you’re imagining.
You’re obviously not agreeing with her point entirely. You’re picking at something that is “tiny” to you but large to her and then demanding that she does the emotional labour to explain it to you, then you get this way when she doesn’t oblige that demand.
You’re not “just asking a question”, you’re using your position of power as a beneficiary of the Patriarchy to impose micro-aggressions on your girlfriend about the oppression she experiences every moment of her existence on this planet.
And then bringing it to reddit as if you’re the one who is naked done by here.
It’s pretty shitty behaviour my friend.
If you genuinely want to know more about these issues there are many, many, Feminist creators who explain them for a living. You can access their content for free from libraries, YouTube, etc. , and stop demanding that your girlfriend provide you with a Feminism that is palatable to you.
OP I'm a wife your age and my husband is legit ur wife's age. We are essentially you but opposite lol
My husband is a social butterfly and we are currently expecting our first child. He goes out alot more than i do and like you he always encourages or invites me out
(…if it was to D&D game id go)
But it's usually some bar or musical event which is the scene his friends are into. I would rather die. Im a introvert but i also respect that my husband is a grown ass man that needs space outside of being at home and just seeing me all the time. So I've learnt to either make plans with friends or get involved with events at church or go visit family and annoy them. But mainly i just stay at home. My husband is very into football season rn he's a major fan and he goes out for games alot and I've gotten into reading, i read alot, i watch trashy kdramas i cant when he's here, i play video games and i generally enjoy my peace!
You need to sit her down and have an honest conversation with how this makes u feel. If ur resorting to posting on here ur patience is shot to hell already. It is not your responsibility to coddle her. She's an adult. You dont need to find her a hobby she needs to find that herself. You help more than most husbands do! She is very codependent on you and that can weigh a marriage down very fast and unfortunately you might have to be alil too honest and tell her she's doing that and being unreasonable by trying to disallow you the one thing you actually enjoy.
If she honestly cannot understand that you guys have bigger problems. No one wants their spouse to be unhappy but that goes both ways. She needs to put a foot forward for herself too.
It's healthy for married couples to have their own space apart. Its suffocating when you feel like you can't breathe and it's gonna end up making u feel resentment for being treated much like one of your children that need permission.
Yeah I get what you mean, asking him to come over just to be broken up with is stupid. I hope it just doesn't end up messy. Thanks for the advice!
Get out of here with that misogyny. She’s made it clear she’s doing the thing a hell of a lot of women do, which is try to be as polite as possible so as not to blow up her social life/friend group, and because women are often concerned that blocking someone who won’t take no for an answer, but who you will still run into in person, will lead to violence.
I agree. Find some better people to chat with. Not everyone is nice
According to op grandma has had custody for most of his life.
Plus in other comments op has said they’ve fostered many other kids, maybe all of those are under 3s, but they’re not taking kids into the foster system because they have never lived with parents having substance abuse problems
DO NOT agree to anything, even verbally. If she wants to throw it all away and leave that's on her. You are a family of 6 and she is choosing to move. The other 5 people in your household have a life and routine where they are. You want 50/50 custody and that means the kids stay where you are and she can't move them without your permission. NON-NEGOTIABLE. Take ALL the child and spousal support that you are entitled to. Read this as many times as you need until you believe it and listen to your lawyer. Your kids need you in their life and that means you're all living in the same school district as a minimum.
I think you'd be better off trying to deal with your jealousy than letting it push everyone around you away everytime you think people are having it better than you.
Why do you even want to marry him? It's obvious you don't trust him and think he is abusive / a cheater.
lmao, no, because i see other victims of abuse get downvoted and ridiculed on this sub when most the people ridiculing have never been through this shit
Oh my. You are absolutely right. You are too young to become a caregiver for your girlfriend. I understand not wanting to hurt her. Wouldn’t it be worse if you waited a year? More painful? I think you break up now. This isn’t sustainable. You aren’t a terrible person. I think you have to break up now. It’s going to be painful for her but waiting a year would be dishonest and more painful. I’m so sorry this is happening to both of you.
I almost added that as an edit after I checked my post.
Good call!
Ditto
3 years is a lot and I mean a lot of lying.
She lied to your face for 3 years and as you said had another relationship.
She has a nerve to ask for reconciliation. What an absolutely disgusting and selfish person.
I am so sorry. I know it’s naked and if you do decide to reconcile it will take years and years .
I think its messed up saying those things in front of your partner
She is eewwwww.
This relationship is a one way which ends in a dead end.
I'll just wait a few weeks and see what happens, and how do I feel. Thanks!
Just ask her outright if she wants to on-line together
You might want to go with a soft approach for now. Next date, when picking the time together, tell her you are going to let her pick the time, so you know she has it right, or something.
Keep it light and make a little inside joke of it.
Don't go from “it's all good” to “we need to talk”. Give her a chance to get the hint in a non threatening way.