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Tell your SIL. Your brother is a fucking snake.
Go to the wedding without him.
Part of being sincerely sorry and owning what you have done is accepting the consequence of that. He ruined your relationship in a way that required the people around you to get involved- as they should- and that means that he impacted the lives of others, and people have strong, valid feelings about him.
This is your best friend's day, so she should only have people she loves around her. Your husband isn't it. Your husband isn't welcome because of his own actions, and he should appreciate that HE shouldn't be making you choose between your friend and him. If he is truly working on being a decent partner, he should say “I understand why your friend thinks poorly of me, and I don't want you to lose a friendship because of my actions. Go and have a good time, and as we heal, I hope I will be able to show your friend that I have changed as well.”
That's the only valid answer, if he truly is remorseful and wants to build a new foundation. You can't burn down a home and then wonder why the people who live! next door to it don't want you around.
A lot to unpack here.
In the spirit if fairness towards those that responded to you yesterday, you dedicated 97% of your post to lambasting your mother and father for being poly and not catering to your demands that they cease being poly immediately or you are through with them. 3% of your post was spent on mentioning neglect, AND it was an afterthought you edited in after seeing that some of the diverse advice was not what you wanted or hoped for. Then you took liberties to take your ball elsewhere to carrying on, but this time, adding more of the neglect factor in, while subtly manipulating that crowd into perceiving people in this sub as awful. That was not very nice of you. Just getting this out of the way.
This new post is better as it reflects more of what was going on with you, and less on harping on the parents being poly, and not abiding by your no poly rule you made for them. Yesterdays post made you look more like some one who was so hateful about the poly that is was all based entirely on that as the reasons for what you did. Today you indulge more on how you feel that the poly style may have been responsible for the negligence. As I said yesterday, negligence is rampant in the stepford style households too. Other poly couples do not neglect their children. I have no doubts, your parents still would have been neglectful.
I find your parents neglect and how they went about things to be extremely reckless and irresponsible. No matter what your life style is or even sex life, these are never excuses to neglect your children or potentially embarrass them. Ex: It was foolish of your mom to parade her other man around the mall and play ass grab where you, any of your friends, your teachers, coaches, friends parents, etc could see. Just like it would be foolish if they were mono but a dom/sub couple to show up at the mall with mom wearing a collar and being led around on a leash by dad. This STILL does not mean you had a right to demand they fill you in on their sex life, or that you were entitled to know all the gory details. Likewise, your fiancés parents are not entitled to knowing all the sexual details about you and her. I do think your parents should have taken more time talking to you, especially after mom was reckless enough to go to the mall and get caught.
Since you are obviously still very very hurt by all this, I am not sure it would be a good idea to have them at your wedding if it’s any time soon. I think you are right on the money about therapy idea. Check with some community centers in your area for listings of therapists with sliding scale fees and such. I have another suggestion that has helped me with situations about people I harbor a lot of anger towards. Keep a blank journal and write your parents letters in it. You do not send them these letters, you just write it all out, whatever angry thoughts hurt and feelings. Do it each time you are really struggling with the thought of them.
I really do wish you peace and the ability to fully heal from all this.
PS your other post was not really removed. It was preserved in the mod announcement that your thread reached the karma limit. Mods here lock up posts that reach a certain limit.
Don't be an idiot. It's not an excuse for cheating, that's not what it does, but there are several disorders where people experience it frequently. I'm not talking DID, I mean they persistently experience literally what you posted, sometimes daily if they're not doing well. The people who experience once do so during or following a traumatic event. The people who experience it often generally have a strong trauma history.
Again, she's lying, but you have no idea what you're talking about