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I think a clarifying conversation would be helpful. I like to address concerns or uncertainty with curiosity.
Try something like, “hey I wanted to revisit our conversation we had the other day. It’s important to me as a NB person that I know my partner supports me in my gender, and my community at large as part of the queer community. Help me understand, we’re you serious when you said you support Trump?”
Try to keep it flat, not “we’re you serious when you …” let him voice his side of things.
After the reply voice your truth. If he does, and it’s a deal breaker, I’m so sorry op, i want to support you in being firm in your stance. Not that people can’t change, but as an NB queer myself, I wouldn’t feel safe around someone who supports removing my rights and didn’t support my rights to start.
If anything needs clarifying, please ask.
Or maybe instead of continuing to try to force your foot into a shoe that doesn't fit you'll just go find something/someone more appropriate to where your political opinions are in this moment. You can't change people so talking is pointless. You and this person are incompatible.
Honestly, it sounds like you both need to see counselors, individually as well as a relationship counsellor, if you want to save it…
Let’s set aside the question of whether there is actually anything going on between them—it’s sketch, but who knows—and just focus on the fact that rather than hear your concerns he’s instead yelling at you in stores. Absolutely it’s gaslighting and he’s showing you exactly how much he cares about your feelings and giving you the playbook for how he’ll handle every major, valid issue you bring up in your relationship.
I don’t think you need to dive too far into the “why is he like this” rabbit hole, but rest assured there are people out there who use tactics like this—gaslighting, anger, disparagement, flirting or closeness with others—in order to create distance and avoid intimacy, even as their crave it intensely. They might not fully realize what they’re doing, but it’s a maladaptive coping mechanism and can be really hurtful for those trying to be close to them. In my experience, these folks rarely reach a point where they start to realize these pattens and face the underlying traumas that created them. If they do, it takes years and lots of therapy. Which is all to say that it’s not about you, you shouldn’t take it personally, but also—and this is important—you can’t fix him.
You’re in for years of pain if you try to stick this out. There will be highs of closeness followed by him doing something to create distance and keep you chasing. That’s what makes him feel secure, but at your expense. Over time that rollercoaster takes a toll and you actually get addicted to the highs. It’s a dark place to find yourself. Trust your instincts now, the ones telling you that you deserve to be treated better, and get out of this relationship. And don’t break up and get back together. Break up and cut off contact. Really.
I agree that she should go to the father, but I think she should’ve gone to the father immediately. I have no idea why she went to her grandmother, first, and why the grandmother isn’t in contact with the father and setting this all up with him. The grandmother is making it seem as if the father isn’t even an option.
Sometimes I wish I could wear a jacket. Air conditioning is cold, y’all.
Did her mother see any difference in her behaviour?
He’s over 30, and when banging a student resulted in consequences, he noped.
He. Is. Over. 30.
A normal life event happened, and he completely bailed on everything relating to it.
Life has lots of life events.
I bet he has been treating you REALLY good too. Keeps your from running away from the grown man with his fingers in his ears humming when faced with a life event.
Neither is OP. She wont marry him because she wants his financials to be fixed first.
Why would it be awkward…
Yall act like there is shame in deciding something someone wanted to throw away still had life left in it. It's not awkward or shameful at all to give life to stuff from the trash that is still fine.
If they comment on it, you say “yeah I saw you throwing it out, I always liked it and wanted to see if I could clean it up. I did, it is in pretty good shape still.”
Someone who is only interested if you're there all the time isn't a good choice for a long term partner.
What do you mean “get things equitable?”
No. She just one day said, basically “I like you a lot, but I don’t want to date anyone.”