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You need a hobby or to focus on you education more instead of micromanaging what your gf does every minute of the day.
I agree and like I said I think some questions were good. I’ve definitely learned a lesson here and how I would never take her for granted again and how wrong I was in ending things. I didn’t realize how good I had it. And if she thinks the best thing to do is never see me again, I will respect her wishes.
Honestly, put the breaks on a little. Moving in with him, saying I love you (which… if you said it first maybe he’s feeling pressured to say it so early?), worrying about him not yet seeing a future, etc.
It sounds like you’re expecting a lot way too fast and might be pushing him away with how seriously you are taking it so soon. I would not move in with him yet!
She waited until she had you trapped. Make her a single mom and call it a day
He’s going to deny deny and deny.
You can pull articles about self centered people, you can record on a piece of paper all the times he was sick when you were and show him; you can bring up the future with a baby scenario; you could even buy stuff to ensure he's sick and not faking it, but let me tell you, he will gaslight and lie his way through every single conversation you have with him.
Please recognize when someone's odd behavior is affecting your health and in this case your mental and physical health.
If something your partner does or says to you is bothersome and is consistent, there not only needs to be a stop and a talk, but if the other person wants to have a future with you, they won't deflect, defend themselves, or blame you.
If he loved you, he wouldn't make you feel like you're even questioning your sanity.
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Wait but… you have a degree and you have the same job? Why should he go to school (which he’s clearly not interested in), stall his current career path for several years, take on all that debt, all just to wind up right back where you both are now?
I went to college and I currently have a job that doesn’t require a degree. I love my job, it has great vacations and great benefits (helloooo 24 PTO days a year!) and the pat is good (starts at 50k). All my college degree ever did was give me more monthly bills.
College is great for some but not everyone.
USE. FUCKING. PARAGRAPHS. Giant blocks of text are really fucking nude to read.
NEVER change your appearance for ANYONE but yourself. Never.
If you want it, fine, but at least see a therapist to make sure it's not body dysphoria.
If she’s living there and maybe you’re planning on being together long term, than the bills shouldn’t matter. She should pay!
Some who loves you and cares for you would not get a major change in appearance with a discussion.
So tel her that and let her decide between you and the dogs
I would say all those things to him (for your sake get it off your chest) Then I would tell him his choices in his life led to this place.
Tell him you wish him peace and leave it.
Thank you for this great advice 🙂
Let me start responding to this by disclosing a few things; first, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you understand I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative; I love love and wish you nothing but the absolute best. I separately do quite well financially and my wife earns a solid income. That's important due to how the two of you treat finances. In saying that, if you or anyone else doesn't want to combine finances, that's your decision and yours' alone. But at some point you need to stop viewing finances as “my” and start focusing on it as “our.” You describe it as if you two are completely separate entities. Second, let's focus on what you wrote. You two made a decision to stay longer. Negligible or not, the decision had been made. You want to argue about it leading up to it? Fine. Once it's done? Absurd. If it was truly an “irretrievable” loss (which is silly), then again, it should have been argued and settled prior. Now, I unfortunately assume it was argued the entire time, but you'll have to let us know. At that point, it's like, what are we doing here? You shouldn't be guessing what happened. You should know.
As for assignments, you both need to put things into perspective; what's his end game? What's your's? Does he want to be the sole income? If so, you're wasting your time in his eyes. Does he want dual income? If so, why would he be fighting it? Makes no sense.
To bring it back, he might have an argument (he doesn't – I'm an accountant so I'm really amped for this) if you travelling made fiscal and logical sense, but it unfortunately does not. He's travelling for free. You have the ability to travel, but you have to pay for it. Who's paying for it? You, and you alone. Are you both also paying for rent?
As for school, you made the agreement assuming you'd be fine if you travelled. You've learned it doesn't work well. Life happens and things change. He askes you if you could go on the trip to which you respond you'd do a hack job. Why doesn't this bother him? This is again where I take pause. Someone concerned about income would respond differently. He quite clearly is planning for a single income home. That's fine if you're good with it. Are you?
Outside of leaving, your argument should be that he takes over the entirety of the expenses.
A joke would imply it's funny and not true, but it sounds like he means this stuff
I do very much agree, and if it does happen when I make this change then I will very much leave. I guess with posting this I’m hoping to gain opinions on how to discuss it with him in depth before making the change and the possibility of that happening.
I agree with most of your points, but will say even if a lot of people only sleep 5.5 hrs regularly, a lot of others can’t function on that little. It’s person to person. For instance, i actually function really poorly on less than 7.5, ideally getting 8.5. I’ve tried to cut it down over the years and finally just started going to bed earlier when I have to be up earlier. Spoke to a doctor about it and everything and they were like, why are you concerned about this this is normal human sleep function.
I tried bringing it up. But I said I felt guilty that I wasn’t calling more often and it didn’t mean that I am not interested but that I prefer in person dating. He said that he wants me to open up more and he needs feedback. I am hoping that that is enough. But still feeling the pressure to call.
What is your advice?
RUN.