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What can I do so she doesn't feel like its a chore?
Stop being so controlling. What you are asking of her isn't normal. It's way, way too much. Her telling you that your constant requests for updates is a chore is a polite way of telling you to knock it off with the constant questioning. If you don't, she will end the relationship very soon. I would.
Sounds like my ex who cheated on me. “Everyone cheats it’s normal, and anyone who says they don’t is lying.” Exact words. Girl don’t let him brainwash you. He is a shitty person and a shitty husband. If you stay it will only get worse and he will end up cheating on you. My advice is to leave him and find someone who thinks the sun shines out of your ass when you get undressed. They’re out there.
Okay, you know what? You're probably right. End it, make sure you tell her why. I'm sure the virgins will be lining up to satisfy you.
Because watching a toddler doesnt take 8 hours a day. you can put him/her in a crib while you do chores
Can you clarify – did you hit him on purpose? Your choice of words and phrasing makes it seem like an accident, so just wanting to gain clarity on the intent. In addition, what was the other incident? You mentioned this being the 2nd time you hit him. What happened then?
That's not how this works lmao !! Her mum has obviously been sexually abused and groomed since a young age. She probably doesn't have any sort of semblance of what a normal, healthy relationship should be like !
Idiot lmao
It doesn't really matter what is 'right' imo.
He's agreed to quit the friendship, but I don't think this satisfies you. You can accept that he doesn't see it the same way but is willing to change his behavior to accommodate your boundary.
Boundaries aren't about getting someone to see things exactly as you do. It's about respecting your values/limits even when they aren't shared.
Based on your description I feel like you aren't going to move on from this until he says he sees it your way. I don't think that's going to result in a stronger relationship with this guy, and might hinder you long term with relationships in general.
For your own happiness it's important to be able to let go. Best of luck.
Go to the baby shower and spend the entire time talking to every single table about how weird and hurtful this is and how he abandoned you for 13 years.
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Agreed! As a sexworker, I would never have sex with anyone outside work besides my husband. Sexwork isn't a free pass to just have sex with anyone.
She didn’t tell you. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust, but you can’t have trust when one partner isn’t telling the other things they need to know. She was comfortable with not telling you, so you have a very skewed picture of who she really is.
Have both of you been tested for STDs?
I've been thinking about this some more and i hate to throw doubt on a relationship when its out of place. What's your thoughts on this girl? honestly? the innocent alley pee and all that? what is your gut telling you? I think this is important?
Interestingly it's really not.
You'd have to go to court to settle custody for kids and possibly the sale of any property (depending on how the relationship ended).
A divorce handles all of that. There are specific laws and protections for the division of property that aren't there if you aren't married.
You really seem to be afraid of divorce OP. I think you owe it to yourself to work out why. It's ok to never want to be married; it's not for everyone. But your girlfriend wants it and you need to ensure that you are clear with her on your stance.
OP open relationship is NEVER the answer.
You’ve learned what you need to do in these comments. She will never forget the things you did for her and how sweet and loyal you remained throughout these trying times.
May the Force be with you
I do have a therapist and I’m going to talk about it with him soon.
There’s a part of that just doesn’t want to deal with the number he did on me anymore and telling her would drag me back into discussing him and thinking about him and I’m genuinely trying to heal and move on.
Well on a sub where toxic men are mocked for their toxic behavior, some woman once shared what a guy had posted. It was similar to what this girl said. He also felt that women have made an agreement not to date him, and wasn't hateful at all. Most women were calling him a loser and wishing he never gets to date anyone.
Why are they right then?
They don’t know that the girls are wearing that stuff.
The one thing I'd be very worried about if I was in your shoes is that he is just going to blame anything he does wrong now and in the future on the cancer. He's already brushing the last two years under the rug
Jesus all this harassment from your ex-friend's fiancee just because you wouldn't go along with her flirting and manipulations.
Honestly this is going to sound like a joke and might not be incredible advice, but watch will and grace, like all of it. They explore this nearly identical scenario multiple times in the show, in several different ways and outcomes. I’m not saying it’ll tell you what to do, but it will give you something to reflect on
Break up. This is how this will play out. He will choose her. She will lose interest then he will come back to you because you have taught him you are ok being treated like a doormat. Then she will get interested again.
Do not stay with people who make you an option. Girl he’s told you to your face he’s not in to you. Why let him treat you like this. Don’t Pick Me Dance. Find your self respect and leave.
Well done for getting away from him and ending it. It must've been so difficult considering the way he's been undermining your confidence and making you feel less than.
As an internet stranger, I am very proud of you. Stick to your guns and live! your best life from here ?
When I went through a divorce I came to find out that my state, MD thinks of marriage (especially if their are no kids) as a business arrangement. Two business partners who don’t want to be in business anymore. Currently my sisters husband/accountant?/drug addicted/loser has put her through the ringer. The advice I give you is the same as the advice I give her… Divorce him for financial reasons. He doesn’t have to leave, you don’t have to kick him out. Just remove all financial ties as soon as possible. If he dies, or if they just want to, the IRS can pursue you as well. They will say you benefited from his not paying taxes.
Ideally, you need to work together with your partner to share in household duties if you go back to work.
What baffles me, though, is all y’all out there making whole ass babies with men who can’t lift a finger in their own home. Like did you expect him to magically become molly maid? You’ve set a terrible precedent in your relationship, now you get to enjoy the hard work of raising your child whilst also raising your husband to become a functional adult. And no, being employed alone doesn’t make one an adult.
People people people start expecting more of your partners. And for the love of god stop making children with partner who already don’t pull their weight. The only person suffering is that poor child.
Sounds like we found the daily wife's new Gina Carano vehicle
Your post is really about two separate issues. First, you are now insecure about your intelligence in relation to your husband. Point of fact: you were too of your class. You are definitely book smart which is one of the many kinds of intelligence. Therefore, your husband claiming you aren't very smart is obviously proven wrong.
The second issue has to do with relationships (emotional intelligence). Your husband has purposely made you feel insecure about a characteristic you value about yourself. Not only that, he's made it clear he not only doesn't value that trait- he claims not to see it! No loving partner would tear you down this way. You need to look at the whole relationship: what has he said or shown that he loves about you as a person? What has he said or done that has made you feel bad about yourself? Would you treat him, someone you love, the way he has treated you? Is the version of you he chooses to see and love, the person you are willing to accept and be treated as?
age gap red flag number one – the younger and more inexperienced you are the easier it is to mould you into their perfect glrlfriend/mom/maid, by preying on the more you want to impress him because of the stars in your eyes blinding you from his toxic behaviors, and your young more naive ways. If he doesnt like your independent voice and opinions, this is exactly why. you are not performing the way he wants you to.
She sounds insufferable tbh. It doesn't sound like she should be in a relationship at all right now, and you two are incompatible. I would leave. You're not boring for having a life outside of her and for having a routine. 6 months is not long enough to be arguing as much as it sounds like you two are. Don't change for people. Don't lose yourself in a relationship- it will NEVER be worth it.
This is completely unacceptable behaviour.
You need to leave this relationship before he hurts you.
This isn't about the length of time of the relationship. I was married for almost 10 yrs to someone like your boyfriend, it doesn't get better until you break up and find a partner who's compatible with you. He's telling you what he wants and what's he's willing to put in to this relationship, believe him.
Please read the OPs comment history
Out of curiosity, what do you consider a red flag when dating someone? Like, what could happen that would make you be like “yeah, this doesn’t feel right, I don’t think I should continue seeing this person.”?
This is not what people in healthy and commited relationship do. Even breaks should be discussed beforehand. At this point I think she might treat it as free cheating pass.
I would message her this nit how relationship works. Thst you either are together or not, and if she needs more space it's fine, but you deserve proper conversation. You should message her she either calls you soon and explain herself or it won't a break, but a break-up instead (which it should be).
A lot of replies to this so instead of answering them indivially here is a list of them all.
Yea I do find they leave a weird taste in the mouth, no matter whether u drop em in a drink to dissolve or just pop them.
even your first time ever doing xans 1 xanax will not make you black out completley to the point OP has described. Hence why I asked if she felt any symptoms the next day as a few certainly would’ve but you would almost certainly have some of the comedown effects the next day.
id love to stop taking them and tbh im a lot better than I was once. I keep it recreational, I.e once a fortnight we’ll get together sip some lean and pop a couple Xanax. We always watch each others back and if there is every oxycodone we always have narcan. I’ve done so much research into dosage, overdose etc. and make sure to always keep my use in those “safe” parameters. Plus we only ever use when we have gotten direct from pharmacies, fuck pressies.
All in to OP – im not entirely sure if he has been or not, theres an argument to both sides but a simple home drug test could quash your fears, i.e 8 test yourself for drugs to see if any are you system.
Don’t listen to the people saying “if you think this off him just end it now” – we do not know your life story, this all could be talk stemming from a friend or your own past trauma, none of us know.
I wouldn’t bother asking as simply no one would admit if they had, and if he hasn’t that is your relationship over.
Overall:
if you experienced any withdraw-esqe symptoms the next day. if your genitals were sore the next day.
or if you have more belief that he had more than didn’t have, break it off and move on.
if you didnt experience any.
if your genitals weren’t sore.
if you/a friend has a simply experience with this and you could be placing theirs with your, evaluate further.
Never jump to conclusions, hope all works out well, and if you wanna ask anything further, free to LMK.
I had a lot of stuff with my head and I was falling back into depression but I was able to sort it out
This is weird, and you are NOT overreacting—he’s underreacting. Next time he goes, you go with him. I mean if it’s not a big deal, right? Go hang out with the young mother. Make yourself at home. Call his bluff.
Red flags …. Don't get married. He wants to be controlling and he can't even communicate to you why. I hate to say it op but it's probably time to move on.
Considering what you've said, to ask him to get a loan this early on in a relationship isn't ideal. It would be different if he already had the money, but you're asking a lot for him regardless. The risk is pretty high that borrowing money could cause issues down the track and things could get messy. If I were him, I would want to know exactly what your spending your money on to know if you could really afford what you promise because if your debt is more than what you earn, then you could be a problem spender and not necessarily get better financially if someone bails you out. Sometimes, people need to go bankrupt to learn not to get themselves into that kind of BS again.
It sounds like she does care but that she isn’t expressing it in the same way you are. Remember that people show they care and express feelings in different ways.
And she'd had a really tough day. It must be heart wrenching to see a young child die, announce it to the parents, all that. My little problems with clients who don't understand my job pale into a mere smudge in comparison.
im glad they had a good head on their shoulders, unlike OP's husband and brother in law. i swear, some men are so unbelievably evil and dont even realize it?? like what the actual fuck is wrong with them? i feel so bad for OP and all the ex girls involved with these scumbags ?
Personally I think this sounds like a recipe or disaster
Not true u don't even know me
Why don’t you make plans to go clubbing with your girlfriend?
Say “hey next Saturday do you want to go bar hopping with me?”
You are not her dad or her boss, just a 17-year-old kid who has no business thinking he has a right to “not let” her wear a dress to a concert. What's wrong with wearing a dress to a concert? I only wear dresses and skirts, what am I doing wrong according to you?