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+1 he knows he's wrong hence the secrecy
Yeah, I think you're right. I left it in because I wanted to let him know this hadn't affected my perception of him, but it felt weird declaring “nothing's changed”
I'm sorry have nothing constructive to say, other then I am so sorry. No idea how you get passed this. She is obviously checked out and wants to move on, but does not want to lose the support you bring her…
I understand wanting to salvage the situation due to the kids. However, when people say they want to open the marriage, what they really mean is they have found someone and don't want to feel the guilt…
She made the decision to cheat with him. It's only right she ends contact with him if she wants a relationship with you. Anything short of that is bullshit.
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Also why are you advocating for cheating here? Its highly inappropriate and pathetic. Relationships don’t work if you just cheat on your spouse. Such people deserve loneliness for their entire lives so that they cant ruin other peoples lives
So when you left for 5 months did y’all communicate in any way?
if people could send dick punches with the power of hatred, this dude would be holding ice packs to his little predator for the next six months straight and I still wouldn’t feel bad for him.
Jesus Christ whatever you do don’t just show up there without asking. Total douche self centered move.
My impression is that when you told her your feelings she was surprised and told you how she felt. She didn’t think of you on that way. But after when she had time to think about it she may have realised that she could see you in that way. Keep talking to her and just tell her, if you say something that makes her feel uncomfortable, she should let you know. And then after a few days start flirting with her and see if she gives a good vibe in response or not.
I thought it was. But since 33 people named you the “not relevant” police I stand corrected. Happy new year.
You sound like a pretty observant person. I think you’re spot on with her wanting the space, and why.
I think just keep doing what you’re doing, and give her the time she needs.
You can ask the question about where the relationship is headed in a few months. Your needs matter, too.
But give her the space for now, as you’re doing ?
You aren't invested in this relationship because you say you are just FWB. You aren't looking to deepen your commitment or work out any issues. Yes, relationships fail too but you have more opportunity and hopefully interest in making them work out. You don't even present yourselves as a couple. How does that affect your daughter?
One does not make out unintentionally, lol.
Divorce your husband then worry about your love life. Block the boys under 25. Including him, because you're not interested in friendship.
That's the main thing. Be aware there are quite a few, and keep a look out for it. Your mind might lie to you and say things like “There is no way that guy is interested in me” or “He's just being nice, it's not really a compliment.” That's just your mind lying and it will do that a lot when you get your ego shredded the way your ex did yours.
Not only should you dump him, you should seek a restraining order and change all your contact/social media details.
Liar liar, pants on ?!!
Doubt that. You’ll probably be on this page again talking about how your next girlfriend is an emotional mess and you had to hit her to get her to calm down
He neglects my advice and fucked up his cdl progress twice. Once was thc and the other was because he didnt like he had to give up some blood. He struggles with insomnia but wint take herbs or go to the doctor for it. I dont understand why he cant buy me flowers. And I dont want them anymore. At least not from him I feel fucked up bringing my baby into this. He doesnt deserve this one bit. But I'll be much happy living seperately. I've tried being patient with him. Hes hoping around from one failed project to the next. Which is cool but I need him focused on one thing. But now my patience is running thin and I'll be more happy if he had a part time job where he works and comes home and help with baby. Imma need as for some reason he thinks cooking me a meal when I come home is too much eventhough in his words I havent cooked in 2 or 3 weeks… YET I've been cooking for 3 years. Feeding him. Idk. I'm upset he doesnt have the same heart if not a better one than me. I'm disappointed I stayed with him and I did let him know I was going to leave him. But I wanted to work it out. He cant even do simple shit for me to make me feel special. To make us work. He wont tell me if its depression or something idk. He says it's a work in progress. But in the mean time show me you love me. Squeezing my feet triggered me cause I feel he doesnt listen. I tell him it hurts. And he complains how my feet are super rough or has a bunch of tension. But I try to explain you dont squeeze as my feet are super sensitive. He doesnt fucking listen at the end of the day. Hes obviously someone I had way too high expectations for, I dont accept him for the way he does things in life as an adult and I'm pretty fed up
Ew.
Disgusting. What the fuck.
Honestly just take a step back from him for sometime.
yes, I went with her to the clinic today for STD testing and also to hopefully gain evidence for the police information. She is doing all the correct things that can help prevent this man from doing this to any other female ever again and i’m really proud of her for that. I made this post mainly as an outlet on how to support her and also to see if my feelings about it are valid. I have not once made it about me when talking to her, and she is still very open with me. Thank you for the advice though. It probably is a given, but i’m probably not processing it correctly due to my age
These guys sound like losers. People can have the same ideals and interests as you without being part of that scene
So I work for state government, manual labor. We travel once a year for a big equipment operating competition. We get hotel rooms paid for, but there's the option to share with a roommate if you want. I am female, the only other female that works in my division is going to retire this year.
Anyways, the HR lady did ask if I was comfortable sharing a room with one of the males, and I said yes, but only if he's also comfortable sharing and then I gave her a list of men that I wouldn't want to be roomed with.
I am in my thirties and have been a relationship with a monogamous male partner for almost 7years. He doesn't have a problem with this because… We trust each other!!!
Only reason I’ve not done this is cause the only reason I have her number is for the uni project which is now finished. I messaged her a bit afterwards and the convo went on for a while, but I’d feel a bit sleazy calling her (if that’s the right word) when she didn’t really give me her number for that reason, if you get what I mean?
Stop cooking. Get yourself takeout on the way home. Explain to him that when he is willing to spend 20-30 minutes a day helping you with chores, you will be willing to take up cooking agian. Until that time, he can take care of his own dinner.
Are you allergic to washing dishes
I think the best way to do this is when you’re in person – if that’s possible at all given the LDR.
Second to that, just asking about her, sparking curiosity and seeing if she wants to know anything about you etc…
Her being a virgin may mean she has very little experience with anything sexual, including masturbation. Tread slowly, respectfully, and see how you go.
I just want to commend you on your use of “whilst” considering you shared English isn’t your first language and “kinda”. So you killed both formal and informal in your post. I suggest approaching sex in this way too.
As he was showing me the pictures his phone froze and redirected him to a folder of pictures and videos about 10 in total he has taken of me.
How could you see everything in the folder at once? I'm kind of confused how his phone froze and then you're able to see the zooming in on your butt in the video(s) all of a sudden? Was he fake acting shocked and wanted to see your reaction? To me, something doesn't add up here.
I think this might be a better post in r/askhr if this is actually real?
He deleted messages, because there was something needing deletion there. Confront him. Tell him, deleting their messages, makes you suspect tbe worst. Ask him to cut contact with her. After this event this should be an absolute deal breaker.
Also tell him directly, that any alt accounts shenanigans would mean break up.
She lied to you early on and kept the secret this whole time. It wouldn't have been a big deal at the time. But, since you were being so honest with each other the dishonesty on her part is the issue. And, you know that. So, what else is she hiding?
This is why I don't discuss my sec history. Nothing good ever comes from it.
“You signed up for this”
No OP didn’t.
Marriage itself isn't as common as it used to be so I don't necessarily agree with that aspect, besides which it's way easier to get married than it is to buy a house so not necessarily a good baseline. My partner and I got married over a year after we bought our house together and that was mostly for health insurance and tax reasons tbh.
But we had been together for about 5 years at that point, lived together for more than 6 years (started as roommates), and had an almost 2 year old together.
A year and a half of dating? That seems early to be sure you guys are even sure you're compatible simply to online together, much less everything that comes with owning a house together.
And leaving all of that aside I'm not sure now is a good time to be buying a house unless you need to.
Well, if you bring it up. I would try and do it objectively as possible.
I would avoid phrasing it in a way where he caused these feelings for you.
It's not his fault that you didn't get accepted, nor should he be blamed for it. So, I would be careful not to toss frustrations in his direction.
If you're going to talk about it, I would like to see this route:
I am happy that you went and got to experience this trip.
I really wanted to go and lately I have been feeling down because I wish I could have been there with you to share in the same experience.
And seeing you there having a blast, it made me feel more sad because it kept reminding me what I was missing.
I really wanted to go.
This made me do a lot of thinking, but I would love for us to take a trip together to one of these places.
Do you think we can plan for one?
On a seperate note:
When I was talking to my mom about this, she brushed it off by saying it was okay for me to be jealous and that we should just break up
Does your mom even like him? That comment to me sounds like she disapproves the relationship. I think that breaking up over this is unreasonable. And she was looking for a reason to convince you in breaking up…
Wow! So how much dishonesty can you survive?
You aren't being honest with her, she's not being honest (or open) with you, you aren't being honest with the people around you and you have asked her to deceive them too just so you can appear to be a happy couple.
How many stories have you read, watched or listen to where a big pile of honestly makes a relationship work out?
I ask because I have no idea what good you think can possibly come from this. Do you think she will change her mind and suddenly want you in her romantic future again and that you can stop lying to everyone?
Let me black and white this for you.
She's doesn't want to have a future with you romantically You deserve a partner who wants to build a life with you You are wasting your time on someone who has rejected you This is the PRIME of your dating life. It doesn't get easier than this. Your resentment and impatience is starting to grow It will not stop You will eventually resent her for lack of wanting you romantically, using you for sex and a convenient place to stay and wasting your time. That resentment could kill your friendship\
I say you make a plan and stick to it. Ask her if she wants to reconsider the breakup and get back together. If she says no – treat it like a real breakup and make plans to end your living arrangement. Start dating other people and move on with your life. She's either on board with building something with you or you find someone who is. Be honest with her, your friends and yourself about who you are to each other.