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Yes, she will leave. Better break up with her, even if they don't end up together, it is a clear sign she prefers her ex.
I'm going to level with you. You've hurt her but that hurts going to sdecrease every day. You'll just end up being some AH that she dated once.
Also the other commenter is right, she's not totally innocent in this talking shit about you to her ex. Although this depends on what she was saying.
Wasting time is always a risk with anyone, what you can do is too pay attention to how she reacts to different situations out talk to her about it
Thank you, appreciate the advice. Do you think it's worth saying something or to just bow out and let the relationship fizzle?
We have each other's spare keys so I'd need to give that back in either case and I'm thinking if I do that it's going to cause questions.
Yes. Maintaining contact prolongs the agony. No Contact for at least a few years.
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Sooo if this is the only time she’s super friggin weird and controlling I would get her to come to the gym. I know that sounds silly BUT she wants to spend time with you and she’s being awful.
Working out is import to you, so I would just try to get her involved and she can make the choice if she’s staying home or gets to spend time with you.
If she has an issue with that, then it’s not really about getting to see you but controlling you.
I am absolutely a kill them with kindness type of person.
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This is the first time this has specifically ever been brought up in the entirety of our marriage. But you know, being in my 30's after being physically beaten, cheated on, etc in past relationships, it tends to skew how bad the “smaller” shit seems for a while.
I did try to ask him but he said it was the 100% truth, but it is weird how he did not try to talk again
I don't know, but I think you can still be friends with your exes and have them around you (well depends on the ex, current partner and many more circumstances but it's lpossible)
I think the situation would be half as bad if he communicated his wish to check on his ex for whatever reason and was sure his gf was fine with it. Or talked to his gf after he sent the text. But keeping it a secret makes him suspicious and is definitely a breach of trust.
Girl give it a try like now…whether he refuses or agrees it doesn’t matter becuase you won’t spend the next 20 yrs wondering what could have happened if you had asked him out. You have to do yourself a favor and just do it. Goooo
I have anxiety issues and can't always trust my gut because it's just my anxiety telling me things that aren't necessarily true. Sometimes, you need to trust the facts, not your gut. If there is no incriminating evidence, like recent messages, there might not be any reason not to trust him.
However, I would listen to my gut a little and start paying attention for other signs. You know, just in case.
This sub has become r/amitheasshole 2.0
I'm going to say something because I DID WHAT YOU SUGGESTED AND IT BLEW OFF MY FACE.
My brother needed a place to on-line. He was kicked out of my mother's house. My mom is toxic and I had no relationship with her. So, me, my spouse, his gf, and my brother with their pets lived in my apartment. I did the sisterly thing. BUT THE DEAL WAS #1 HE GET THERAPY (suffers from ptsd, was in the marines) #2 TO SAVE UP $$$$ FOR ATLEAST 2 YEARS SO HE CAN GET HIS OWN PLACE.
So what happened? THEY LOVED LIVING RENT FREE THAT THEY REFUSED TO PITCH IN. IN THE 8 YEARS, 8!!!! THEY LIVED WITH US, HE REFUSED GOING TO THERAPY, REFUSED TP SAVE MONEY AND REFUSED TO HELP US. My spouse was paying everything AND I MEAN EVRRYTHING. They took advantage of us.
We gave them 3 months to save up and get an apartment. THEY REFUSED TO LEAVE. My spouse and I literally moved out and they had to scramble finding an apartment. And guess what, they finally managed to find and rent an apartment ?.
If your sister has a BAD HABIT IN GETTING INTO TOXIC CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS, she will not want to be independent. She wants to be stuck WITH YOU.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR SISTERS KEEPER. She's a grown up who made awful choices. And even with your presence SHE WILL NOT CHANGE HER WAYS UNTIL SHE SEES A THERAPIST TO WORK ON HERSELF AND UNDERSTAND WHY SHE PICKS TOXIC PARTNERS.
If she works, she can save $$$$$, rent a room, and do what she needs to do. If she picked a partner WHO ISOLATED HER, DIDNT ALLOW HER TO GET A JOB, SHE HAS NO VEHICLE BECAUSE SHE 100% DEPENDED IN THIS TOXIC GUY……that's on her.
BTW my brother is my only family too. Does he talk to me? NO. Has a relationship with me?NO HE IS STILL BEING MANIPULATED BY MY MOTHER WHOM I AM NO CONTACT.
People make choices and some real bad ones.
Your sister for whatever reason in her mind, thought this guy WAS THE BEST DUDE TO BE WITH. AND YOU WANT TO RISK A 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP just to help a person who probably won't even care to help themselves cause: I can dial my sister and she's available to clean up my messes.
As someone WHO DID HELP FOR A LONG TIME FOR NOTHING BECAUSE ALL MY BROTHER AND SIL DID WAS COMPLAIN EVRRY TIME WE ASKED THEM TO HELP OUT FINANCIALLY AND WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO MOVE OUT. YOU ARE THROWING A WAY A 5 year RELATIONSHIP for an unstable relative that probably only wants to be taken care of and has NO DESIRE TO THRIVE INDEPENDENTLY AND GET APPROPRIATE HELP ON HER OWN.
YOU need to set boundaries AND IM ?WITH YOUR GF ON THIS. YOU WILL REGRET THROWING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AWAY FOR A RELATIVE THAT HAS MENTAL ISSUES AND IS NOT WILLING TO DO THE NECESSARY THINGS TO LIVE! A HEALTHY AND INDEPENDENT LIFE. YOUR SISTER WILL GO TO CONTINUE HER UNHEALTHY HABITS AND YOU WILL RESENT HER FOR MAKING YOU THROWING AWAY A RELATIONSHIP WHEN SHE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION TO BETTER HERSELF.
Once you’re on the other side you should come back to these posts and read your own words. It’s a real trip.
Oh my gosh YES that is so going to happen! Even reading my original when I came to make this post was kind of a trip, I sounded kind of hopeless in my responses.
It's a marriage, not a hostage situation.
If we had to maintain wedding vows even after falling out of love, then why marry someone we're in love with in the first place? Just take whoever is the best possible life partner (finances, house chores, child raising, medical, etc.), have a vows ceremony, tell them “now you can't leave” and be done.
If falling out of love in a marriage is not good enough a reason to divorce, it means marriages are not a matter of love but a matter of unbreakable contractual liability.
Well, he cheated on his girlfriend with her sister, so that might been a red flag. Also, you didn't have kids, and that's when abusive people drop their mask sometimes, as its much harder to leave. And you're right, she is younger and might not be in a position to leave him as easily as you. Bottom line is: it's not your fault.
He sounds like a horrible person and you deserve better
It’s certainly manipulation. Her next step will be to feign chest pain if you make an attempt to stand your ground.
Source: I’m a paramedic and it’s astonishing how many people will actually call an ambulance just to put on a show after a disagreement.
I give her the benefit of the doubt. But if she does something like that again, or speaks badly to you, or if you see that she blackmails you with anything, leave her relationship.
Step 1: Check your toxicity. You’re not her savior, and you’re barely even dating. It’s great that you want to help her, but you can’t force it on her. You can offer, but by no means should you be like everyone else in her life and just expect her to acquiesce.
You have described someone who you see as frequently being taken advantage of by others. Just because you are trying to help her, doesn’t mean you’re not doing the same thing as everyone else. Your goals may be benevolent, but it can result it the same effect.
While I will agree that work-life balance is imperative to a healthy existence, you’re both 23, and in her case, her schedule is temporary as she works to achieve her goals.
Go about what?
Sounds like a dumb young guy who put their foot in their mouth. Objectively, he’s not wrong that brown eyes are very common. That’s the dominant gene.
My partner has brown eyes. They twinkle when he smiles or is joking and they’re cute. I have a pretty rare eye color and get compliments or questions from complete strangers like in the check out line at the grocery or gas station. It’s one of my “best” physical attributes I’d say.
I don’t know what there is to do here exactly. Not every part of you is going to be remarkable.
She didn’t say she wanted to, she said she could. If she wanted to she would have just gotten out of the car and let us go do our thing. The hill I choose to die on was a 3 minute conversation in the car to decide what the best option was to do, and one that I let my GF ultimately decide. How many times do I have to say if my GF chose to leave her, I would have left her to take an Uber. She didn’t and got mad at me after the fact for trying to be a considerate human being of HER friend. Your short opinions with no depth are appreciated and noted, now I hope others can include their take because this is just an echochamber with such a limited response.
What you do is what you feel comfortable doing. Or not doing.
If he isn't OK with who you are, then you are incompatible. It happens. You are very young. Don't waste time in a relationship with someone who wants to change who you are.
Reading the first three points, I was like ????? but you had me from #4 on.