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Ask him to tell you what drew him to the ring he chose for you. The thought and significance behind his choice might make you warm up to what he picked.
Would you rather have an engagement ring that you instructed him to get you that only has aesthetic significance for you and means nothing to him or your relationship OR would you like to spend the rest of your life wearing a ring that you might not have picked for yourself with a deeper significance of your partner's love for and commitment to you. You can make subtle suggestions or hints if you want, but ultimately it's probably kind of important that he chooses the one to give you when you think of the symbolic value of it.
“previous guys didn't do this to u because they don't love you enough”
Well that sounds like he's eroding your confidence and feelings of self worth so you stay with him.
These are already alarming behaviours, and if he hasn't stopped them after 4 years (unless you're a serial cheater and you've omitted that!), then it's time to go.
Now, he may increase his possessiveness and controlling behaviours as you start to leave, so have a plan in place (eg. Find a new place to online and be ready to move) when you tell him you're leaving. Have someone with you when you tell him. And then leave. And do not tell him where you're going.
I had a friend in a similar position to you, and he, after she left and blocked him, started contacting her friends (like myself), with a sob story about how he was just worried about her – so if he has any friends/family contact details let them know what's happening and not to interact with him, as I was able to shut his story down as I knew what was really happening.
In all honesty, all any of us want from life is happiness – so don't tie yourself to someone or something that actively causes you to be unhappy. Time is short.
And please, even if you don't think he could harm you, protect yourself as much as possible (currently one of the headlines in the UK is about a woman murdered by her boyfriend).
Talking about it and telling your partner is just awful.
He asked. HE snooped which is what led to him asking. So when he snoops and then asks, her actions are “just awful” for not lying? “Not lying” = “just awful”. Man reddit really loses it sometimes when their insecurities start showing.