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It really is a lot.
He doesn't gift other coworkers like he does with me, he'll get them a coffee or food if they're coming in later, but that's it.
At one point, he left a candle on my desk and I asked if he had gotten anyone else a candle. He told me no, so I went and put it on one of our coworkers desks and said “I'm sure he'd appreciate getting this more than me, you've already given me way too much. Thanks though.”
I'll try out leaving it at “thanks, no thanks!” And see how it goes. It's usually already on my desk whenever I walk in so I'd also have to go put it back in his office.
I feel like a lot of people her are siding with your wife without knowing the actual story behind why she hates your parents. I’m also a people pleaser and it makes me ill to see 2 people I care about fight or hate each other. Especially when both of the sides have done wrong things to each other and don’t see the hypocrisy. I’m Not saying your wife is wrong because there are plenty of reasons to go no contact with family but you need to do some introspective thinking and decide whether what your parents did truly constitutes the hate from your wife or not. I gatta say how do you not remember the reason you stopped talking to your parents? Putting that in the post would have most likely got you a consensus real quick.
Sometimes people that are dating the first time – are much more serious about things and sort of is this for life. Let her go and let her find herself. Make clear that you will not wait long.
I think people should have the power to decide on their own name. How this worked in practice for my marriage is that wife chose to keep her name and because I wanted us to have the same name I took hers.
He might feel the only option that is acceptable to his family is the traditional one.