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No one believes you and for some obvious reasons: 1) if it was financial or drug related (for example) your BF would have had his phone returned already. The cops would have cloned the phone onto a virtual machine and already have all the evidence from the phone secured. Then he would have gotten the phone back.
The fact that he hasn't gotten his phone back suggests that the phone contains something that they can't return to him; like CP or classified government documents.
So either your BF has done something more in line with those crimes (most likely CP, despite what you say).
I think you're deluding yourself if you think simply viewing CP is victimless. And that just the notion that you would stick by this guy is a black mark on your own character.
If this is because he has some classified emails of a politician he worked for saved on his phone or something – it's your call as to how serious that might be in this case (could be very might not be at all – it depends). In the much, much more likely scenario that this dude is a pedo you should delete his number and pretend you've never even heard of him and consider yourself luck you weren't stupid enough to have married this fucking creep.
Initiate a divorce for cheating and get them to serve the workplace, print the man's name as well.
tell your family and social circle that your wife is cheating
Don't be fooled by the manipulations, she should have cut off communication with him instead of hiding it from you because she realized she didn't like you.
You are being deceived, offer a polygraph.
I was wondering if maybe he is on the spectrum, because he seems completely baffled by normal human emotions.
Go spend some time over at r/QAnoncasualties. You dodged a massive bullet.
It's a trap! She's committed and down for it now, but buyers' remorse is a thing, and it happens more often than not. The fact that the third is her best friend is also an issue. What happens if she ends up regretting the experience or getting jealous? This wouldn't just affect your marriage, but the friendship as well. Who would she turn for support when her two closest options are involved?
If you're gonna go through with it, do not under any circumstances have sex. At least not right away. Take it slow, keep it PG, and lay out boundaries. And continuously check in to make sure she's fine. To be honest, this is such a minefield that it's better to just avoid it all together.
Don't stupid here bruh, leave. She already lied to you, nor does she respect you.