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ask him to block her. If he doesn't then she is more than a friend.
ask him to block her. If he doesn't then she is more than a friend.
We have only been officially together since Fall 2020.
I don't think anyone can say whether or not you would regret leaving….but I am in a 23 year relationship, similar age and yes….I know I would regret if I did not do everything in my power first. Have you sat her down and had a blunt conversation about everything you are feeling and what you both want for your future? It takes 2 people for a marriage to work and 3 years is a scary amount of time for a marriage to be in peril. It's time – the sink or swim time.
I would personally have that blunt conversation. The I'm so unhappy, I'm worried about you and if things don't change I fear our marriage will not survive. If I have to ever initiate divorce I want to ensure I've done everything I can and that he knows exactly why and is not blind sided. I would explain to my partner I am going to start working on me….and I hope they would move forward getting help and let me know how I can help in their journey and while I want to move forward with them I'm not going to stay as is with the relationship where it is.
I have been trying to get my mother into therapy for the past decade. I tried reasoning, i've tried emotions. Nothing works. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. There are always excuses, and now if i even go near any mental health topic she gets upset and ready to attack at any point.
I hope your wife can listen!
I had to call for my uncle, whom she respects and love a lot, to get him to talk her into going to therapy. Sometimes, what we need is to hear it from someone else.
Yikes. You don’t have to do anything. He has some growing up to do. I’m not insinuating that you need a man to support you. But your man should be able to support you (and vice versa). How is he going to do that if he cant even do it for himself?
Tell her with confidence, because the relationship is already done. Tell her straight up. “You’ve been giving off weird vibes and seemed like you were hiding something with naked you talked about things. So I went through your phone. I know. We’re done.” And walk away like a a boss.
Ask her where her portion of bills will come from since you aren't married and your money is yours.
Also get a paternity test. Anyone that quits their job immediately like this is taking advantage of you. Wouldn't be a big stretch to be cheating too.
Quitting later in pregnancy makes sense if there's no maternity leave. Right away is ridiculous.
Write up a loan that's notarized stating that you're willing to cover $XYZ amount while she's out of work that she will owe you back. That money should cover from when she quit work to when she'd be a month out from her due date.
So if her portion of bills was $1000 and she's currently 2.5 months pregnant then she'd owe 6 months of that amount. $6000 loan she owes back to you.
This wasn't a planned baby in marriage and she didn't clear quitting with you. If she was paying with savings this would be different. She owes you that amount. You need a notarized loan written up stating you're covering that much of her bills to be paid back to you.
I know right , don’t understand why he would call her a borderline sex worker when he could have just said a prostitute
Oh, I would NEVER go there. That's not an option. I guess I'm OVER thinking it's going to be a much more formal party, with everything a party entails, instead of “a few guys, having some beers” and I'm honestly just so happy for him, that I want to celebrate him too. But, either way, it's his time and it's really never about him, so I want him to have a great time the way he wants it. ? those bastards just get to do it first! ??
Firstly, I’m sorry that someone has made you feel this worthless. Your lack of self esteem, self respect and bad mental health are more than likely being cause by this person.
I hope you read your post back and realise how disgusting and inappropriate this persons behaviour is. You deserve better, but you need to believe that you deserve better.
Being alone is 1090% better for you than continuing in this situationship. You will not be alone forever, you are young and there are so many wonderful people out there that you haven’t even met yet.
Leave, without a second thought. Get out of that toxic environment and remember what a great person you are, how much your family love you and your friends care about you.
Because you shouldn’t have much in common with someone 6 years your junior at 24. At your age you should be talking about university or work or getting your own house etc. At 18, he’s pretty much fresh out of school. It’s weird. Just trust the majority of people in the Reddit page.
Weed certainly is addictive. I work in addiction and withdrawal includes irritability, nausea, low appetite, restlessness.
It sounds like you're uncomfortable about this and I think it's really important to note that it's ok to be uncomfortable about this, both myself and a lot of my friends have boundaries that actively include things like strip clubs.
You, ultimately, have to decide how you feel about strip clubs and your partner going to them and you have to have a really open, honest conversation with your partner about that.
Age gap is only a thing if you make it one. What does it matter if she was mature and he was immature. Or he groomed her and she doesn't want to talk about it. It was before you don't make it an issue.
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Hey I’m sorry this isn’t meant to sound rude at all but a genuine question.
How does people having a preference making them homophobic?
Not him. He is homophobic for the comment he made, but I was wondering if that made normal people ( not him) homophobic.
Hi gal, I [28F] was in a similar situation to yourself in my early twenties – South Asian gal with an upper middle class white boyfriend whose family, although weren't outwardly racist, definitely made me feel othered.
Although we didn't break up for that reason, looking back now, I know that I saved myself a lot of heartache by not having to even attempt to teach them parts of who I am/heritage/culture – the awkwardness may have killed them off.
If they can't respect you enough to learn your name, how will the rest of your life go? How will you navigate a wedding, parenting mixed children, celebrating cultural festivals or holidays in your own home?
I am now in a relationship with a white man who actively learns about, respects and defends every part of my culture. I think the problem here is that your boyfriend hasn't done that, he likely doesn't know how to and may not have the desire to challenge his family, especially if they have a stiff upper lip.
Going forward, the question is: do you want to put in the emotional labour of teaching him, when, where, how, why and to whom he needs to teach and defend who you are?
I'm sure your boyfriend is a wonderful guy, you wouldn't have put in 6 years otherwise. However, evaluate if you think that he's the type of person that will be receptive to learning and is proactive in supporting you. I'm glad you've said that you're willing to break it off for your family, don't get stuck in the sunken cost fallacy.
Good luck! ✨
I think you just aged out of what he’s into. Maybe once you hit 24 he just doesn’t want to continue things. Younger women are better for content creation.
she called me randomly yesterday about how she was so sad and she wanted to see me, but she shouldn't because my roommates would think its weird if she came. I wanted her to come over so I can give a final verdict. I wanted to tell her, you can either block this guy and admit you cheated and we can maybe repair things. Or blow it up call her a cheater and a liar and that I never want to see or hear of her again. I ended up saying no I work and left it at that.
The age difference of 4 years isn't what causes people to feel grossed out lol. People that are 28 are much more likely to be more settled in life than a 24 yr old.
I'm 24 and my age limit on dating apps is set to 2 years older than me and 3 years younger than me, and in real life, I would be grossed out if anyone above 27 flirted with me. I'm still developing and I haven't had a whole lot of life experiences yet outside of schooling. I'm not interested in someone that's on avg had all of those experiences already and more. If someone that's 28 were to approach me, knowing my age, I'd view it as them being immature. It feels weird to lots of people in their younger 20s when someone that's almost or IS 30 hits on them, and it's def not odd for us to feel this way.
It's creepy af that a 28 year old guy is taking sexual interest in an 18 year old girl. It might not be illegal but it's called grooming. You are obviously at a different stage of life where you looking to settle down and she entered adulthood.
Try to be in relationship with girls close to your age and not someone who is barley out of their teens.
Why are you reposting part of the OPs comments In Your comments? I’m sure it is t necessary if you are commenting under the said comment.
Thank you. I appreciate all that you said.
It's over because you didn't stand up for yourself. I've never heard of someone just rolling over like this. Are you ok? Are you depressed or something?
And I said in my post i agreed OP was wrong. I was replying specifically to the part in your post where you said you've seen this statement before. I was telling you that I do not think that statement usually means each person is required to clean and cook for themselves.
I think you're completely overreacting to what's ultimately a non-issue. It's dumb, but ultimately harmless.
Having said that, at the end of the day, your feelings are your own. You're entitled to tell him that it upset you and that you'd appreciate he not do that again. His attempt at “logic” isn't logic at all, and it's honestly really shitty.
So talk about all of that from a bigger perspective and go from there. Good luck.
If you were in his shoes, would you have handled it differently?
Yep, I wouldn't have bothered staying the night, but maybe he needed the sleep and didn't feel safe to drive
I'm sorry you've been made to believe you are only worthy if you please your mam sexually. You should never put another person's pleasure above your health and safety. You're comfort matters, please tell him you cannot continue.
Get the first month's allowance and then block him. At 30 he's a POS and knows you're the only person dumb enough to be with him. Sorry for how I worded that OP but that's the truth, he knows his empty words can work and that's why he's using them.
That's because you have no friends nearby, no money, and no resources. YOU have to plan your escape. You've been advised to call police & press assault charges to get him out of the house. You've been given links and phone numbers to DV hotlines and shelters. You've been advised to decline paying rent and take your paycheck to get out of the situation. These are realistic escape plans. No one has an immediate solution for you otherwise.
Thanks
“all good high value men cheat, all guys are always interested in multiple women even when in love with one, there’s no such thing as a good man that’s loyal because if he’s good then he has multiple options and all men will jump on their options.”
I call BS on that. Then again, I've been with a man who's loyal, good, financially stable and loving for a long time too (we've been married for almost 2 decades). 🙂 So I know that there are good men out there.
Also don't stay around on guys who refer themselves as 'high value'…omg. Ick.
Your ex wanted to normalize him cheating on you so you would be a doormat for him. Don't let that happen, OP. Keep your chin up, one day you'll meet the right person for you, compatible, loyal and loving. Don't worry.
Don’t let yourself be manipulated. That’s not what he said. He said he doesn’t like labels period.
Let him know that you’re happy to talk about it if he ever changes his mind, but as long as you’re single you’ll be doing whatever you like.
Very weird to me.
Everyone has different morals and values, everyone has a different “too far”
Is their relationship your business? No. But you asked because you don't condone infidelity, she's shown you she's totally okay with it.
Imo I'd probably distance myself from both of them, mostly cause they've shown who they are, they both knew the entire friendship was inappropriate, but also this has the chance of causing so much drama and I stability at work, it's why so many people say “don't shit where you eat”
You made a mistake in typing his age. He is really 12 not 22.
Good riddance to bad rubbish
Honestly, a year isn't that long at all after having a baby. The kid still practically lives on top of you, ten times over true is she's been/still is breast feeding and yeah, for a long while that does mean boobs aren't sexual, that cross over just doesn't work! She's probably touched out and burned out and needs time to feel herself and like an adult and like she owns her own body again.
If you want things to genuinely get better, because they definitely can, you need to stop centreing sex. Notice times your kid gets clingy and start picking them uo before your wife does, do more bed times and bath times. Allow food to start talking over milk as a main form of sustenance, give it time. Do nice things for your wife, make sure you are doing your share of household things. Appreciate her beauty not just look at her in way that 'still allows you to be turned on'. Engage with her on a personal level, flirt, cook her dinner, arrange dates. And do these things without expecting at the end of them you'll get sex.
But if she liked sex before, there's no reason she won't get back to that place so work and reflect on your own nihilistic thinking there, it won't do you any good. Recognise that no that long ago your wife's body went through a huge change, and is still changing and that unsurprisingly hanging out with a 1 year old isn't sexy and she just needs time and space where she can and once she feels like an adult and she owns her body again, she'll get back to where she was before.
she literally likes him and can't over it she doesn't care
i feel like if this was the opposite way around in the sense that he was wearing something that made her uncomfortable the comments would be so different LOL
Your husband is 25 and way too old to fall for something like that. I think he was actually having an affair, the woman found out about you, possibly blackmailed him, and then exposed him to everyone when he said no.
Once a day is a lot of masturbation
I’m not sure about the angling and such, but a lot of my friends have dnd on all the time. Throughout the day and weekends, not just when they’re home at night. I know this because whenever I text them it pops up.
Someone isn't being honest and upfront with you.
Polyamory…..she is self-conscious
You can't be both.
He def has issues and he's using yours against you.
I’m gonna try that if it persists tonight. Thanks for talking to me, I don’t want to take it to family or friends and taint how they feel ab the relationship. It’s rly naked.
All I’m sayin is I can’t sit through r*** scenes in any form of media. That’s just me. You don’t have to internalize it.
And this isn't sending red flags up in your brain?
This is a sign, dear. A giant Red Sign that says: “Exit”
Nah let it go. He made his point and it's a waste of time imo.
Going to add, no, she fucked up.
You can't force sex or intimacy, but you.can communicate your needs. I WOULD say you were sexually incompatible, but that's not what's happening here.
Has she always visited family/friends on off days? Genuinely, kicking you out is going to put EVERYTHING you did around the house onto her. There's no way she won't regret the way she's been acting. It sounds like she's been talking about her relationship issues with unsupportive people. She's demonizing you on what seems like a whim, and it's going to fuck her over.
that's waaay too soon, my wife and I dated someone very briefly and ended things after it became clear that she was ready to add herself to the marriage a month in. on our 2nd dayebwe met her mom and the next time we saw her she said “mom loved yoy guys and wants you to know you're invited to Thanksgiving next month”. diiiiiiiiipped lol absolutely not
That's deep. I don't know another word for it, I know that's normally you sarcastically, but I guess I mean to say that it's very insightful.
I guess the flip side would be that if she did not get it because I objected, it wouldn't make their friendship any less meaningful either. She's someone that loves her friends deeply, whether they dated his kids or not. And that's one thing that I love about her.
I try to, really I do. But her to do lists almost seem like a never ending game of wack-a-mole. One goes down and another pops up.
Or maybe even a hydra- cut off one head and two grow in its place.
The really discouraging thing is that wherever “meeting husbands needs” lands on her todo list, it seems like whenever something is new pops up, it goes in the queue ahead of it.
he groomed you, your comments make that incredibly clear
He's not an addict. He has a high libido but not being able to have sex everyday hasn't become a problem for him and he has never complained about it either. It was more about my own guilt.
I mean, all the other babies in that country are alive and thriving, right? Is your baby made of sugar? Or he just wants to use the baby as an excuse to not care for the infant while in vacations?
ok i guess she didn’t block me, i guess maybe her phone died. but anyways, she responded with it was nothing i said or did and she really enjoyed getting to know me and hopes there’s no bad blood. but i’m still having a naked time accepting that. i truly am not understanding how a human being can lead someone on this much, ask to kiss them WHILE being emotionally unavailable (that says a lot) and then just end things…
I’m surprised you have the time to post about this in between the sheer amount of porn you post regularly. That’s when you’re not asking how people with no hands wipe their ass or when you’re posting demands that people eat your ass of course.
If passers by believe this is a real post then Reddit has sank to new lows..
Men don’t have “higher sex drives” than women. Your dude just wants a free pass to bang someone else. My ex husband tried that one on me, along with asking for an “open marriage where he could do what he wanted”
But… but… but, my mental health, my well being, my life, my angst.
Just when it comes to one of the most important part of a relationship? Cmon.
Why can’t anyone just answer the damn question?? What is the child losing by not watching his mother be traumatized to the point of suicide? Seriously, answer this question for me.
I don’t know why you’re acting like it’s a given that a woman could heal from her trauma and coparent with her rapist. Clearly it isn’t. OP was working with a therapist while desperately fighting for her child in court. It’s not like she didn’t make any effort. She gave everything she had until the only thing left to give was her life itself. You keep ignoring that fact and rewriting the story to be that she just casually walked away without fighting. That’s not what happened. Perhaps you would understand better if you stopped imagining what a “better/stronger” person would have done instead and talked about the actual person and scenario at hand.
Positively!!
Leave her home, go and have fun and do not start to set any precedence where your future partners dictate who you are friends with.
Your friends acting like AH? Like what?
Delightful! He got what he deserved. If he didn't want you seeing other people he shouldn't have pressured you into an open relationship. Was it petty? Yep. Was it deserved? Yep. Will he ever do that to another partner? Nope.
I genuinely believe that holding on to hatred and anger destroys your soul. So yes, if you can forgive, it is very good for your mental health.
However, you don’t have to track him down and tell him. He doesn’t deserve absolution from you.
You can forgive him for yourself. For the freedom to let go and move on.
I just don't talk to her as much as I usually do when she gets back . So you don't control her, but you do punish her after the fact. Good job OP.
Then valentine's day came and she did not really do anything for me besides make me some french toast. I see, I see. Yeah ok. And what did you do for her?
I could look at her phone if it makes me feel better / decided to look at her messages while she was asleep. Why would you do that? You couldn't wait until a calm moment and say, 'Hey GF, I think I do want to look at your phone' and ask for it? Or discuss further? You just…?
To be fair to her it was only a couple of conversations since March. Since March? Like, over a year ago?
Pictures in which she could erase but chose not to it seems Yeah maybe they are good shots. I have some nudes of myself and they are damn good. Why would I delete pictures of myself? Why is this some affront to you?
I could go on but whatever.
Just break up so she can find someone else.
Take your husband with you, you can talk in private, but you should not be meeting without him there
That is fucking condescending and I don't think i could recover from that amount of disrespect tbh. Dude acts like a child, u deserve better.
That’s abuse. Run.
My god, I absolutely hate him. If he has been with you for this long, he should love everything about you and your connection. Obviously looks factor in but everyone changes and gets older so he needs to grow up. He’s hyper focusing on how this will change your body but that’s just insane. It sounds like he just likes the image of you instead of the real you. You sound awesome and strong so I hope he gets it or gets out.
Yeah he just thought he could say those things to you and go on his merry way. He didn’t count on there being consequences, now he sees there are and he is shocked. I would not go to any therapy with someone like him. It probably wouldn’t hurt for you to go to help see your way through this. Keep separating things as if you were divorced and you should see an attorney to know your rights and what you should and shouldn’t do. I would actually divorce him now before the babies were born.
She hung out and danced and cozied up with a guy who was taunting you in front of her. Why do you like her? She was actively disrespecting you while you sat and watched. Then she asked you what was wrong. She's pushing your buttons and letting other people push your buttons. You don't do that to people you love.
Dude you have to stop this now before she takes further advantage of you. Same goes with other people if this happens again do not let them walk all over you.
Yeah idk the boyfriend might be an ass but if someone who I knew to already have severe mental health issues was claiming they were having paranormal experiences I would also think they were suffering psychosis.
Yeah idk the boyfriend might be an ass but if someone who I knew to already have severe mental health issues was claiming they were having paranormal experiences I would also think they were suffering psychosis.
It is cold for Phoenix. Jfc it’s surprising cold. It’s been warner in Nashville though here you have to check outside to find what season it is . It was damn near 80 a few days ago only to drop drastically. Fireplace is burning right now.
She sounds like an arrogant wanker… can't be that smart to have a kind, sensitive and supportive partner and treat them how she does can ya.
That's why you don't marry men who are old enough to be your own father if you want kids.
Find someone who's on the same page and who won't be pushing 70 when the kid's in highschool.
I totally get that. We’ve been friends for 8 years and we also weren’t in a position where we could settle down away from each other even if we wanted to. I appreciate the insight
It’s funny how trashy of a person this post makes you out to be
It’s funny how trashy of a person this post makes you out to be
This is what therapy, individual and couples therapy is for.
A likely profoundly unpopular opinion on here: but she is deeply selfish for revealing this information now. If she has been a loyal partner for the past six years, and had two transgressions when she was 19 with the guy she lost her virginity with…. She just shouldn’t have said anything.
Young people make terrible awful mistakes. In fact, they scientifically are demonstrated to be wired to make more mistakes. Is she a horrible deceitful misleading and amoral/immoral person? Possibly. But maybe she was just young and stupid.
The challenge of our current society is that is it demands total transparency and total intolerance for mistakes. This isn’t viable. She should have been silent and learned that something she did twice at 19 isn’t the defining flaw in her future marriage to you.
I know you must be deeply deeply hurt. And I definitely can understand that you wouldn’t be excited about marrying your partner now. So therapy for you would probably be helpful.
If you decide you still want to spend the rest of your life with her, then you’re going to need couple counselling before you move forward. Not because she cheated twice six years ago. But because she decided to reveal that fact to you just as you both started to discuss your future forever life.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your entire life has been thrown up in the air like this. It doesn’t have to be the end of the end of this relationship but it does have to be the start of a new chapter of it.
It makes absolute sense that you do and from your messages I’m getting that you have put up guards so as to not make real connections with people, while this is a basic human need. So I urge you to explore what’s leading to that and how you can work on that, with a therapist.
She is not overweight. She used to be a bit overweight when she was younger, but puberty fixed that. I would say she's slim, maybe slim thick. It's no belly, all ass, some thighs. We believe the gallstones problem has been a slowly compounding issue from birth control and stress. Seems that's about when everything kinda started. A couple of months into birth control it was occasional vomiting once a week but was always pushed off as stress by doctors. Now 4 years later she can't eat or even drink water very fast without feeling sick. Compound it again with being pregnant and she almost can't function. We have been to doctor after doctor and they always blamed it on she pregnant but never was. This was the first time they told us she was actually pregnant and we didn't believe them cause they have said it for 4 years. This time it was true. But they actually found the real problem which was the gallbladder too this time so that why everything has been upsetting cause we have had like 6-8 opinions and nobody could find anything until now and conveniently she's pregnant now that they finally figured out what was wrong with her GI tract.
As an addict, her breaking down is just her playing victim. I know it’s naked to watch someone you care about me a crying mess but I promise you it’s a manipulation tactic. Sorry brother. Check out al-anon for real advice that is better than getting help from a sub. Glad you reached out somewhere tho.
Would you rather have your kids grow up thinking a dead marriage with cheating is normal?
Would you rather have your kids grow up thinking a dead marriage with cheating is normal?
Honestly, it sounds like you're done. Stop supporting him. Don't help him financially or emotionally. He can get that support elsewhere. You don't have to put up with him being cold and distant and mean. Things won't get better. Spoken as someone who has been there where you are.
Honestly, it sounds like you're done. Stop supporting him. Don't help him financially or emotionally. He can get that support elsewhere. You don't have to put up with him being cold and distant and mean. Things won't get better. Spoken as someone who has been there where you are.
Wait.
I checked your post history.
Is this some revenge fanfiction fantasy?
My ex husband developed a fetish for anal after 25 years. I hated it but I put up with it for years. I found out after our divorce that he was having a longstanding affair & that was his idea of not cheating.
I personally would wait until a bit closer to the date. But you are welcome to discuss this with him now as another commenter said.
If it was me, i would casually bring up the option to veto one or two guests from each other's lists. And then decide on your veto closer to the date. This may come back to bite you though, so maybe stick with the open communication option lol
Find some adoptive/foster parent subs.
Take things slowly. You don't know this child and she doesn't know you. Start with visiting her and spending time with her, if time allows, and gradually transition into over nights and weekends.
Don't rush things. Adopted and foster kids will tell you one of the big problems is their new parents pushing the, “bog happy family, mom and dad,” thing.
Don't overwhelm her with big fancy things like trips and shopping sprees. Do quiet thongs together. Remember she will, likely, be overwhelmed herself. She is leaving the only home she knows.
Talk to her. Find out what she likes, who her friends are, etc.
When it comes to her staying at your house, let her make her room her space.
No matter what a mess her mother may be NEVER speak badly about her mother. Answer any questions as honestly as humanly possible with answers that are on her age level. Don't be afraid to tell her, “I don't know.”
Please help her maintain a relationship with her maternal family. Even if it's phone calls and FaceTime. Her grandma is the only parent she has ever known.
He is so deep in the closet he talks about how much he hates gay people all the time
How are you not embarrassed to type all this out?
Lmao! This is what I needed to hear.
Thankyou, I really appreciate that validation more than you know ! It's been tough. Me and him have been through alot..including a miscarriage..so ending things with him was not an easy thing for me. But I know it was the right call.
I’ve travelled with his friends before, I know what it’s like. I’m happy to go anywhere else with them. I just want to go to this place and do it the way I want to and with someone who also has never been.
These are my feelings, but they are probably silly feelings like most everyone is saying.
Soo you intentionally spoke to a random girl, intentionally got her contact details, intentionally met up with her on your solo trip overseas, to intentionally take her out on a romantic dinner date by the Eiffel towel. Fuck off with your excuses lol ?? I feel for your gf
Just drop her dude
Noted! Luckily we do already have a second date planned.
I‘ve definitely been keeping all of these thoughts to myself and now with Reddit as well.. this has helped definitely helped to gain perspective.
I need to slow tf down