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I was in 5he boyfriends situation last year with a girl I was seeing for months. We already had been really close and did special things together and she planned a trip to Paris together.
But she hooked up with the guy she said wasn't an issue.
It destroyed me and I couldn't get past it and she never tried to fix things and she never saw how much she hurt me
On one hand, he's definitely being a bit insecure. But on another, what do you have to gain from not blocking him? Is there a reason you declined? Do you like the attention from outside your relationship, or is it just that you don't like him basically “forcing” you to block him?
He said “I know one of you is lying”, meaning it wasn't necessarily you. This gives him the out to act like he never accused you directly. He's playing with the technicality to avoid that any reasonable person would consider this an accusation. By leaving that wiggle room he can make you feel like you're in the wrong for taking it that way, even though it's very obviously the intention of his words at that time or at least how anyone would interpret a situation like that.
He stood you in a room with his mother and said one of you is lying, one of you is winding him up, but now wants to act like it's not an accusation and it's all your fault for taking it that way.
You lost me at the winks
That doesn’t matter. Just use all these comments and make a decision about YOUR car and YOUR boundaries. That’s not controlling. Taking someone else’s car for indefinite times and being elusive and vague in communication is much more controlling.
Your dad and bf suck right now but you can at least choose a new boyfriend.
I’m a guy and I find this setup bizarre.
I feel you. It is rough. Especially coming out of a terrible marriage.
I'm your age and started thinking about dating a few years ago. Dipped my toes in the water sometime later and freaked the heck out. Just creeps and weirdos matching me and shitting in my inbox, basically. No, I don't want to be your secret hotel hookup. No, my idea of “having fun” isn't just sex. No, I'm not interested in pictures of your weiner. No, I don't think it's cute that you asked me a get-to-know-you question and then told me my answer was stupid. Fuuuuuck that shit.
I almost gave up and was thinking being single really was just fine with me when I happened to match with someone who seemed promising. I was very skittish but we started talking, things clicked, we met up, and ended up falling ridiculously in love. He's a fantastic and wonderful person and totally worth slogging through the mucky pond kicking away mud suckers until I found him. I am glad I stuck it out just a bit longer so I could meet him.
Since you're already thinking it might not be so bad to stay single, my advice is to be REALLY picky about who you match with and even pickier about who you meet. Be forthright and blunt about what you want and what you expect from dating. Be upfront that you're not interested in hookups and that you will not be having sex until you're good and ready. A lot of the people not worth your time will self select out of the pool and save you a lot of time. And those you do connect with, be ready to disconnect the very first time they disrespect the boundaries you've set. When you make something very clear and someone bulldozes right over the line, take that as an indication of their character and don't bother with second chances.
Just keep saying no until someone comes along who is really worth saying yes to. They're out there.
You mean do not pick my ex?
Next time don’t go to a date if the other person doesn’t respond that day. Not blaming u at all just a tip. And I think that you should give him another chance to make it up to you, if he is not entirely apologetic then just move on no loss
As others have stated, get the blister pack. If she claims it’s more expensive, offer to buy them for her.
Can you move the cat food?
If none of the above are feasible, then ask yourself why you are with a person who would not make a small accommodation over something they felt that strongly about, whether they themselves did or not. There is a small coat on her part to satisfy your request, whether she feels it’s reasonable or not. If she’s not willing to compromise on this, what does that portend for your future when, inevitably, you will have times where much greater needs or demands arise? That’s what this is about. She can’t do this for you even though you feel so strongly about it? And doesn’t realize that going back to her previous behavior is a major “fuck you”? Not good, my friend.
Thanks alot mate. This gave me alot of insight. My heads just messed up and all around. Been overthinking a lot on it but now I realize what I've made is a good decision for me and for her. Time will tell
Wow, with friends like this… no need for enemies right!! Good thing you and your partner have a very solid, trusting relationship, and spend a lot of time together… can you imagine the destruction that this could cause if you traveled a lot for work, or if there were already some trust issues. How can someone think that messing with someone this way is a funny prank?
At first I was thinking that your friend was just being manipulated by his fiancé who is clearly emotionally abusive and trying to get with his friends right in front of his face. However, the fact that he tried really naked to get you alone for a “guy's night” on the same night that the “cheating” was to occur, that tells us that he was likely in on the plan. Even if this was not the case and his fiancé was trying to press him into a guy's night, at some point after hearing of her antics he had to have figured out he was being manipulated into getting you away from your wife for an evening. And instead of being angry with her and profusely apologizing to you, he ghosts you. Some friend. I think you need to unfortunately cut your losses with your friend. He clearly chose his unhinged fiancé over his long-term best friend. As for whether or not you should press charges. She'd certainly deserve it and having real consequences might make her think twice about messing with you, or anyone else, again. Of course, if you'd rather just wash your hands of them and move on away from the drama without pressing charges, I wouldn't blame you. They sound annoying and exhausting to deal with.
Yeah, idk if this is the reason but okay..what does he think when U tell him u find “other men really naked?” (Using the wording from ur own comment).
why are you getting surgery for someone else…this is sad
I mean…you said yourself that you wanted to punish them. How do you not see that is problematic? I'm a married person who does most of the cooking, and I've cooked many a meal when I was annoyed AF at my husband. I've never not cooked for him to “punish” him because it's a small and petty thing to do and that's not how you treat someone you love.
It sounds like a lot work for very little return. Self conscious guys don't get better because of anything you do differently, they need to fix themselves. Meanwhile, you're in a different town eating alone and have no chance of making a real connection with a real person. This doesn't sound viable to me.
Annie's a dumbass. You're fine OP. These are all considerate, kind, thoughtful gestures. If you were doing them for the purpose of manipulating your EX, then yes, that would be love bombing…but if you're just doing it to help and support them, then you're a kind and thoughtful partner.
You mean you have been 4 years hoping to convince her to have sex with you?
Dude, leave. She is into different things than you are.
I personally couldn’t marry someone without first having finetuned our sex languages, that’s also how you know if a person is giving and generous (imo). But that’s me, and I’m not the one dating her, I have also met guys who were into hugging and holding hands and giving massages and not just sex. She would be compatible with them while feeling good about her beliefs.
Do not push her, and do not lie to her. If it isn’t what you want then leave.
She’s a teenage girl. Teenage girls get hormonal and grumpy for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
The good thing is that she should be growing out of it soon so if you can just hang in there for a bit longer then you’ll be fine.
Just tell her you feel like she needs some alone time next time she takes it out on you, and tell her to catch up when she’s had some time to chill. Then leave her alone.
Do you give her gifts every time he has a teenage grump? If so then you’re just enabling her. Stop doing that.
What do you do?
I think you did it! Hopefully you're at his house and you can dip.and ghost his cheating ass.
Love isn't enough. She needs time and closeness with you that your parents are blocking. The fair thing for both of you is to break up cleanly and grieve what couldn't be. She is hurting herself as much as you by not having that clean break.
Another long ass post that boils down to “I'm a very young naive person that has ignored every single peice of advice given to avoid older men, so anyways I obviously won't listen to anyone about this relationship being horrible and won't leave this abusive POS, so what other advice will you give me?”
Leave.
And no person above 22 that's worth anything is going to look twice at a 19 year old. 29? Seriously? He's trash. Dump him. No 29 year old that dates a 19 year old will be a good person.
What? She tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
~ Eminem
lol
Unless you are ready to talk about sex your marriage will continue to suffer and maybe come to an end. It is VERY difficult but as a guy ready to work in war zones – use your experience and talk – this is important
Does he post about you live!? Or are you hidden on there as well
Honestly, it sounds like avoidance is ideal from his actions and from what everyone else is saying about him. I would appease the bf and just not even go there. No need to be rude, just excuse yourself and say you have to run to the loo or you see someone you must talk to and leave.
Do people still have sleep overs at that age?
I agree with you that ideally you should find out if your partner has unreasonable boundaries before marriage.
The other stuff: yeah I know she was unaware. But I don't think that's a big deal because it's jus a ride home.
Yes I agree. I cut my hair super short once just because I was idolising that masculine look. Short hair, side fade, light to medium shaped stubble. She was not happy to see that cut, but she said it looked more manly, but still preferred my longer hair. I would not do it again!
Ok so then it was just about his reputation and guilt
I don’t know how you’ve accepted being your wife’s roommate for 10 years. I’m sorry to sound cold but you seem so useless to her. You deserve to have a real partner. I’m not sure how you haven’t demanded a divorce a long time ago, just to get back some sense of normalcy.
Chill out. Her reaction didn't at all sound impressed like she liked what she saw. It sounded like just shock and like it looked too big to be real.
You obviously can’t stop them from making changes, so letting them is a strange turn of phrase. You can say that you feel they’ve been a bit distant and that you miss the closeness that you once shared. But. People change and friendships change. Is it possible that they are putting more of their energy elsewhere? I think this probably has a lot to do with those unexplored feelings.
You obviously can’t stop them from making changes, so letting them is a strange turn of phrase. You can say that you feel they’ve been a bit distant and that you miss the closeness that you once shared. But. People change and friendships change. Is it possible that they are putting more of their energy elsewhere? I think this probably has a lot to do with those unexplored feelings.
“Talking” but you buy condoms? Leave their relationship alone, stop talking to him. Clearly you want to do more with him and don't care about his relationship, it makes you a bad person
Ive never posted on reddit before but im so glad I did. Thank you all, you guys are the best. I had a great night and so did he, he came home earlier than expected and we had a great night together too❤️
She works small time gigs doing merch for events like concerts. She was talking about how miserable it would be at my house for hours and to my part I understood so I helped her get situated at her own home. She’s getting a job at a hospital next week. She’s out of town working right now and doesn’t get back until Monday.
She said she doesn't want to live! in “an older apartment”. My standards are low and I'm extremely flexible. There are no places up to her standards within her price range, and she expects me to pay the difference.
It sounds like you are remorseful and want to improve your relationship with your wife. Telling her you had an affair is not how you go about that. So unless part of your plan is to get a divorce, keep that info to yourself and get yourself into therapy. Talking it out from start to finish may help you resolve any lingering issues.
What would you have him do? His wife does not to have sex. He can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. All he can do is control himself.
Go for a lawyer rather u lose out more.. this will hasten the process.. if she wants to play dollars amd cents u do the same..
Why the fuck are you even in contact with such family?
Agreed! If he's acting like he's got a live-in maid service now, odds are this is just gonna be her life until one of them dies. I've seen it I don't know how many times. Some men just refuse to lift a finger around the house and literally nothing you can say or do will convince them that you also deserve to sit down and relax once in a while
I feel like OP knows he’s about to blow up his marriage and wants sympathy points from the internet where everyone pats him on the back for it.
Do what you gotta do, but understand this is a violation of the commitment you made to your wife, OP. She made it clear she doesn’t want kids, why would she want to raise someone else’s?
You haven’t been the only single person travelling with couples i take it.
That's what I grew up with too. My dad would always butt slap my mom at home, whenever he passes by her in the kitchen or laundry, so I was kinda conditioned to think it's normal at home. Tiktoks about relationships also has lots of videos like this. I don't mind it at first, but it just became “too much” recently.
I love this guy and I've been working on “physical touch”, I just worry it might be too much in the future.
Just let him know you don't think things will work between you two and leave it at that. But it is generally good practice to be upfront about a lack of desire to continue talking unless they've done something to make you uncomfortable.
Kick him to the curb.
Tell them.
Is this issue the whole thing? Or indicative of all sorts of other things?
If it’s pretty much the only big thing… maybe try Factor or pre-prepped meals some of the time. You can choose vegetarian ones for yourself, you won’t have to always cook, it’s cheaper than takeout, and easy to split the cost when you order a week at once.
Rehome husband.
Talk to husbands co-worker one last time. Tell, it's your late fathers cat. By no means you will give up on it. If cat not returned today, you will envorce returning of your goods, as your husband committed a theft and co-worker will be in for knowingly keeping stolen goods.
Get police involved.
Children don't have to be abusive when coming from abuse of homes. I didn't say he was abusive; I said he is toxic. He could have called his mother or gone over to talk with her – WITH OP – to get to the bottom of the situation. Where on earth did you get anything about his brother?? OP never even mentions that her ex has a brother. How did the ex prove that the accusations were false by the way; by just saying “oh no that's not true”?? That is not proof of anything!! You know what you can do with a narcissistic parent?? CUT THEM OFF!! Cut them right out of your life. I'm saying your glorifying abuse – from the mother to be specific – because that's exactly what you're doing. You are glorifying toxicity – from both the son and the mother -as if it's completely okay. How was the ex supposed to prove that what his mother was saying isn't true?? How is OP supposed to trust that something like this won't happen again and or won't actually become reality?? Meaning how is OP supposed to trust without a shadow of a doubt that her ex will start being physically abusive?? How is she supposed to feel safe after this?? Honestly, that doesn't make any sense. She didn't just automatically believe everything; she confronted him about it and when he was dodgy about the entire situation and wanted to just gloss over it like it was no big deal; that's when alarm bells went off even more for her. That's when she questioned the truth of the matter.
You and I are definitely not going to agree here. OP isn't wrong to end things with someone she no longer feels safe with. Tbh isn't required to justify why she left him regardless of what ANYONE thinks. She doesn't HAVE to stay to “hear him out” or anything like that. Even if she did believe the accusations to be false. The moment she no longer felt safe in the relationship was the end of that relationship.
You are intentionally misinterpreting my post. You have an agenda, I get it. I personally I think OP would be much happier in a same sex relationship, she doesn’t understand him, and he is a large child so should be home with his mommy.
I didn’t. He asked for advice and I gave that to him. Maybe I did like him when we were friends but when he told me he had a girlfriend, I backed off
He probably doesn't find you very attractive. You shouldn't continue that relationship. It's a factor they don't tell people oftenly, people have different levels of attractiveness.