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So, yes. These are selfish behaviours and yes, people can be manipulative without realizing it (because they are selfish).
My biggest concern about your post is that it seems you're willing to put up with this because she has a
willingness to get better
You should be with someone for who they are and how they treat you, not for who you want them to be.
“The therapy isn’t working “
I believe there is always hope but it requires both parties to be open, honest and willing to work towards fixing things. I think the lying will hang over you. And unless you can come to terms with it and move passed it, it will hold you back.
Nah dude, my first bf was 23 and I started dating him at 18. I'm 23 now and VERY different from how I was at 18. Behaviors I found acceptable or excusable then wouldn't have a snowflakes chance in hell with me nowadays.
I wouldn't go as far as to say it's “creepy” but like, there's a reason they can't get a woman their own age. Women, even just a few years older than 18, know a lot more about life and how they should be treated than 18-19 year olds