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Then don’t parent him because this is the dynamic it’s turning into if you have to keep calling him out on things too much.
I would with compassionate energy, encouragement towards therapy cause a lot of veterans do go through the ringer when active. So that can contribute to burnout.
And if he is on the spectrum, as someone with ADHD & ASD (no support needs), you may have an uphill battle if you don’t use direct logical communication and kindness to get the point across, because emotional language may not be registering to him cause he may not be registering things if he doesn’t understand his own emotions fully.
I think you can talk to your partner about opening up to each other. What's the point of a relationship if you can't be each other's rock?
I get some people get really tired and want to just relax, but it shouldn't be all the time and never talk about things with their partner