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This is honestly, to me, what the dad did wasn't wrong, nor was it right either. Does the girl not deserve to see her father?
If the dad is the one making money, what he do with it have nothing to do with his wife, as long as he able to support everyone, he is fine.
Honesty it's OP mentality that I'm worrying about.
Your dad isn't a bastard, he just trying to do the right thing. He may have knock someone else up, but the child that is born from it have nothing to do with it. She too, deserve love.
You should free your current boyfriend so he can find someone that makes him feel loved and safe.
You two have spent a lifetime together. And during that timeline, people grow and change.
You two developed into completely seperate people. With different preferences and personalities.
Just because you're one way, doesn't mean her way is wrong.
And for that, it makes me question how invested in this relationship you are…
Its okay to break up.
However, if you're staying. Her flaws, should not be someone you point out to her face and go “You do xyz wrong and that bothers me”… From the sounds of it, she has been through some trauma and is merely just trying to survive.
In relationships, you learn to adapt and work around each-others flaws. You accept the bad with the good. The complete package, not just half of it.
Obviously, there are ALOT of disconnects in your relationship. If you're staying and want to tune things, its better to take baby steps with someone whose been through trauma. Dumping a whole load of stuff you want to correct… that is overwhelming. Take everything one step at a time.
Sounds like you're somewhat checked out already, which is fine. Not an issue there. But I think you need to commit more one way or the do the other (break up). Half-in, half-out… the results are usually instability.