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Your family and friends have a lot of nerve putting expectations on you when you're not even married to your partner. But we teach people how to treat us. It sounds like your partner is a kind and generous man. Would this be easier for you if you remind yourself that you're not being kind to him by removing his ability to decide how to spend his money?
Realistically, it's going to be hot to draw these boundaries at first. You may want to enlist your partner to back you up (not to blame for “not letting you” spend the money, which would be unfair to him, but to say things like “We've been trying to keep to a budget for gifts” or “We've been examining our financial priorities and we're cutting back on dining out”). Just consistent messaging.
I would do a combination of things:
1) set boundaries and expectations for things like gifts up front. “What would the kids like for Christmas? I'm budgeting $X per child and $Y for adults this year”. If you're going out to a meal with your siblings, don't agree to go to expensive places and ask for separate checks up front, or ask your sibling to pay and send them the money. Don't agree to pay for things like parties. There will probably be an “extinction burst” where they ask you for EVEN MORE stuff to see what they can get you to take on, but if you hold firm they will eventually stop asking.
If you want, you can redirect the money for expensive gifts and “stuff” into educational funds for the kids, so that you're still using your resources to benefit the family but you're not setting expectations for material goods. (And let's face it, they're going to come to you when it's time for college anyway, might as well get ahead of it).
2) For your mom and her car payment…well, depending on your relationship with her and her ablity to work, you may either be stuck paying off the car (and then never agreeing to take on an expense like that again), or having a frank conversation with her about what her plans are for resuming work and taking the payment over again. It sounds like your mom has decided that you're her retirement plan, so you may also need to do some thinking about how you're going to manage that.
As her man, I have a certain sense of responsibility to protect her and guarantee her safety. I had no idea she was with her friends. I told her to leave with me because she was visisbily stumbling around like a fool with a large wad of cash in her hand. I don't know these girls well enough to trust her well-being in their hands.
hell no
you want to go through a very painful and expensive procedure just to maybe get more girls?
bruh are you dumb
also do you think that you will magically get girls when you become 5'11? the answer is no
my 5'6″ friend never had any issues with height and can easily get with girls because he is charming and confident af
does being taller help? yes, but its not everything
honestly if you dont get girls now at 5'7″ which isnt even THAT bad, being taller probably wont help you
you will just end up with destroyed legs and wasted money
Why did you make this post twice in the sub, but alter the stories? Are you A/B testing or something?
Nah you’re not the asshole, you have heart and you care and you have optimism for people and the future. I commend you for trying, but nothing compares to what he did to you straight up. I don’t know all the details obviously but what he did was horrible. All those what ifs are completely understandable to ask, you shouldn’t have to worry about all that and deal with all those emotions
I also had a hellish childhood and of course going back over there as a young married adult with young children was very hot. I always felt myself regressing back to that neglected scapegoated child. Add to that I married a guy who was later diagnosed with NPD a whopping three times! So naturally I do tend to jump to that diagnosis more quickly than others. Or maybe I just have a Masters degree in NPD cuz after my Ex was diagnosed and I started learning about the signs I realized my Dad was very likely NPD as well. For me, the absolute clincher for NPD diagnosis here is the fact that OP was literally frozen in fear after the initial fight and threat of divorce. The husband was both acting like everything was normal (“Dinners ready!” “Here, taste this”); but also criticizing every single move OP made completely ignoring that he threatened to divorce her on Christmas. And that kind of immobilizing terror doesn’t happen immediately, it’s a trauma response that happens after many many repeated experiences. So either OPs family was truly awful to her, and so she is more easily triggered, or OPs husband is truly abusive and awful. I’m going with the husband here.
I really don't have time to socialize since I am taking care of 2 kids. That's why I downloaded tinder, I told my partner about this as well. He and I met on tinder. And I was open about everything. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and even encouraged me to make friends.
I asked him if he was OK with it, he said yes. That's why I am confused.
Personally idk if I would be okay with it, but at least I would be honest about it.. am I being too naive? I genuinely would like to hear your opinion.
I'm inclined to agree. Even more so since he hasn't answered anyone asking questions similar to mine.
That sucks girl, I'm sorry. This guy is too all over the place for you to uproot yourself for imo. I say this has someone who's moved for 1 ldr and been in 2 others.
You would be making a huge sacrifice by coming here to be with him and he isn’t able to at least showcase a respectable amount of consistency.
Absolutely put any wedding and moving plans on pause at the very least, but personally I would leave him entirely. A man should be much more solid after 3 years with you.
Dump him.
Holy fuck! This sounds exhausting, I couldn’t even finish reading the whole post.
Is this how you want to on-line your life? Being under this level of control for having natural and normal thoughts… you can’t even watch a movie without it causing a massive fight?
Whatever you end up doing, I hope you can just online your life with people who help you flourish and grow, and not bring you down.
Awwwe, that sounds so precious! My husband is currently cooking, and I was definitely hugging him from behind, trying to walk around with him. ?
Imagine if your coworker accidentally left behind some belongings in your car and your wife found them. See how that looks? Why wouldn’t you mention that beforehand? Looks sus.
It definitely sounds like you are incompatible. Nothing wrong with that, these are major life goals you don’t share.
Also I will just tell you (although it’s not like Ohio is much better) even if a few years ago I might have considered it, now? Now I would literally never consider moving to the south if I was considering having children.
Masturbate and move on.
Unless you wanna spend the rest of your life paying child support because you for some reason have no control over your penis.
First, you need to ask her. In person.
Depending on the answer you know either:
The winds have shifted and your relationship is over.
You need to discover far more about yourself.
Glad too hear you both communicate, and that she told you the moment she felt that she had developed a crush. Honestly, you, and her, handled it perfectly. This is ultimately her responsibility to deal with so as long as she does what she feels is enough, and you're also comfortable with the steps she's taking, then you're both all good.
The only other thing you could say would be to ask her to check in with you if the situation changes, for better or for worse (worse as in this guy becomes more of an issue and hopefully not your fiancé), rinse and repeat the communication. Probably unneeded tbh considering how well you both communicate per your OP.
Well I never claimed that she didn't make any mistakes either.
And try not to claim my opinion as “arm-chair quarterbacking” in an effort to diminish its quality when we're all commenting on situations were weren't there for. All we can do is “arm-chair quarterback” so to call it that is only in a effort to demean one's opinion.
That aside… You seem to be taking the stance that nothing needs to change here, he did fine and his wife needs to deal. I wonder how that's gonna work out.
My stance is things need to change moving forward and if put in a similar position, he could do A B or C to get a better outcome between him and his wife.
With that perspective, do you still wanna hold your opinion?
I knew what cheating was before I knew what sex was. I can remember being four years old and watching my mom cry and both of them fighting. She stayed with him telling my two sisters and me that it was for us. Ask her three adult children if they wish they divorced? The three will say yes. Ask her three adult children if they have issues in their relationships, the answer is yes. Your decision will affect your kids, so think and choose wisely. Do you want them to have a fighting chance as adults in their own relationships?
She already knows you don’t want him there I’m sure. If she really is your best friend you just have to be honest. Talk to her in person and just lay it all out. It’s hot because people tend to take that stuff personally but if you have a solid relationship I’d just be honest. Just know she might tell you to fuck off and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Also consider the fact that he might be very possessive of her, he might give her a reallllly naked time about being at a destination wedding without him. He might accuse her of cheating or plotting to cheat. Maybe he’s put hands on her, we don’t know. By asking her not to invite him you may be putting her in a real tight spot, so if she decides not to go, make sure you let her know you completely understand. It might literally be a self preservation thing.
We on-line in sweden