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Nah he's actually enjoying hurting her.
My partner was clumsy when I met him and I used to have to guard my body a lot from him. I pushed back on it and he evolved a lot and we don't have this problem anymore. It wasn't coming from an abusive place in my situation. Its more that he was quite disconnected from his body and in his mind all the time. We have done a ton of work with a somatic therapist and breathwork and other modalities that have helped him feel himself more and I credit this (plus raising his awareness with good old words) to the change. If your partner is a decent guy broadly, I'd chalk it up to him being disconnected with his body rather than malicious. I'd recommend all of the above things that worked for us, and there will be other benefits for you aside from not having to live! on edge for your physical safety.
I just don’t understand how such a responsible and sound minded man can want this particularly as he is rich and I have nothing, surely he knows how much divorce would damage him?
Did he ask for a pre-nup?
Yes. She can not physically stop or prevent him from doing what he wants. But she is absolutely allowed to decide a relationship with someone willing to spend time with someone he knows has gone out of their way to hurt her is not what she signed up for
thank you so much, your so sweet ;~;
“Graping” Was there a bunch?
he agrees that kanye is out of line and stuff but he’s like mad that i have morals and don’t support these kinds of people.
He’ll regret it when the “influencer” sucks him dry of money. If he thinks she cares at all about him besides his money he is in for a rude awakening. Money cannot buy a good heart which you have, so even if he never expresses his regret, you will always be more wealthy than him for that alone
I just feel terrible for hitting someone I care about. I feel like I fucked up and hurt him in some way, like I'm an abuser, especially since he's been in incredibly toxic relationships in the past.
That's a pretty big red flag. I wouldn't want to be with anyone who needed reminding to be a decent human being, or to think of things from outside their own very singular perspective. The whole “I get to be the good guy and you get to be the meanie who crushes my kid's heart when you move in, yay!” thing is a real stomach-turner.
he probably got it to attract others since he knows how much you dislike it. I wouldnt let him know how much you despise it
Get an abortion. Seriously. Im saying this as someone who was a teen mom and had absolutely nothing in common with my child's father.
How did you unconvinced yourself?
I would just go with the innocent questions. You should tell your parents and sister how they act about your relationships makes you uncomfortable(if it does) you are 23 and it is none of their business. Just do your best to stay safe♥️
You do not want to parent with this man and you certainly don’t want your child going back and forth between you, with you trying to undo the things he is teaching that child.
In order to walk you must crawl, in order to crawl you must have the strength to move.
Try adding another chore. One that he can do slowly over the week. Organize the pantry do it shelf by shelf roe by roe.
May i ask if he has ever been tested for autism? This might explaine why he thinks he is doing alot. He is aware of the state of the house and be okay living in trash. He might genuinly be trying, but he doesn't neccisarily know how to start on something else, lr it might feel like to much. Giving him a smaller task that he can break down into even smaller taskes might help him.
Look up the dsm5 signs and symptoms first before you judge what i am saying.
Lmao yes to this answer
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Oh I completely know it was a petty thought, and I’m not sure. I think he kind of is being petty already.
Yes, I support you telling your gf about it. You can try to ensure the messages remain PG but there are. Lot of bad scenarios that could happen if your gf found out. She’d wonder why you hid it from her. Her friend might try to spin it that it was YOU coming on to HER or just blame you saying you initiated it. It all would look a lot worse than if you just saved the texts and showed your girlfriend and let her decide what to do. But she should appreciate you being upfront and honest with her. Will help her gain trust with you.
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Have you rules out that she's not being sexually abused by this 40 yo man she's staying with?
If you put her out on the street and she ends up hurt or worse your husband will be devastated. If you cam verify she is in a safe place and then talk to your husband about it some more. If she's safe she needs to learn to make it work with the other room mate.
I'll be honest though a 40 yo man letting a 22 yo woman stay with him for free? Sounds suspicious. Maybe she's tired of paying him with whatever she has if you catch my drift.
Lets not confused autism for assholism.
Stop making excuses. He doesn't love you liks you love him and the moment you don't fit what he wants hes out of there and blaming you for it.
You have destroyed your family with this decision.
You chose to do this.
The truth will come out.
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She is using you and it’s a comfortable life for her. She’s happy to have a roommate to help share the bills and help her family, instead of breaking up, be the “bad guy” and have to live! with someone she doesn’t know.
Yeah thats true
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m one of the only people who agree with you here. I said I would be very unhappy if my partner were doing it or someone else were doing it to me.
The phrasing of the post makes it sound like it was longer ago than it was. The point still remains however that people can change their behaviour and their beliefs. We know he has already changed one of those things, i.e. his behaviour. What’s unclear is whether his beliefs have changed. Unfortunately, given the way the original conversation went down, you may not be able to have that discussion with him now. The other thing you need to keep in mind is that people very rarely go straight from stopping a problematic behaviour to vehemently calling themselves out over it. They usually need to get some distance from the behaviour before they’re ready to say: “that was really gross of me and I shouldn’t have done it”.
Much of this is moot anyway. Even if everyone here agreed that it was wrong and gross, you’re unlikely to change his mind about this immediately or extract a genuine apology for something he did before he was dating you. You’ve got to decide here what’s important to you. You will never find a partner who shares all your values and ideologies. You just have to figure out which differences you’re willing to live! with.
On the other side, I don't feel that's something that needs to be shared. He was 16, it happened once. The fact he felt he owed you that shows how unforgiving people can be.
May karma find you.
Why don’t you ask him?
Thats the thing we need to remember in a relationship. We cant and shouldnt avoid confrontation no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.
Especially when the topic is something that one of you feels uncomfortable, wanna voice out and dislike.
Confront countless of time until he gets it and if he is mad without even considering why you even bring this up in the first place, then re-think if he really is the one for you?
You are not indecisive, you have your own views and thoughts like you rant out. It makes it seen that way bcos you are doing it for him. Cause you love him. Right?
If you avoid confrontation, this will forever be a grey area and a question. He NEEDS to know and understand your standpoint.
Hold up a second. Yes, hes allowed to FEEL angry but hes not allowed to ACT with violence or anything like that. Be safe.
Okay
Honestly I hope you have nothing to worry about. But your father got his concerns from somewhere.
You shouldn't engage in threesomes until you learn how to properly communicate in a relationship. When it started to go badly, you should have spoken up and stopped the threesome. You don't owe anyone anything (and the cost of not speaking up for your boundaries, has been you now feel destroyed by the threesome).
Threesome's can ****-up relationships if you're not careful, and I think you're finding out the hard way now.
The only way of salvaging this situation is to talk seriously honestly about your feelings and everything that went down (also, no more threesomes).
OP’s comments make it look even more fake than the original post!
First off, my husband exhibits extreme immaturity/lapses in judgement. Early on in our relationship, he slapped me across the face during an argument.
Why is there even a post after this? You said you knew should have left him. Don't ask internet strangers. Want me to be crass and honest? Only toddlers and abusers who have the potential to killing their partner lays their hands on someone. Either you're a predator (doubtful since you gave his age, and it's even older than you) or he has the potential to kill you. Is that how you want your story to end? On fucking dateline murder stories??
Out of curiosity, because I sound like a harsh bitch (to be fair, I am lucky to be alive because I sure didn't have the internet or the police help when I was calling 911 repeatedly to stop my ex from beating the shit out of me. Then, after I kicked him out and broke up he came back for me and tossed me down two flights of stairs bydragging me to them with my fucking hair in his hands. Broke my teeth. Broke my ankle, permanent damage to my ankle/foot, permanent damage to my Achilles tendon and right shoulder nerve damage, damaged left hip. Whole nine yards. I didn't have the internet. Cops were like wElL yOu sHoUlD hAvE lEfT him. Jfc. The cops wouldn't let me because they always kept bringing him the fuck back. Claiming despite it being my house, despite all bills in my name, and HIS ADDRESS BEING LISTED AT HIS MOTHERS HOUSE AND THEN HIS OTHER GF HOUSE I had the audacity to overlook some of the clothes that he left behind and good ple fucking CT says that, and that alone is the factor for allowing him in. This FEMALE police officer. JFC.
I read the rest of your post.
Get. The. Actual. Fuck. Out. Now.
Now. Now. Now.
I promise you, this won't end well. The two most dangerous times in a woman's life is when preganlnant and when she leaves her partner. Get the evidence. Bring it to the cops, the courts, his family, your family, everyone.
Take your child to the doctor. Explain all this. Then say, I was PHYSICALLY AFRAID FOR MY LIFE AND THE SAFETY OF MY CHILD SO I DIDNT COME IMMEDIATELY LUKE I SHOULD HAVE BUT I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, THIS IS MY CHILD. I WANT TO PROTECT HIM. IM SCARED.
HE HAS NOT CHANGED. TERMINATE AND GET THE FUCK OUT BACK TO YOUR FAMILY.
You are right. Since he was the one who wanted a break up and still be in contact with me, I liked the idea that I was important to him. Noted for future experiences.
I'm saying that she wasn't black out drunk, came to bed as she claims and your brother is a liar. Why would you believe someone who had more than one reason to lie to get back at you?
Time and place.
Same. These and the “I had an affair, married the affair partner, and realize I made a mistake and miss my wife!”
I agree
Short answer: NO
Long answer: HECK NO.
You aren’t ready to be in a serious relationship
Short answer: NO
Long answer: HECK NO.
Seems like you're trusting this coworker a whole lot…
yup he's gone. from the both of our lives.
dude she’s broken up with you, move ob
You are 100% right! Really tho, you have another woman in your car 3 days a week and somehow didn't mention it to your wife?? I think it's disrespectful and shows dishonest behavior. (There is no possible way I would ever have anyone in my car taking them anywhere 3 times a week and not mention it to my SO) Even if it is innocent, it certainly doesn't look like it now!
For now, I think this is that… I hope that in the future, it will be something more. Like I said in another comments, it's not rare for him to have this kind of relationships and this lead to nothing at all except lust. I'm afraid to be one name on a list…
Sometimes I wish my partner had more friends. Then I read posts like this and I remember being in situations with ex’s where friends became more important on a regular basis. This sucks.
Babe that's crazy. It's not disrespectful for an adult to go to see a friend without telling their parent. Please just go to your friend's whenever you want and don't tell him what you're doing. It's literally none of his business.
If you can access therapy I really think you need it as he's brainwashed you into thinking you owe him control over your life. It's literally abuse and you can't see it because he raised you this way. There's work to be done for you to get healthy. At the moment you're at massive risk of ending up in an abusive relationship. You will not be able to see red flags and abusers will pick up on that a mile off.
Sending love and strength.
I mean sure you can ask her to stop using the nickname but be prepared to give her an answer when she asks why. I personally would find it a bit weird if I were her
The irony is palpable.
Nobody cares
Wow. How did you predict people's reaction to your comment?
What was her reasoning behind confessing to the guy? What was their relationship like before hand? Any flirty texts or meeting outside work?
Sounds sketchy to me ngl
I’m under the impression that renovations typically pay for themselves in increasing the value of the house. And that you cannot put a price on visiting sick and dying family, especially your own parents. Mind your own business.
I swear this was posted before. Verbatim.
She feels as if I wasn’t content with her as a whole and her body, and as if I emotionally cheated but I didn’t have no type of ties to this, it’s just porn to me
Ditch him. This relationship has run its course. Even if he agreed to the marriage it will not work. Find someone who will joyfully marry you
I agree. Way to little information.
Yes, I did miss your point being about those very specific labels, and went off on a tangent. I see it, and yeah, that is pretty juvenile.
However,
I didn't say anything about maturity or growing
Uhuh.
I'm light-years different then I was in high-school. Just because you haven't changed much doesn't mean we all follow that path.
Your flat out wrong brother I'm sorry to hear you haven't changed much maybe you should expand your circle.
Maybe I'm missing a point again. Do tell me, how are these not comments on my presumed maturity level?
While you're at it, point out for me where I said use those labels myself, for you to jump there in the first place.
Milk production can be induced with certain medications and it‘s safe (certain dopamine antagonists). Maybe you could look into that and look for doctors that would/could provide assistance?
This was my first thought too. Couples where both people have the ability to produce milk still usually only have one parent who carried the child, and thus is producing milk and feeding the child directly from their breast. It's not transphobic to understand that, usually, someone needs to have recently been pregnant to produce milk naturally, and both parents can't both carry the same child inside them, no matter their gender or sex.
He didn't just lie the once. He lied over and over and over again.
When he made the plans with them, he was already planning out his lie.
When he told you he was going with his brother, he lied.
When he told you where he was going, he lied.
Every single day that passed between him planning the trip to yesterday, he lied.
When he got home and you asked about the trip, he lied.
He only came clean when you confronted him with the truth. He's probably still lying about something. In fact, you can almost guarantee it based upon his previous lies.
I don't blame you one bit for not trusting him. If you do decide to take him back, just know that it's going to take a lot of work on HIS part to gain back your trust and you will likely never be able to fully trust him ever again. If trust is something that's important to you in a relationship, know that he's already shown you how far he's willing to go to get what he wants without concern for your feelings.
Lol imagine asking this if for example she hated a specific ethnicity.
… She has every right to throw away your, “friendship,” over unwanted sexual advances, dude. She thought you were her FRIEND and all you viewed her as a potential sexual conquest. She's probably hurt and disgusted right now and rightfully so.
The most obvious is if you had sex with her go and get tested..
Snoring could lead to health problems. You ought to ask him to go to a doctor to have this addressed. You can search for the types of health problems to show him so he understands you concerns.
100% agree. He’s now trying to control who your friends are, and demonstrating that he doesn’t trust you in spite of having no reason to doubt you. I would be livid. Do not let him dictate who you can/can’t be friends with.
Can you give examples? It's hard to understand what you mean.
Sounds kind of weird honestly. If his budget is that tight he needs to sell his home and buy one he can afford. What are we taking like an extra 100 bucks for heat and warm water a month? Have fun with that one for the rest of your life if you stay together lol
Thank you for youd reply. I really appreciate it, it means alot. Can't stress this enough
Thank you for youd reply. I really appreciate it, it means alot. Can't stress this enough
I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for all the work you do for prevention. I'm just so sorry for the reason why.
I feel like if he wants to leave me then just tell me that. Everything else is just a mix of noise and his low self esteem. It’s like he’s trying to get me leave, right?
That’s why you said he’s being selfish and doesn’t respect me?
Take the test.
Scary is not knowing.
Hon, you're a child. Or at least you have the mental maturity of one. You're not listening to anything and you're going to end up with multiple babies from a gaggle of guys just like this because you've been warped into thinking this is the way. I pity you. Being a single mom is hard. And you're out here trying it with now two people (even if you didn't succeed the first time) who are both temporary people in your lifetime. If this guy is a predator as you suggest, then you're going to be all alone raising that kid.
Your boyfriend should definitely have your back more during these moments. He should also have a bit more empathy and think about how being exposed to these sorts of comments repeatedly might make you feel, instead of being like 'you dealt with it so it's no longer an issue' after you've call the perpetrator out yourself.
I would be seriously rethinking this relationship
but do we want to be exclusive for 40,50, 60 years
This is the question you ask and answer yourself before you put that ring on your spouse's finger and sign the certificate. You don't ambush your spouse after the fact and flip it around on them. If he had any doubts about this, it was his responsibility to address them and communicate it to you and to himself.
He's pushing you as much as he possibly can to see how far you'll bend. It sounds like you're already pushed over. I couldn't do it, OP. You already voiced to him how you felt and he ignored it and overrode it.
Did you sneak hard sauce into his food as part of the argument? Then you are responsible for his heartburn.
Did you show a flagrant disregard for his feelings? If so, you are responsible for your flagrant disregard of his feelings. But not his heartburn.
Did you express your own emotions truthfully and kindly, but in a way he didn’t like? No. You are not responsible for his reaction to feelings.
Well said.
It's been 25 years since I walked in on my ex-fiancee being horizontal with another dude.
It took a long while for the scar not to sear anew any time I thought about it or her in general. A mutual friend started telling me a year or so later that he had run into her on the commute – they were both in the same large city (away from me!) at that point. I told him: I'm OK with you chatting with her, whatever. I just don't want to know about it or her. EVER.
It continued to bother me whenever my brain decided to drudge that memory up for good times – well after I had met my now wife and married her.
I finally got over it by forgiving her in my heart for real. But I'd never want to be with her again.
I don't know how couples who do get past infidelity do it.
Yes, absolutely tell her.
It is absolutely true that some guys do this kind of thing out of pure curiosity, a kind of choose-your-own-adventure porn.
That doesn’t really get him off the hook for a ridiculously bad decision, though.
If the specific context of the texts leaves him easy ways of pulling the plug on the meetings, and if no money at all changed hands, I’d say he’s an idiot whose erotic curiosity got the better of him.
But only you can know whether his character is such that that would happen again if he says it won’t. My own feeling is that I’ve met relatively few people capable of doing it once who were not capable of doing it again. But I have met some.
Actually the fair amount is 81/19.
24k/124k = 19%
True. But I am also co owner. So I compromised and said he could move in with a time limit. So now where is my say as co owner?
No, you can't be a gay man and have any kind of real marriage with a woman.
Kinda sounds like she doesn’t want you to have any more kids either, with or without her.
I mean a vasectomy is way more simple than a tubal, but if you might want more kids, you absolutely should not do it. It isn’t always reversible.
Well good thing you aren’t married to your mom. This logically and logistically this doesn’t even make sense.
I am a Christian and I cringed when you said he was a good Christian man. Do you really believe Jesus acted this way? Him policing all your behaviors and finding no joy in your presence is not remotely Christian. It makes me so sad when people say this because it forms other’s opinions about Christianity in a very negative way. Think of the parable of the prodigal son. He would be the older brother. You do not have to live! like this.
I was in a similar situation as 22M disowning a 23F honorary sister after she falsely accused one of our friends of rape in an attempt to get back together with her boyfriend.
I just kept reminding myself of her saying that “If you love me, you’ll take my side”.
That’s how I keep her dead to me.
And yet, she never blocked him.
Your wife made the conscious decision to leave that door open. Sure, now that she snapped and told you the truth, she's showing regret. But where was that regret when she left the possibility for communication open for 3 years?
It's possible the other guy ghosted her and she wanted to continue the affair, so she left him unblocked. After so much time has passed she could have moved on and forgot about the fact he was never blocked.
Corrected* ?
Literally was gonna comment something similar, you beat me to it. Lol
Oh jeez, so that's the thing, she still doesn't realize the hole she's dug for herself and/or is assuming it'll magically solve itself. You can't build a future with someone like this.
Fraud: dad needs to keep an address (that he doesn’t live! at) for business and citizenship purposes. That’s trying to get around the rules regarding residency. That’s the kind of stuff you can get in big trouble for—in the US at least.
Next, dad is expecting that he can crash at the house whenever he needs to for whatever length of time he needs to. Not sure about you but I don’t want my in-laws just stopping by for an indefinite stay. And since this is part of the agreement, the OP can’t say no. So GF just would have to suck it up and have company whether she wants to or not.
You are the super hero in your own movie. You did what you had to in order to survive, you have a child that you are loving and taking care of, and you are looking towards their future. If everyone were able to handle life’s adversities as well as you have , this world would be a much more amazing place.
What she did is every bit as bad.
Anyway.
They need to separate as far away from one another, never contact each other and seek professional help.
I agree. The non-brits in this thread are so quick to jump to “she’s an alcoholic”?
I think it’s different for everyone. Before covid I would be on drinking every weekend. Now not so much but I’m still someone who thinks there’s no point of drinking if not to get drunk.
If she’s only getting pissed on weekends and it isn’t affecting other aspects of her life she isn’t an alcoholic. Alcoholics wish they could do that. The problem here is that it’s uncomfortable for OP.
I think I would say you can enjoy drink however you want but when we go out together it’d be nice for you to be able to keep pace with me. I think she should be doing that anyway out of respect cause who wants to carry their SO home every Sunday morning.
You've already been given advice that seems reasonable.
I have to ask, you're the least bit upset or betrayed by this? You were lied to for about a year and essentially used.
Block
Just edited it for clarity. I am in love with him. I was referencing that if someone is no longer happy in a relationship and has no real desire to resolve things, I feel that they should end things despite it being hard to do so. It's the compassionate and caring thing to do. Maybe I'm crazy for thinking that?
Thank you for your message.
Finding people to have sex with is actually quite challenging, which makes having sex with someone you've already had sex with an easy option.
However, the unresolved issues you are in therapy for, maybe you should focus on that, for now. I'm not sure that this will be “just sex” to you, it may be to him, but given the past between you two, this could spiral again.
It's up to your best judgment and perhaps something to discuss in therapy.
Are you able to figure out what he needs to do help with your bedroom? Positions, foreplay or maybe spending time together before doing the deed. If you aren't sure then it might be worth exploring that stuff. Not like you have anything else to lose at that point. It would be a larger issue if he's unwilling.
I've watched a lot of law and order. Offer him man 2, this usually gets them talking.
Sounds like you doing a great job! Keep being just room mates and when the lease is up. Block her from everywhere and move on. The key is to continue to be a great person and focus on self improvement.
By the time you move out she’ll be out of your head and you’ll be good
What the hell does free use mean? Omg these new terms are killing me
So many women do this & then wonder why their marriages/ relationships dont work out down the road. These types of stories are getting far to common
Technically they are roommates and partners.
My ex once insisted we watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre knowing I’m not a fan of horror movies. A while after the movie was over, he went outside to smoke. It was pitch black outside as it was pretty late and this son-of-a-bitch thought it would be funny to knock on the door and rev up the fucking chainsaw when I opened it. I. Was. Pissed. He used to do shit like that to me a lot because he thought it was funny to see me get mad or scared. But here’s the thing…he was doing it on purpose to get a reaction from me because he was an abusive jerk. You admitted that your husband was just being theatrical. I take this as he was just trying to add emphasis to his point in the conversation, and in no way intended to actually cause you physical harm (assuming he doesn’t abuse you in other ways). I’m not saying you shouldn’t have boundaries. But I don’t think it’s divorce worthy unless he continues to behave this way knowing you don’t like it.
Thank you for reply to my post, I am looking for other people to give me some opinions because I would prefer not to tell my friends about my personal problems or have the defend me because I am their friend.
He says that woman his age have never been able to give him the commitment and assurance that he needs in a relationship.
Yes, of course not.
A woman his age would most likely not be that open to his manipulations.
He's isolating you from your friends and family. He's planing on baby trapping you, that's his reason to get rid of your bc.
He doesn't want an equal partner. He wants someone that does as told, doesn't think for themselfs and has no way of escaping him, so that he can do as he pleases.
Think really hard about what you want from your life. If you are ok with being a ban*maid, go on and stay witb him.
Why'd you say it was all good? Did you get it checked out first?
You arent entitled to his time. Youre 18 and have been dating 3 weeks. Great job making sure it doesn't last! Hope he breaks up with you. That is assault. Wtf is wrong with you? Did your parents not teach you that violence isn't the way to handle your feelings?
Yup. I'm sure people report some success with penis enlargement but numbness/nerve damage means he needs to stop for a long time.
Best comment here, she likely got hit by a bus
Not enough detail for any of us to say.
Jail can be an eye opener and make people want to change. Sometimes. But even if they want to, doesn't mean they'll be any good at it.
Repetition is more likely than anything else. Keep doing the same things, keep getting the same results.
Meh. He's back in contact because he's single and not talking to anyone at the moment. Ignore him.
OP, don't be sad, you dodged a bullet.
Almost all my friends don't care about the age gap but more so care about my well-being as well as making sure I feel comfortable with the relationship, a lot of them think that he just doesn't seem like a good fit for me
Cheating is not something that depends on the circumstances, it's a character flaw.
If she had said that she can't promise to love you and be with you forever, that it is something that you choose every day, that would make more sense.
She is telling you who she is, so trust her when she says she will cheat on you.
At the very least, cancel the wedding until you feel you can trust her, if you ever get there.
At the very least, cancel the wedding until you feel you can trust her, if you ever get there.
I have said they are different things a gazillion ways and you are purposefully not understanding me at this point.
Have you considered that you may be incompatible? He doesn’t care about this like you do. You’ve talked very openly and he doesn’t change because he’s okay with your sex life. You aren’t. Something to think about.
Why would you stay with someone that lets her friend talk to you like that and then basically calls you a liar. Why are you being nice to him? Get back in his face and stand up for yourself.
Invest in yourself before a relationship.
You pretend to walk away. U become the more interesting possibility now unattainable option, she chooses u. Ffs don’t sit in a car with her crying and holding her for an hour while she tells u how great her ex is
Yeah, I have smelled weird there, like when I was having irregular menstrual cycles, but once that got sorted out it smelled like a vagina might. My boyfriend says it smells fine, but I imagine it’s kind of like semen – sometimes, it smells bad if the guy eats like shit, but if the guy eats normal stuff it is neither tasty nor bad. Idk, to me, it seems like OP’s boyfriend is lying. He doesn’t seem sexually attracted to her; it seems as though he’s abusing of her generosity. He’s a leech. Just smell yourself with a finger test, op. Your boyfriend seems miserable to be around. Too much shit to fix about him (e.g., he’s lazy, doesn’t seem interested in you romantically or as a friend, doesn’t pay for anything so he seems like a leech, and he’s possessive because he seems to be emotionally cheating). Unless I missed something about you two not being exclusive, your supposedly smelly vagina is the least of your concerns lol.
The diagnosis was atrial fibrillation.
The worst part is like I said in the post that I got so happy when she tried to reach out and I rejected her letting karma take it´s course. I don´t know why I congratulated her and sent her the message. I can´t make sense of why I did it. I somehow felt bad. And it got spit right back in in my face. I keep getting calls from hidden numbers and it´s most likely her from what I can tell.
It seems from how I interpret it, she still has not learned and will probably continue to do this with other patients and people. This was the first time I have ever cried in front of any girl. And it was two girls. I have not talked about this with anyone. You know, because being a ´´man´´ you´re not allowed to complain or show weakness.
When I said it´s affecting my life, some of my friends have noticed it. About two weeks ago in grappling class I went a little too hard in training and injured a friend of mine. I immediately apologized and took the rest of the class off. (These things are normal and I have also been injured by my friends) but I have known these people for years and they can easily tell when something is off and vice versa I can tell when they are feeling down.
I feel so emasculated and have little to no confidence anymore. I have revenge thoughts and I´m full of anger and rage every single day and I know it´s not healthy.
So fucking his brother before marrying him and having kids with him is none of his business… like what kind of life do you people have I genuinely wonder.
I bring and add so much value to his life that saying hey please don’t like half hard womens Instagram pictures is not that serious also he gains nothing from liking it. If it hurts him so much to not like a picture of a woman that doesn’t know he exists well I don’t wanna be with that kind of person. My partner and I communicate very well and he has no issues and certainly doesn’t resent me for it. Stop projecting, if you’re okay with these things that’s you but most women I know always hate it so why should we pretend to be comfortable with something we are not.
FYI, he did speak to me and has just been very very sick, he communicated that it had nothing to do with our previous convo and he certainly doesn’t mind not liking half nude pictures because he loves me and never wants to do anything that hurts me :).
You were meant to come crawling back and change your ways not see other women.
If you want to stay and maintain this change you will have to keep on top of it and remind her that she is slipping on the changes and it makes you think it’s just going to go back to how it was and you won’t do that.
I’m guessing you have tried counselling?
I haven’t got any more advice, it’s up to you at the end of the day what you want to do.
Stop. Stop being understanding and take a moment to recognize that, if this:
I'm always made to feel a bit like I'm on the wrong side in any relationship.
And this:
he has his own issues around public embarrassment because of his history with a bipolar family member,
Are both true, you're in the wrong relationship. This will only end in a lot of pain, and all of that pain will be yours.
Plus, your boyfriend is reacting to this in a way that I'd expect an abusive person to react. 1) not comforting you 2) making it about him 3) blaming you (forget him saying “it was your body's response, I recognize that” because no he doesn't. If he did, he wouldn't be blaming you.) 4) emotionally punishing you for it
This is bad. This entire reaction of his is a huge red flag. He should have been thinking about your physical and emotional wellbeing after this happened TO you.
What advice do you want here?
You have two different views of how you want your relationship to go.
Honestly. I wouldn't be with someone who wanted to sleep separately.
I wouldn't have said anything to my wife…I'd have investigated independently to see what I could see…..
When we talk about it he said he just always tired or he’s got to be up early and wants to go to bed. I know he’s got a low sex drive but it’s getting worse we haven’t had sex in like 5 weeks now
I’ve asked him if he’s been watching porn, he said he doesn’t ?
I don’t want to kick him out of his home. I have family/friends that I can stay with locally while he does not. I’m just scared he can’t pay for it and that this will ruin his life. He has a history of alcoholism and I’m terrified he’ll relapse too. I want this to be as easy a transition for him
This post is what everyone here is talking about.
He is my boyfriend and we just started dating 3 days ago.
We did talk earlier. We talk all day everyday usually. On Thursday we talked and he told he would have a late night and he would call me later hence i was waiting. I talked to him right up to when I left for the night on Friday.
I understand it’s important to him and we’ve been doing it for the past couple of months just fine so I feel like two unintentional “slip ups(?)” shouldn’t cause this much reaction. I get being annoyed but anger seems to be a little much here.
Everyone is giving you good advice OP, but I saw one thing that no one seemed to be mentioning.
“cannot be paused”. Is there even a game like that?
There are entire genres of games like that. Even games that can be paused, normally cannot be paused under certain conditions
Sorry but lying about your height is nowhere near as similar as lying about your age especially when you're bordering being a legal adult and the person you're tricking into having sex can be arrested for statutory rape. Lying about her age is an indicator of her immaturity and if she can so easily lie and be selfish about this I wonder what else she has said that is made up.
Girl #1 pictures are not real life and rarely if ever do people look just like their pics. #2 it’s understandable for you to have these fresh feelings because until now she was just an idea. #3 feelings ARE irrational, what matters is how you handle them.
It is perfectly natural to be insecure and jealous at first, but what is SO important is what you tell yourself and to not give in to them. Say it out loud, he loves you, you trust him and they’re old friends. That’s all. Just keep reminding yourself that you and her are NOT in a competition. You’ve been allowing yourself to fall into these holes.
Also, some advice I’ve found the most helpful on here. Someone was asking her grandma for boy advice and she said, honey you are not busy enough if you are wasting this kind of time on boys (I love grandmas LOL.) Plan something fun or just be busy during their meet up lol. Maybe axe throwing. Or a kick boxing class. Trust me you’ll feel much more confident after punching and kicking a bag for an hour. Good luck!! You’ll be just fine!!!
Record some of his outbursts, and then sit him down for a heart to heart. Tell him everything you've said here, and as proof show him the recordings. Ask him why he's being like this to you, and why belittle me for trying to help him out. Are you sensitive? I don't know, I don't know you. But his attitude is still quite wrong and uncalled for. Ask him how throwing snide remarks at you is helpful at all. Ask him how you have ever wronged him for him to treat you like this.
If he doesn't like what you provide, ask him to show you what changes you can implement. Have him make the coffee as an example in front of you.
And you know what grinds my fucking gears? When your significant other uses your insecurities against you. I had my ex do this. Like hello, you know my insecurities because I trust you and thought you would understand me more. I open my heart to you, and you fucking backstab me??? Ask him how would he like if you used his insecurities against him? Ask him why is it so fucking hard to not be a piece of shit about it? Why can't he just give common decency and respect about personal problems?
Give him a list of changes. Have it written. You've been walked over enough, now he needs to respect your boundaries like you have respected his. If it can't be done, maybe a temporary separation may be best. Go grey-rock with him. And look at his actions, not his words. Words are cheap. Make sure you see changes for a long period. If he doesn't change for the long run, divorce might be an unfortunate outcome.
Whatever you do, OP, stay strong. Think with your head, not your heart.
This sounds pretty much the same as the path to my divorce.