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Birth Date: 1990-09-05
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If you were my daughter, I would have encouraged you not to marry so young and I would have pointed out these issues before a marriage occurred. But that ship has sailed.
So at this point, I would tell you to leave your abusive relationship.
Lol she's a cheating mlm hun. Dump her
to be fair I never told him that I was insecure about my appearance and at the beginning when I refused to go on dates I would always found an excuse instead of telling him the truth but yeah I guess we should have that talk like you said. thank you for your answer
So I am reading this as a break up text from someone who is so scared to hurt you that they added way too much trying to soften the blow, and ended up diluting the actual message. No one is so busy with work that they can’t make time to text you good morning and good night, and occasionally send you a meme. If she has Bluetooth in her car she could call you when she’s driving from work or to run an errand, without it costing her any additional time. You weren’t talking because she was working up to the break up.
Do not engage with Captain Vaguebook
Wow. Get a clue! You've learned nothing.
Or any number of silly things that make you look bad (ish), like you don't put your socks in the hamper, or it takes you 90 minutes to shower, etc.
If he wanted to lie, he would pick something different.
You get to have your own life. If they don’t want to be pleasant, it’s their business. Respect her and defend her, but they can’t limit who you date. You’re both consenting adults who enjoy each other’s company. That’s all they need to know.
I don't think I'd call that “using her”. He's more or less forced into an arranged marriage, and he wanted to date for love, but isn't willing to cut himself off from his family (which is very much on the table with rejecting that or trying to marry outside their preferences). It sounds like he's avoiding his nation of birth to avoid this, which is a pretty big deal, imo.
In short, I say it's a shit situation all round, he was definitely shitty and inconsiderate by not telling you in a better way, but I don't think calling him dating someone he's interested in “using them” because he doesn't plan on marrying that person is fair or accurate. I've dated people I didn't think I'd marry before, and I don't think either party was “used”. It's also very possible he's trying to find a match of his own to bring home to India to prevent this, but reasonably doesn't want to propose marriage after 3 months.
All the man said was that he “has to get married when he goes back”. It sounds very much in the realm of possibility, given the way he's stalling, that he wants to get married to OP, rather than a family-picked match, and he is avoiding going home until they're ready for that. Not saying it's definitely the case, just that it's possible.
Go no contact, spend time with your friends and family, make new friends or go new places, just get busy exploring positive things.
Stop apologizing- and leave
I wholeheartedly agree.
Him kicking you out is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
You've one less asshole in your life.
Take it on the chin, recognize you are a different person than the one he got with in the beginning. You’re better than the person you were back then (presumably you’ve gotten better with your anxiety, I hope.)
Him not being attracted to you anymore is His problem, not yours. Onwards! To a better partner/partners!
Okay, I'll say it. You're an absolute arsehole, you don't deserve any respect and you definitely don't deserve a person like him
Your “friends” are also scum people.
Breaking up is hot. You have made your decision to move on and I think you know it. Moving out is your way to exit gently. When you move out it needs to be with the mindset that it signals a break up. I can see you,love him but are not in love with him. Let him go and more importantly let yourself go.
I love that you are struggling because you don’t want to hurt him. It shows you are a good person.
Go, be free, be a young adult exploring her part of the world, and live! alone if you can. It can be very lonely but you also learn so much about yourself.
I would tell him the method of birth control you’ve selected is…..abstinence.
I only use Snapchat a little bit so I may be wrong here. I have never gotten snaps from random strangers. Just my 2 friends and “the Snapchat team” or whatever it's called. My one friend I snap back and forth with a lot has a little heart next to her new. I assumed it was some kind of “best friend” indicator maybe. I have another friend I would consider closer, but we rarely snap, so she has no heart next to her name.
It sounds like some fishy things going on here. If I was in your shoes I would definitely suspect cheating. I know a lot of people say that they'd rather stay in a failed relationship for the sake of the kids, but to me that just seems to set a bad example for the kids if what a healthy relationship should look like.
So you managed to handle life but you don’t trust your children can handle the same risks?
Plus again. It’s about probability. You just seem to write it off when convenient.
You think the bc pill or an iud feels good all the time? Grow up
“I remember clearly that night – it was great and he wanted to do it again the next night but I was a bit sore down there so I told him no. He then got upset.” I'm not making anything up or projecting. OP clearly says he was upset that she didn't have sex while in pain.
So to answer the question, I do not plan on continuing the pregnancy, due to my current circumstances it would not be fair to bring a child into it.
Cry me a river no one cares about your anecdotal sob story
Yeah no, showing someone's nudes is a violation of trust, especially if they were solicited nudes. I have zero issue with showing unsolicited dick pics to other people, but I'd never even think about showing solicited ones.
Time to sit down during a calm time when there is nothing scheduled and talk these issues out. She needs to be able to explain her constant anger. You both need to discuss the problems and see if they are solvable.
Agreed, a place-holder at best ?
Engaging with her will only make things worse, so don’t. If she contacts you then you can reply that your fiancé is an adult and the decision was his but don’t get into a back and forth with her.
Your fiancé may want to reach out to his parents prior to contacting her to let them know he is ending the friendship and why so they hear it from him first and if his friends say anything or try to get involved he only needs to tell them the friendship ran it’s course.
I feel like I had to fully shut my phone down, set it in another room, come back to it, start it again, then read that to make sure I actually read it correctly.
The nerve of this guy!!!
She might not want him. She might just want you not to have him.
Whatever. I thought OP needed firm and clear more than he needed babying.
He clearly is so wrapped up in his own pain that he can’t see his exes side. Unfortunately, that is only going to prolong his pain and keep him from getting ‘closure’. I explained his exes side, in the hopes that that will eventually ease his pain.
He’s a decent guy, his ex just needs some freedom before settling down. The most loving thing he can do is let her go. It hurts now, but broken hearts do mend if you let them.
If you think being honest with OP makes me an AH, I am 100% fine with that. I think it’s kinda funny, actually.
Dna test those kids and get everything in order for a divorce. Do not ever give a cheater a second chance
Thank you for the update,
I'm sure it'll be much better for you, and hopefully for her too, to be no contact. I'm sorry she threw away all your gifts, that's awful. Cutting ties now is the best way to go.
I'm lucky I have a very good couple of friendships, with my bf and my two friends, so thank you!
Op, don't let him intimidate you. Be forceful. Be mean. It's ok to be mean and stick to your boundaries. So often young women are conditioned to be overly accommodating. This is why these older creeps try to date younger. They try to take advantage of the societal pressures put on young women. Tell him it's done. If he calls again. Tell him to fuck off and tell him if he doesn't leave you alone the next step is the police. Most importantly, inform your parents. Someone close to you NEEDS to know what's going on. If you honestly feel scared, then have your parents go with you to file a restraining order. Don't worry about his front because he sure isn't worried about yours. He only wants to manipulate you.
OR, should you tell her and save her the heartache of investing even more time and energy into the guy who's cheating on her?
You're not the one who's ruining the family. He is.
Respect maybe; love no
Go for it if you like her.
She needs to stay an ex-best friend. She has proven that she doesn't really care about you.
Delete her & go NC. You have been through so much & deserve to have a great life without her drama.
Best of luck to you.b
After less than 5 months you're living together? That was your first mistake. You don't even know who he really is Nothing wrong with a little porn in itself but it sounds like this already has affected your sexlife. I was married to a porn addict. He was also an alcoholic so that as ultimately the bigger issue but his excessive porn use definitely made me feel like crap and it did affect our sex life. Unless he wants to change for himself he won't . 5 months in I'd cut my losses.
Also he needs to be checked out for sleep apnea.
OP I’ve lived with and had children with someone that had anger management problems for over 18 years. It doesn’t go away. You will suffer a lifetime of walking on egg shells and the emotional impact will spread to your kids if you choose to have them. If I were you I would reconsider investing time in someone who needs to work on themselves to this degree. Picture your life in 20 years if she doesn’t change, is that something you really want for your future?
I was coming here to give advice but after seeing your edits the only other piece of advice I will give you is please go to your college if he continues to harass you. I work at a University and they take sexual harassment and sexual assault very seriously.
I wouldnt want to live! in a house where my name isnt on the ownership either, shit goes down hes homeless with nothing so he has everything to lose, on top of that it would never be his home, it is your home that your dad gave you and you just so nicely let him stay there so he theoretically has no say in anything that happens in the house.
Why not rent the house to make money to reach your common goal? Or ask if you can sell the house for a profit to buy one together?
I am so glad I didn’t know about this without the update. Don’t know where OP lives but I love cats and I was so enraged I would’ve taken off work and traveled in order to help. And likely been jailed after confronting OP’s husband to find the truth and cat.
I think you know and you’ve done it, leave. Be careful though his actions makes him seem unstable.
He does not get the final say. Perhaps it's time to use some of those precious hours on family therapy.
I agree. I'm divorced and share custody.
My ex husband and i do not spend holidays together. We will do family events like birthdays parties, graduations, school events together but he brings his SO, i bring mine. My ex and i get along just fine however we were no longer a family, at some point one or both of us were going to be moving on with our lives so we felt it best to do split holidays from the beginning (we alternate years and do something on our own time on the off years).
Keep in mind that what the best friend said may be his own opinion and not your bfs opinion. Congrats on the weight loss.
Leave before he gives you a disease! It sounds like he has and will go behind your back and could expose you to things without you even knowing