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I think you two need individual and couples counseling. It sounds like he's having a tough time moving past the miscarriages and loss of your birthed baby. I don't think he means to take this out on you, but he probably doesn't know how else to cope.
I'd ask him about counseling, maybe even start with grief counseling, and see what he says. If after some talking, it may take months, he won't budge, you might have to reasses if he can move on from his pain and be at peace with you again. You have a tough road ahead of you, so please seek counseling for yourself too.
It would only get you in trouble if you were egging her on and telling her to do it. Other than that, no.
But it is not your job to save her, as cruel as that may sound. Tell her you won't be manipulated like this and block her. Then report her to the non-emergency line and tell them what she said. They will perform a wellness check on her.