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Birth Date: 2000-12-09
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I think that committed couples shouldn't regard their phones from the standpoint of privacy; as what you know, she should also know, and vice versa. Yes, she apologized for her outburst, but I'm troubled that she failed to mention the manner in which the other guy was choosing to message her, as that should be off limits.
So, you still have a potential problem on your hands, and it should be addressed. Sit down with her and have The Talk. During The Talk, you should make clear to her what your boundaries are vis-a-vis communications with other men. In this instance, she should have told the guy that she was married, and she didn't appreciate the way he was using inappropriate terms of endearment rather than her name. And she should have shown you the texts, as you had a right to know. That's boundary #1. Boundary #2 should be that neither of your phones should be off limits to either of you. Therefore each of you should have the security codes of your phones. There may be other boundaries that you wish to include, and she may have some boundaries of her own she wishes to put in place as well.
I wish you well.
I get food related low blood sugar and I’m the devil when I’m hungry. I honestly can’t help it and feel terrible afterwards but it sounds like he gets like me and my kids when we’re hungry. Please don’t take offense and tell him to knock it off and plan your next date. I’m sorry your feelings were hurt. You didn’t do anything wrong and he should have been nicer but I honestly don’t think he could help it.
Something else that should worry you.
What if they decide to start spending their own retirement savings on luxuries or risky investments because they can always fall back on their daughter, who can fall back on her husband, who can fall back on his parents.
It might be better across the board to just give them the idea that your family isn’t at the level of wealth they have been led to believe and that you don’t and can’t have access to the kind of money they think you do.
Plot twist – you leave her.
Go to counseling. Alone and together. All relationships come with conflict and sometimes betrayal. It’s up to you to decide what level of betrayal is your limit / unforgivable. If you want to salvage this relationship, the way to do it is through counseling. She’s already demonstrated honesty and remorse, now it’s up to you to decide if this relationship is worth saving through honest communication with a counselor.
A lot of men have no idea what they are doing down there, and need a bit of guidance. If you know what you like, it might help to walk him through it once or twice. If you are feeling a lot of stress/frustration, you can put in a bit less effort on him too. Focus on yourself during sex, guide him through a couple of things. Give him pointers. I know it is awkward and not sexy, but doing it once or twice could completely change your sex life.
The boner thing is not something he can control and something you will have to let go.
Why be so desperate for a man that lives with his parents and adds nothing to your life when there are many men who are working on getting their life together and would love to have a girlfriend to care about?
Right. In fact, OP has broken a law by viewing the material if she doesn't immediately report him. OP, you really have no other option. Get to the police immediately. Don't sit on this.
I did say to him “what's more important? Your need to debate with my horrifically abusive ex, or me feeling safe and protected?” There wasn't much of an answer, just saying again that I have no right to control who he talks to. He also said he just won't mention when he talks to him but I told him that I'll still know it's happening so that's not a good enough alternative.