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Also, make sure you have copies of the evidence with which you confronted her.
I hear men say women aren't sexual…and my experience…99 percent of the time…the husband is lacking something at home…you may be the 1 percent dutiful husband and she really has that issue….
Please think nude if she is carrying the weight in your relationship…she does most of chores…she does most of the compromising…
You do realize that going to the “parlor” is absolutely the same thing as cheating, right? So, you’re not somehow avoiding becoming a cheater if you go that route. I’m sure your wife would agree, just ask her.
Cheating just makes you a trash person. It’s called divorce if this is a dealbreaker. Don’t be that guy. It will forever change your identity to a “cheater.” The guy who cheated on his wife.
Beyond sitting down and have a real open, honest and probably awkward conversation, there’s not a lot of options here. You can’t soften the blow or gloss over how you’re feeling. Ask her what you can do to improve intimacy. You immediately go to what you do for her sexually, but what do you do outside of sex? For women it’s not “getting her off” that’s important, it’s everything else. Are you helpful as a partner? Do you help around the house, etc because it seems lame, but for some women just having an equal partner in all things is the most attractive thing. Do you take her on dates, do you initiate intimacy in other ways – cuddling, kissing, hugging without intention. Meaning, are you only doing these things when you are looking for sex, or do you do those with that expectation? Ask her if you’re not meeting her other needs in some way that is turning her off or making her want to push away.
I mean honestly, therapy is really you’re best bet, specifically maybe a sex therapist, would be ideal, but since it’s not an option, you have to do the work yourself.
Unfortunately, this is kind of on you as well since you knew she had a LL before marriage. She didn’t pull a bait and switch and she’s not doing anything different than she was. I guess you just have to decide what is more important to you, your wife or having sex elsewhere.