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Your husband is the one being extremely selfish right now you suffered three tragedies in a very short period of time. I get he's anxious and he wants a baby but it shouldn't be at your physical or mental expense. Me too definitely needs some therapy together and I'm sure you need some on your own if you're not already doing this. Quite possible if you say no that's it I'm done, that he will leave you. If his desire to have a child is more than his love for you then your marriage is over. And eventually you're right he will resent you if he doesn't already. I fear he probably does cuz he's going to blame you regardless that it's nothing you did that caused these tragedies. It's a horrible thing that happened and it's super difficult to get over. I really hope everything works out for you.
Apologies, I missed that part. I think its a hurtful situation for everyone. I think time and patience is needed, as hot as it is. Your daughter needs to come to terms with what she learned in her own time.
There's no way you could have done things differently after she took that DNA test. Even if you said nothing she'd probably reach out and realize who her mother was.
I'm sorry OP, stay strong. Patience is always hard when our loved ones are hurting especially when we may feel responsible for the hurt.