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I think you ask yourself all of those questions:
1) Could I forgive him? I mean really forgive him not hold it over his head make him walk on eggshells until one of you eventually walks.
2) do you trust that he wouldn’t do it again?
3) If you’re honest with yourself how many times have you thought he cheated on you in the past and you shoved your head in the sand?
4) would you be willing to go to counseling? Would he?
5) why do YOU think he cheated? Are there issues in the marriage or is he seeking validation? No way would that make it on you at all, only that in the case of the latter issue all work would be on him.
Really a simple solution… Unless these minute details will insanely derail your day/night/plans you should try NOT bombarding her with inane pointless questions. If there's a pertinent and important y detail you need to know, give her a call and a 30 second chat can clear everything up. If you continue to bombard her with questions constantly you will end up driving her away.. I know it sounds harsh and you probably have this coming from a place of love but just have a bit of a chill and try not to be a bore.
I’d go to the front desk of that hotel with a clear picture of your husband and his cc info. I’d tell them you know his cc was swiped there this morning and ask them if he they saw him check in/out alone or with someone. Good chance they won’t tell you to protect guest privacy but also a decent chance they won’t give a crap and tell you anyway.
5 years too long.
Big yikes if in the USA.
So did my ex husband who made rape jokes. He told me he loved me, he also told me he'd rape me. Which he did. Quite a lot. I really wish I had left sooner, it didn't change, not after we got married, not after he got therapy, not after college, not after kids, he didn't change.
But I did, and eventually I was able to leave. But it's incredibly hot. If you have any friends or family to lean on I suggest going to them. You deserve so much better. You are worthy of respect.
For the record rape to me, is an act of violence, it doesn't have to mean they took your virginity if you don't want them to have. It's yours to give willingly.
You’re kidding right?
I agree with the advice below. It may not be for you, true. But smoking, vaping, edibles are all very different in how they affect a person.
I don't see what can even be done. My mental illnesses are here to stay forever.
The past… like sleeping with his friend (cheating on him), not telling him (lying by omission). Why should he ever trust anything you tell him again? You’ve proven yourself untrustworthy.
It doesn’t even have to be bad. Sure let’s even say it’s great! My point is that I don’t have to partake in something to develop an opinion on it using common sense. Being a hypocrite is going to get backlash especially when you are willing to let religion drastically impact your life but completely ignore it in others. There is no logic there. I also have no idea why ur white knighting someone that obviously made a poor decision and chose to post it on the internet themselves asking for peoples opinions. No one who is commenting on this gives a fuck about the religion moron it’s about them being a hypocrite.
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Get a lawyer …
How is the award decided ? Do students vote or is it a committee ?
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Thank you ? It totally is a deal breaker for me especially since it went on for so long 🙁 I feel like I wanna talk it out with him but it will be a dead end, but also he’s been talking about getting married for so many months which makes it even more confusing for me ? Do you have any tips on an exit strategy? Should I inform him of when I want to leave, or just move in silence?
Yeah op your dad cheated on you too man. He decided to throw away spending everyday with you and did something that fundamentally broke your family.
Your step mum knew he was married with a child and broke that family willingly. Then had a child with your dad herself. Essentially breaking your mum's family for her own.
I don't think you hate your mum. I do think your entirely self centered and likely deserving of your pos father.
Seriously your post and replies are hot to empathise with.
They both had unprotected sex. Many, many times. And from the look of it, she wasn’t on birth control. You reap what you sow. She chose to keep the child and now her life is about to be significantly harder. Babies don’t fix relationships; it will only exacerbate the problems. Good luck, OP.
Why are you still with her? For your health and your sanity, dump her and then go to bed.
Getting pregnant again is definitely a fear. But if it ever becomes like a real and active one I’ll get a different BC that he can’t tamper with
You are 26. There is no rush to settle. Why do you not say let's review at 30 or 35?
It seems like you want to make a final decision on something that does not have to be.
What the actual fuck did I just read?
He doesn’t want dudes seeing me without him
Working out looks gross actually. At least I look sweaty and my hair goes crazy. Does he allow you to go to the beach or is that forbidden too? What about wearing a skirt above your knees? OMG men could see!
If he didn’t withhold taxes from your paychecks then you’re going to owe a bunch of money when you file your 2022 tax return regardless of whether you can talk him in to giving you the right form. IMO you should focus more on how to get your return filed and make sure you’ve paid what you owed. This will be a pain in the ass, but you have to do it, and you’ll come out of it a lot less worried about how to spare your bosses feelings or help him dodge the consequences for his crimes.
Or not
My daughter has much less friction with her mother once she learned about projection and how insecure her mom is about herself
Now she knows every nasty ass comment she hears from her mom, is actually just her projecting how she feels about herself onto others
Some of the biggest blow ups have come over the same thing you did, as my kid calls her mom out (or used to)
Shes learned the best thing to say to her is nothing at all, as she's actually just hating on herself
Sounds like your mom is a fragile as my kids mom is
I'll say the same to you as I tell my kid
“You've matured past your mother now so you're in a position where you know which battles to pick, and where you're just inviting drama”
I know its weird to mature past a parent emotionally and your age seems to be the common range for this to happen, I know it took a long while for my kid to come to terms with it
Good luck
she started accusing me of having an incestuous relationship with my sister.
Today she called me and said that she needs time, and also called my dad a sicko and said “which father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter naked”
being immature is the least of her problems… your (ex-) girlfriend is disgusting. give her some time to think about of what she accused you and your dad and if she cant see whats wrong about it, break up. jfc…
My problem with OP is that he is so vague about his hobby and the priceyness while he is very precise about the xbox etc. I want to know what this hobby is, because I feel like it's important info and might sidenus with his wife.
I guess as it was his colleague who he was close to everyday and then lied to me about the length.
I think it’s the lie that’s getting to me, I’m just not sure why it would be necessary to lie if there was nothing inappropriate there. Again though, I know I could be overreacting due to my own past.
True, they have some gorgeous nature there.
“She hit me”
Leave her.
A few years back I had a whole conversation on reddit with a dude saying to just buy brown sheets because that's what he did since his ass was too hairy to clean. Sir, get in the fucking shower or buy a bidet. That (literal) shit is disgusting.
He is a grown man that is clearly not washing his ass or wiping properly. Him washing the sheets doesn’t make up for it even in the beginning he is was truly embarrassed and cared he would actually clean himself and it wouldn’t happen again. Please have more self respect than this and stop settling for a man who can’t even wash himself ffs… You are sleeping next to and having sex with a man how has shit all over his ass how are you ok with this. And you are worried about being delicate when bringing it up when he clearly doesn’t give a rats ass about to leave literal shit on yo ur bed.
You should read the five love languages and understand yours versus his. You’re not speaking his language in simple terms. Much more complicated and tbh I hope your boyfriend leaves. My ex really really fucked me up after 10 years of this and it was incredibly difficult for me to get into a normal sexual relationship. My ex wife couldn’t of changed because it’s not who she is, we just had different libidos and I always wanted someone to crave me not just have sex with me, which it’s easy to tell. Ugh, I’m having flash backs haha, too early for this! Good luck.
Sounds like he’s watching too much red pill shit on YouTube.
So you're not actually talking to him. He doesn't know you exist.
If you're not trolling then you have some really big problems. I hope your parents can afford psychotherapy.
Yeah for sure, take the wins where you can get them.
I’m just always a little weirded out how people on Reddit have such definitive opinions when we have a microscopic amount of information – it worked this time, but an paranoid overprotective sibling could very easily have scared away a good man with this tactic
Doesn’t seem like a very healthy way to approach this, but hey, like I said, take the wins where you can get ‘em!
Fuck can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it like that. Jesus
I'm complaining because I'm going down on her whenever she wants for how ever long it takes and i get the hurting of face and jaws, my face/jaws are still sore the next day but, what I'm not getting is the connection with her that she is getting with me in that area.
Not everyone is destined to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone has qualities to be their own boss. Call me callous but I never believed “love is enough”. $100K debt and zero income isn’t something love could conquer in my book. Lack of financial stability is my biggest pet peeve and there is no way I would stay with someone who’s going to risk it.
It sounds like they couldn't wait for the opportunity to have each other, you both felt awkward so tried to get into it with each other, were successful, and then they got insecure about it. The whole thing was just for the two of them to have sex and they got upset when that wasn't the most notable thing to happen. Honestly they both sound very immature and selfish.
Well, you give an ultimatum. Divorce or therapy/doctor visits. You've put up with this for so long, he feels he can easily get away with it. That's why he won't change or puts the blame on you. Don't waste anymore more time.
Your trust was destroyed. A lie by omission is still a lie. He said he wanted to go alone, yet he did not go alone. This was a lie. Why would he lie if nothing was going to happen? I would say good bye. His behavior is that of a cheater.
I think you are wise to be concerned about her lack of common sense. My nephew is also very book smart but has been scammed multiple times. He is particularly susceptible to grifters who threaten him with arrest, even though he is 20 and has never done anything wrong. It's pretty crazy.
These kinds of things are so vulnerable, and even if your boyfriend was kinder about your weight, its normal to feel self conscious whe your body changes.
But the thing is, he doesn't sound like he has a history of being kind about weight fluctuations. That's problematic for a few reasons. For one, if your planning on spending your lives together, your bodies are going to change. You don't want to feel like your relationship is dependent on your size.
The other thing is, a healthy sex life is multifaceted. You aren't going to be having great sex if you don't feel sexy. Its harder to connect if you're worried about whether your partner is attracted to you. The healthiest long term relationships I've seen involve couples that really build each other up and make an effort to make each other feel sexy, even if there are periods of body fluctuations.
I get that it might be concerning or maybe even off putting if your partner has gained like 50 pounds in a year or something. But there is a respectful and kind way to have that conversation.
You and your boyfriend might need to talk about expectations of weight fluctuations in a relationship, support you're entitled to as a person in a relationship, and respectful boundaries while you navigate this. You might also talk about ways your boyfriend can help you if you want him involved in your weight loss process. I would be direct, and communicate through the issue. I would struggle to feel good about the dynamic without that.
He doesn't seem like he wants to be a father. I would abort it just for that alone.
Hey OP, I'll point out this slightly overlooked tidbit: What you did at your father's wedding was asinine, but not surprising for a 15 year old going through a parents remarriage. Your dad and his wife had a right to be passed off, but you were a kid, who is not legally recognized as an adult because you don't fully understand how to act at that age. Your step mother has no such excuse as a 50+ adult attending an adult child's wedding. She knows better, she has had years to come to terms and forgive what you did all that time ago. She instead decided to be petty and vindictive. She tried to ruin your day out of spite, and I'm glad you didn't let her.
She has no excuses as an an individual old enough to be your parent. She is held to higher standard than a child, and if your father wants to make this his hill to die on, he shows you that your relationship with him doesn't hold any real weight in his life. Sorry OP, but dump both of them and online a happier life. You deserve it.
Yeah the idea that child-free people are selfish is completely illogical to me. Parents choosing to have a kid is, by default, 100% selfish because it has to be. The kid can't decide to be born. The parents are absolutely doing it for themselves. Because their genes are just so goddamn special, they MUST pass them on. We have billions of people. We could really use some thinning of the herd right now but people won't quit making more mini-mes for themselves. That's what's selfish.
So- you found out you had a son from a relationship that happened before you were with your wife and she just jumped straight to divorce?
The one thing you need to recognize is that this is not about your son. This is a huge leap to make over someone neither of you knew existed considering that you did not cheat on her with your son’s mother.
So how do you not resent your son? You recognize that your wife is making this choice. And you lawyer up- and you fight for custody of your children with her.
You also need to understand: Moving your kids across the country will effectively end your relationship with them. Whatever traveling she thinks is going to happen is garbage- because it is NOT SUSTAINABLE. Especially once they start school. So if you love your kids- fight to keep them close to you.
I suspect she is cheating, has a job offer, or has wanted out of your marriage. So- snap of the fog. Regardless of the reason- your kids need to know that you fought as hot as you could with what you have to be with them.
Friendzoning is definitely an option.
You do not (and really should not) have to join her in her confusion.
Sure hope you two don’t have a daughter. She will be following in daddy’s footsteps thinking she is the victim if she is ever raped
Therapist. For you. Not marriage counseling. This is NOT about you. Please believe that. It’s a her issue. Consult with an attorney, you don’t have to make any decisions about life choices yet-but do it.
I’m a fan of telling the other person’s spouse-but it’s a crap shoot on how that will go. It’s just my feeling that everyone deserves to know what is going on to make their own choices. Some people do not cope well.
Again. This is not about you. Do not let your brain make it bout you. She chose this. Please go talk to someone. It really does help.
I understand. My wife is a medical professional. She works crazy hours. There are some weeks the kids only see her on her days off. It can be incredibly difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. The partner at home feels abandoned and the marriage becomes strained, and the worst part is there's no one to actually blame for it. At some point you just have to either accept it or move on. From what you're saying – and literally only from that, I'm not mind reading – it sounds like this might be a case where she's felt lonely and isolated, and found that attention she needed elsewhere. You may be able to salvage this, but if she's already emotionally left, well. But it still seems like having an honest conversation with her would be helpful. You can always get a divorce later.
It was a deliberate choice that he made, not a mistake. It’s also 100% cheating and whether it’s forgivable or not is 100% up to you.
Before couples counseling, he should be trying to work on the part of him that allowed himself to do this.
Did he ever say he wasn’t okay with not receiving though? Sure he shouldn’t shame her, but based on what’s written here I’m not sure he did.
He tried to feel her up, and she let him but she felt guilty. I was her first and she never had it from anyone else before.
He tried to get her hot, and she let him but she felt guilty…see where this is going?
Once you divorce, what happens then? Will your partner be free to return to Italy with her child? Or do you expect her to stay in your country?
Yeah, I feel like he’s living my dream and not his, which sucks. We met in the city we currently online in (8 years ago) and so I thought he was down to stay here. I know he’s open to staying if we can get our shit together, but clearly that’s not currently happening.
We just bought our house 2 years ago, so it’s tricky with moving. We could rent it out though.
I think the short & long term planning suggestion is helpful and can help him feel hope. Right now the convo is just spinning in circles of him saying we should have done X.
I’m sorry but you really need to rethink your parenting decisions and priorities if you got in a relationship with a former junkie who was sober less than a year. Like come the fuck on.
Like not only is this not good for him trying to maintain his sobriety this early on, but you have an ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD THAT DEPENDS ON YOU. This cannot be your partner. It would be a different story if he had some years of sobriety and therapy under his belt but it’s almost EXPECTED that he will relapse at this point, very few people can get sober the first time they try. Did you do any research about addiction when you started dating an addict?
You need therapy yourself because from this post I’d say your self worth is in the toilet as you’re desperately clinging to what is clearly a mistake of a relationship. Sorry to be harsh but I sincerely hope one day you’re well enough to look back at this situation and think “wtf was I doing??!?”.
I wholeheartedly disagree with at least half of these for myself and any relationship I’d be in. They feel controlling and restrictive. It feels like rules that only need to be there to fill the gap of a lack of trust.
But, if it works for both of you, then that’s good. If not, then you need to find some middle ground or decide that you both have different boundaries and this may not work.
I can see how that is frustrating to him. But instead of recognising they are both in a horrible situation he choose to berate her and saying she should be dead. He is an adult responsible for his own actions and it is not okay behaviour.
It’s hot to let someone go. But realize the value of time and if you’re serious about getting with them or you just can’t stand to see them with someone else.
You’re doing them a disservice if you can’t picture the rest of your life together
It sounds like she is looking for you to replace your friend. Be careful
Christ he sounds like an obnoxious twat. Do yourself a favor and put this man in the trash and go online your life.