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You could have had an amazing Christmas in NYC for less than that. Why not do that? Maybe she thought that you guys wanted to get back for Xmas no matter what? I don't think this is divorce worthy but I would refund the tickets and sit tight. Wherever you go it's gonna be a hassle till at least mid week next week. Then you can work on your communication issues
Your Mom is an idiot, in my opinion. Your husband has a right to be mad. You don't start screwing other people because you can't have a child. Even to have that suggested is out of bounds. What she seems to suggest is surrogacy by promiscuity. Now there's a way to make a marriage better.
It varies. In a healthy relationship I think it's when normal life events that impact your relationship occur, you stop seeing your partner as this perfect being but you love them despite their faults. In unhealthy relationships, specifically where one partner is abusive, the honeymoon phase can go on for years. The mask only slips when they think they have their victim trapped and they're unlikely to leave, no matter how badly they're treated. This is usually a big financial or relationship commitment like having a baby, getting married and/or buying a house.