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MyLittleSlut, y.o.
Location: District of Columbia, United States
Room subject:
To Start live! video press there
Because they're full of promises and wear a perfect partner mask until they have you more and more trapped.
OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Bi Polar is intense and NOT a failing of will power or character, it is a real condition that hi-jacks your logic and motivational avenues and makes you act in ways that are definitely “not you.” Try to remind yourself of that: You're not dealing with logical maliciousness from someone who doesn't care about you, you're dealing with someone who is doing their best with a really big hurdle. There are reasons people end up in hospitals after episodes, and the treatment itself alters your sensory experience of life and has trade-offs. Imagine the compassion you would hope for if you were ailing like that. It's really anxiety-inducing dealing with mental health issues that affect everything from emotions, to life logistics like money and relationships; and that's totally okay. Your feelings are totally valid. But they're just feelings. There are a LOT of anxieties and fears running around your head right now. She told you a LOT about how she's been affected: she's really going through it. BREATH DEEPLY, and name it: you're anxious.
And… I bet you're anxious about more than just this… she dropped a bomb shell, the treatment that has made your whole relationship better isn't working for her anymore, and this will be a life long journey, if you have kids they'll be prone to the condition. If you zoom out, there you're worried about the health of your relationship, but it's much bigger and more complex than whether she hasn't crossed any specific boundaries.
Take a deep breath, remind yourself that you want a strong relationship and you're willing to work for it, and that's going to take some patience and resiliency at the moment. You can contribute by handling your own anxiety until couples therapy starts. Get a personal therapist, increase your physical activity, cry if you need to, be nice to yourself and LOOK FOR THE GOOD, until you can get professional help.
I have a spouse with bi-polar. You truly cannot ask a forum for advice and trust the answers, because Bi Polar is a complex nuanced confusing condition. You're not talking about someone who is mentally healthy and therefore no one can intuit, translate, and then share the perspective of your wife: and that's what matters, what you guys MEAN to each other, what you FEEL, and WHERE YOU WANT TO GO TOGETHER. Yes, spending the night at someone's house might be weird… but you're dealing with someone who is going through something really intense. If she feels like the world is “unreal,” or she's depersonalized as a response to the numbing she's feeling, it's very possible SHE doesn't understand her actions, and random things are giving her a sense of calm or comfort so she will seek them out even if it's irrational.
Be so thankful that she is taking an active roll and being open and honest and trying to involve you in her healing because she TRUSTS you: don't respond to that trust with accusations and distrust, I cannot imagine anything that would help with. (Serious- think about it, run yourself through your actions all the way, if you find out something maybe happened, are you going to confront her while she's going through this or sit and fester on it until you explode screaming?) She clearly wants things to get better WITH YOU, together. She is conscientiously addressing it and observing her shifts. That is a gift. Work WITH Her, handle your anxiety, have compassion for what she must be going through, try to help her feel better, trust the good and LOOK FOR IT. She CANNOT keep the morale afloat right now: take on the burden. I'm not saying it's going to be perfect, I'm not saying you're not going to face some tough truths, but don't let an Internet forum decide what your medicated mentally fiancee is communicating to you with her actions.
Good luck, this is going to be tough but every relationship is and the reward of putting the work in is everything you ever wanted. GOOD LUCK