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You are here for advice, you got two.
Stop this nonsense and let him be a great dad. Leave him because you are not capable of dating a man with kids / leave him because he's bs.
You do not listen neither of those two, what is it you want?
You can't have your cake and be full.
You need to focus on gaining the confidence to inject yourself into the conversation. The kind of single minded focus he needs to make you feel loved constantly in a crowd of other people he cares about is unrealistic in a long term relationship. Your neediness indicates that you feel insecure. This might be helped by talking with a therapist. They can give the tools to help talk yourself out of this spiral into feeling unloved. What he is doing does not reflect on his love for you. It indicates that he is not good enough at conversing to simultaneously understand and engage with one person while also thinking of you. You interpret it as. him being uncaring but it’s just him being limited. Can you love him with his weakness? That’s the real question.
Him showing the video to others could have been remedied by a simole “hey- I want to see!” If he ignores you when he can obviously hear your request- that’s a lack of respect and would be a problem.
Maybe asking him ahead of the party to agree on a nonverbal signal that you need reassurance could not embarrass either of you and still remind him you want some attention. Like if he feels you touch his or gently take his hand.
He doesn’t have to focus on you all the time. If this is your issue- you really need to work on that. It’s going to drive him off being THAT needy. I think you can do this- and you will be happier and stronger if you do. U
If you think it’s right to break up, do it. Or suggest taking a break from each other for a month, don’t give in.
What I mostly see is that people say, “If this was a man,” “if this was a woman,” over and over. I hardly ever see the actual crime taking place. Just people complaining about the crime. I am not saying there aren't some double standards. I see women post on her about lots of partners, and she gets dragged through the mud when men don't. The same happens to men. Noth sides have there “if you were the opposite sex, nobody would blah, blah, blah”. It just isn't helpful.
Thank you for your answer! I didn’t even think about this perspective of our second encounter…
I am still terrified tho lol… i wish i could find the courage
I asked my husband to marry me and it was a great decision. As long as you’re clear on your goals and you don’t think he will take this as a sign of disrespect re: his boundary on when he thinks marriage is appropriate
We go out like once every few months. I'd just like him to make an effort for this one time every few months. Like I do by playing video games with him basically every single night
Looks like your choices are:
Stay seperate, be happier but she gets anxious You move back in with her out of guilt, she’s (maybe) happier, you become deeply resentful. You break up You see a relationship therapist to work on the relationship and help her with her mental health.
Personally, I really wouldn’t advise just moving back in with her because you feel bad. This sounds like a pretty unstable living situation which is especially significant given she has young children that are gonna have you moving in and out of their lives. There’s also no guarantee that you moving back in will actually make her happier, especially since she wasn’t happy before.
You both need to figure out what tf you actually want here. I’d recommend therapy or at least the two of you just dating again.
Your ex-fiancé has shown you who he really is.
Not a doormat?
I blew up on him
all the fights I picked and problems I caused
I know I pushed him and pushed him
And putting in so much “guilt” and no details is always a warning about the narrator's reliability.
First get a paternity text to determine whether or not the child is yours. If not, get away from this toxic mess as far as possible.
Stand up for your boyfriend. He did nothing wrong. Your dad can either get on board with it or not, but don't let that affect your support for your boyfriend's extremely diplomatic stance on this.
> “I don't think I blame her”
Who are you blaming then? Satan?
Just give up. It has become clear that the two of you are not compatible.
You pointed out “financially unstable” here, I was considering addressing that, but thought it took away from the point at hand. But since you have, I would like to talk about that.
What is your plan in terms of finding stability? What is his? That's absolutely important to consider in terms of your future. It's easy enough to say that you'll be fine because you've dealt with it and essentially that “love will conquer all.” The reality is that you don't want to be in a financially unstable position for many reasons, one of which includes the very real stress it puts on relationships.
So it's good that you don't on-line together now. You have time to figure out next steps and how you can improve your situations both independently and together.
UpdateMe!
I really doubt it
We aren’t having sex.
I just went into detail..
When it's just the family, I'm usually shirtless. Most of the time I have shorts on, but will make a late night or early morning kitchen run in boxers. My wife and 2 daughters are in their underwear all the time. Thing is, we're all related.
When kids' friends are here, I have shorts and a shirt on.
This isn't your daughter. While I think needing to have a shirt on is over the top maybe since you all on-line together, I see no issue requesting at least shorts on.
That stability comes at the cost of allowing your partner to shout at you in times of emotional or physical stress.
Have a look ahead of you at your life. I genuinely hope that it is filled with more laughter than sorrow, more success than failure, and more ease than hardship. But the nude truth is that no one gets through life without experiencing stress.
When one of you drops pudding on the floor, she yells.
What about when one of you has to work 12-hour days for a time?
What about when you have a newborn, should you choose to have children? What about when that newborn becomes a toddler, or a teenager? Or – god forbid – a young adult taking insane risks or getting married or becoming a parent themselves and asking you for help! Parenting just gets more stressful the longer it goes on.
What about when you host Christmas dinner? Are you okay with screaming in the grocery aisles because she can’t help it?
What about when one of you gets sick? It’s going to happen eventually. Literally no one gets all the way to 100 without some health scare. If it’s her it’s bad enough, but what if it’s you? Are you game to be screamed at from your sick bed, recovering from an operation or chemo or angina?
What about when your parents get old? If you are very fortunate, they will on-line to be elderly, but elderly people need care. What if she’s screaming at your mother? She “can’t help it”, it just comes out of her because she’s stressed.
If you are looking for a long-term partner, you want someone who can face these things with you, not in opposition to you. Ask yourself if this woman is a person who can do that.
Why do you think having this conversation will make things better?
They've made it clear you can't even be friends. At this point… I would just act as if they're dead. Nothing to do but move past it.
That doesn't make it any better. Like… At all.
I don’t get how she called you a pedo when you thought someone only four years younger than (and of legal age for two years) you was attractive as she’s sitting there dating a guy who’s five years older than her and barely had let the ink dry on her transition to adulthood. When someone points at you, there are three fingers pointing back at them. You’re not a pedo, but her bf sounds like he could be. She doesn’t sound like a very good friend and kudos to you for standing up for yourself.
Calling a 24 year old that word, even as a joke, based on a single comment about the attractiveness of a 20 year old, is very strange. That’s a very small age gap and both ages are what one might regard as college age. I wonder if something about her fiancé’s age is bothering her or maybe she just doesn’t have very good judgment about how to speak to other people. Rather than decide now whether this has permanently ended your friendship, why not take a break from it? Give it a few weeks or a few months even, and see if she approches you.
My ex fiancé did this to me (except wait for after marriage). It was shortly after we got engaged, our sex life took a huge nose dive. nothing I could do could fix it, she never initiated, we may have only been intimate a few times a month. (she was also selling her lingerie photos on snapchat etc, but that's a whole other story). She called me one day saying how she wasn't attracted to me anymore. There really isn't anything you can do, you can try therapy but it's one of those situations you have to accept. The next few parts are going to the hardest for you. But you have to realize that somewhere there is a girl who will be so excited to be with you, it's just not this one. I suggest therapy, maybe getting a hobby, trying to exercise. Something to keep your mind busy, something healthy.
I believe the term is weaponized incompetence.
Not necessarily a weekend away but she said she likes to have things to look forward to such as music gigs, cinema trips, weekends away etc
I do often pay for dinner ? not sure where you read otherwise?
Good grief. His own MOTHER warned you off him, and you didn’t listen. He kept you a secret from his ex bc he wanted the option to be with her.
This is where you break up with him.
What exactly is your wife inviting them too and with how much notice?
If it’s an “invitation” to babysit, no wonder. Hire a sitter. It’s not your parents’ job.
If it’s for another activity/dinner/whatever….perhaps they really are busy? ?♀️ My dad and step mom are retired and they’ve always got stuff going on. They take classes, meet with friends, take trips, go to the gym, whatever. Just because your parents are retired doesn’t mean they’re obligated to spend time with you guys.
Or perhaps they don’t particularly like how your kids behave or how you and your wife parent.
I think your wife is being ridiculous and owes your mother an apology.
You two decided to have kids. That doesn’t obligate anyone else to be present. And from personal experience, kids can have a nice relationship with grandparents they only see maybe a few weeks per year.