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Oh, he’s an asshole
Maybe spend sometime getting to know who you are again. Its easy to fall for someone who is there when we are going thru hard times. After being married for so long and everything that goes with it, we tend to lose ourselves and have no idea who we really are now. Take some real time to get to know who you are now. You may actually realize the married guy is not really what the new you desires. Good luck to you.
Ya over the phone never works go up in person and ask and if she says no either level up or find someone else
Also, you don’t need to have lots of money for Christmas, people don’t need lots of pointless stuff. Far too much money is spent on things people don’t need and end up getting trashed or going to landfill.
The money was needed for more than gifts and he’s a crappy father for blowing his money on “lapdances” rather than gifts for his children or like saving it. I mean talk about things people don’t need, lapdances are literally a waste of money.
Remove yourself from the group because you’re not a bridesmaid? Just because they’re not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean they’ll be excluded from the bach party and other wedding events. That stuff is nude to strategically plan, and typically you match the groomsmen numbers. These are people they’ve known for 5+ years probably, since they met in college. OP said they live far away, so distance is likely an issue with them maintaining a super close relationship, which is even difficult for adults that live! nearby. If there are 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids, and OP is the odd gal out #6, it’s likely because they aren’t as personally close as the 5 bridesmaids that live! in closer proximity. As someone that’s gone through this with college friends, it’s really not that deep and shouldn’t be worth losing friends over.
Remove yourself from the group because you’re not a bridesmaid? Just because they’re not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean they’ll be excluded from the bach party and other wedding events. That stuff is nude to strategically plan, and typically you match the groomsmen numbers. These are people they’ve known for 5+ years probably, since they met in college. OP said they live far away, so distance is likely an issue with them maintaining a super close relationship, which is even difficult for adults that live! nearby. If there are 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids, and OP is the odd gal out #6, it’s likely because they aren’t as personally close as the 5 bridesmaids that live! in closer proximity. As someone that’s gone through this with college friends, it’s really not that deep and shouldn’t be worth losing friends over.
Remove yourself from the group because you’re not a bridesmaid? Just because they’re not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean they’ll be excluded from the bach party and other wedding events. That stuff is very hot to strategically plan, and typically you match the groomsmen numbers. These are people they’ve known for 5+ years probably, since they met in college. OP said they on-line far away, so distance is likely an issue with them maintaining a super close relationship, which is even difficult for adults that live! nearby. If there are 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids, and OP is the odd gal out #6, it’s likely because they aren’t as personally close as the 5 bridesmaids that live in closer proximity. As someone that’s gone through this with college friends, it’s really not that deep and shouldn’t be worth losing friends over.
It's crazy to me that you're invalidating his feelings while complaining that he's invalidating yours.
He's 100% right. You aren't treating each other equally. If he has to exhibit a behaviour because you feel insecure if he does otherwise, you should, without even being asked, also do the same.
If he asked you to stop eating a certain type of food, and you agreed, would you be okay with him still eating that type of food? If this is a problem to you, I hope you can understand the comparison. However, you do sound quite self centred so I hope he wakes up and sees that too.
He’s lied about every other thing already, why is the protection bit the part you’re hanging on to? He’s a liar. He’s probably lying about the protection too. Get tested and get rid of the std that is your current boyfriend.
Telling your boyfriend not to watch movies with large breasted women is asinine. Why stop at that? Why not make him wear a shock collar and zap him as soon as he takes a glance? Or better yet just gouge out his eyes so he’ll never have the chance to make you feel bad. You’re ridiculous and seriously need to seek professional help for your insecurities.
Dang, that sounds a bit defeating to hear. I’m really hoping for the best. Thank you for your replies though!
So do a lot of dudes…
It's the first Christmas after separation and they are both trying to figure out premium time with their kids, and gov8ng their kids the best holiday. This isn't a completely unheard of arrangement.
You can create a sentimental evening any time. Have a “make up Christmas” on another day.
If you have an issue with him putting his kids first, which is often going to involve spending time with their mother, you probably should not date a single dad. Especially a dad who is newly single and still trying to figure all this out. Frankly, I've never understood single parents dating so quickly after divorce, especially to the point of having something serious before the divorce is final.
First, I'd like to say congratulations! Secondly, I really believe you love your girlfriend. The reason I say that is because she didn't just begin to have questionable habits. Also, she didn't just begin to put on extra weight. Lastly, you both aren't married yet so it is your choice to leave or not. If I was in your situation, I would separate lifestyles and continue to encourage her to grow into the person you need her to be. If there is another woman you have your eyes on, don't leave for that reason. The next woman will have other bad habits and she may put on weight as well! Good luck to you all!
And yes if we had female employees where I work I wouldn’t be “hanging” out with them
I would never be alone with a female unless I had to be for something for work.
Ultimately I do my best do be a good husband
Therapy is a good idea. You shouldn't move in until you're ready, and right now it sounds like you're looking for reasons you are not ready. That's OK, but forcing it isn't healthy.
This is part of the line of thinking I think I was worried about, she has explicitly mentioned self-sabotage before and I don't know if this is apart of that or if it is something different. I agree that cheating is cheating, which is apart of why my head is all over the place with this. I didn't want to write this off if it is apart of her mental stuggle. To be frank, her friends are really shit as well, one of them literally had wished I was there that night over video call saying that he will look after her and all the works and then was one of the few who were low key instigating her to stay with him as well. I have heard that people around you can have a big influence but I just don't know
I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say that’s not necessarily true.
One time when I was at a party my first semester of freshman year of college (I was single at the time however) I was with a group of people from high school and we were drinking and having a good time. Randomly I was on a bed with a dude from high school I had ABSOLUTELY ZERO relationship with – like we knew each other but ran with different crowds. We had overlapping friends and were aware of one another’s existence but we never really talked. He was the football popular dude type and I was part of the musician neural crowd. We were randomly laughing about something then we started making out and boom one night stand. We never spoke again afterwards and moved on with our lives.
You can definitely be drunk and just be lowered inhibitions without any real meaning behind it. Take it from a married 31 year old with a lot of life experience under her belt.
I think it's fine to feel weird about it. Like it's not porn where it's not real. It's real live naked attractive woman, in person with your partner. Taking to the group of men, trying to get them to buy them drinks and chat enough to convince them to pay for a private lapdance. Basically it's just a woman sexually arousing your partner and flirting with him, unless its a distance only club where they don't come over and are on a stage only. That's not ok for me with a random girl on a night out, why is it different because its a girl getting paid to do it?
I'm kind of the same as the other people here saying they don't get them. My partner gets plenty of sex at home to the point he doesn't need porn, but if he did, that's live! and available to him also whenever he needs. Why would he want to go and get turned on by other real women, who fake being interested in him for money. It's just bizarre to me.
I only know of 2 groups of guys who done the full going abroad and strip club thing. Where they went, the strip clubs are brothels also. My bf and his friends paid to sleep with prostitutes when they were younger at one. Bf said he couldn't get nude because he realised pretty quickly, the girl probably didn't want to have sex with him and alone in a room it suddenly just felt terrible.
The other one was a bunch of 30-40 year olds on a bachelor weekend. All bar 2 of them, including all the married men slept with girls from the strip club.
I think I've heard, seen enough, and don't feel any justifiable reason for my partner to go to a strip club to check out real naked women in person. So for me it's a boundary we've discussed, and that's fine for us. I'm not keen on it and his previous experience makes him not want to go anyway.
But more so than anything, I now work in financial crime for a bank. Investigating everything from basic scams, to exploitation and terrorism. The amount of girls in these places I've seen getting pimped, exploited and trafficked has totally blown my mind. They get paid in cash or bank transfers, then you see them and the other girls all transfer it to an older man's account. I kind of knew this happened elsewhere and does, but I didn't realise how much it happens in the UK. Given what I've seen, strip clubs and brothels are never going to be ok with me.
That being said, these are worst case outcomes. But we've not really evolved to want our partners to go out and watch or interact with women trying to sell them a sexual service. So it is totally OK not to feel good about it. You're not going to be able to change that if it's inherent to you. All you can do is decide to accept it if you trust him enough, that oogling other nakee women in real life isn't going to cause anything more than looking for him, and no unacceptable boundaries for you will be crossed.
Either you are ok with it completely, you're not ok with it at all, or you're not okay with and it makes you feel bad to some extent but you're going to let it happen anyway and just move past it, in which case the uncomfortable feeling is unlikely to go away until it's been and gone.
What race is foreign?
He is not interested in exclusivity and has let you known that. It isn't his job to reciprocate that, nor is it his failure if he does not want to be exclusive right now. It has only been a month and you have just barely established feelings
The toilet
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Honestly, there is no hard fast rule.
Everyone is different. Some people need lots of time alone to recharge. Some people need a lot of people around to feel recharged.
Like any other habit, it can be changed or stopped.
You go without him. and it is a crossroads in your relationship- he will not change so do you want to keep dealing with having to nag and mother him to do things you want to do? get yourself back into your industry and your old salary back . he wanted you to be dependent on him
Unfortunately, this isn't the place for “am I the asshole” questions. I hope you can find your answers, but I'm not going to share my thoughts on the matter. See Rule 3.
What specifically do you even like about him.
If I get pregnant
I don't really want to be that person OP, but if you are wanting to have children in the future, you should speak to your doctor. As you are now going through early menopause, your options for this are significantly changed.
However, if this is merely a comment on his feelings, please ignore me.
She’s not a nice person.
So your girlfriend is homophobic, misogynistic/misandrist, purposefully gets into physical alterations with other women and expects you to get involved, and… oh yes… is physically abusive?
The insight I have is that it's impossible to understand why you're with this person who is by all appearances absolutely terrible on every level and you should break up immediately.
Tell her she has to pay you rent beginning X day and if not. then she needs to find somewhere else to live.
Girl. Love yourself more than this and leave him. Asap. And block him on everything. Please.
Don't go to the match with him. Visit the concert. Enjoy the music. Enjoy the evening. You both have a good time and there's no need for hurt feelings.
Does it really matter how many previous partners she's had if she's in a closed relationship with you?
I'm going to try this again. If you're in a situation where your girlfriend is cockblocking you, maybe reconsider your choices.
Tell her. Let her decide if it’s too much to handle.
Think of it another way, if your time is limited, is there anyone else you’d rather spend it with?
My fiancé had a small stroke which led to finding a brain tumor (events unrelated) . I never considered abandoning him. We got married a few days before his surgery, which had a significant risk of not coming through ). I was there for him throughout the hospital and recovery, and am glad for it. He would do the exact same for me (and has previously).
If you love this woman, don’t shut her out. You’ll both hurt all the more for it
No. Unless your mom has made non-refundable purchases with the deposit money, she needs to return the money. She’s keeping the money not as a business decision but because she’s punishing your gf. Your mom doesn’t need to irredeemably wreck her relationship with her grandson’s mom over money. This is a foolish hill to die on.
i have ptsd. i'm not confused by my past trauma lmao. trauma can influence some dysfunctional thinking yes, but your girlfriend managed to cultivate a whole ideology due to ignorance and possibly also low intellect.
ideology is a result of the information we take in, and our critical thinking skills in analyzing that information. anyhoo, you seem to know that. you made the right call. her critical thinking abilities are unlikely to change dramatically. and that's a fundamental disconnect.
Leave.
Then her problems will no longer be your problems and you can on-line a normal life again
Just say your gf is beautiful and rich, they will be fine. Money talks in this world.
Others might not agree with me on the advice I’m about to give you. I think you should be honest with your boyfriend and tell him exactly what you’ve said here. If this is something that is this big of an issue then you should express this.
You have every right to feel this way in my opinion. You should be the person that he texts everyday about anything and everything. A friend even a best friend should not be that close. He is in a relationship with someone who is already his best friend and girlfriend.
On top of this they have been apart for two years almost three. A lot happens in those years. Voids are filled and new people come into your life. I’m not saying that he shouldn’t have female friends or male friends. But maybe not with this person anymore.
The next friend he makes maybe boundaries should be placed. It should be done in a way that you are his number one priority. I hope my ramblings have helped.
Eating the same diet
You really can’t eat the same diet as a tall fit man
he's been pouring poison in her ear for years. sadly, she might have to lose a lot more before she really wakes up. it sucks but you are much better off out of it.