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Dude your boyfriend is lying about hanging out with a pedo, is there any more that needs to be said? Leave his ass.
If you’re disgusted by him, the key thing is pretty irrelevant. Hand it back and get your stuff.
I mean, my neighbors had a key to my house. My partner had a key to my house and I had one to his years before we moved in together. We have spare keys to each others cars too. I don’t really see having a key as “moving in”.
Well, it’s her stuff. If you want it, buy it from her. If you don’t, then just tell her the dates you will be available for her to come move her stuff out.
Another option is to offer her a % because the stuff is used….
Suggest she get therapy for her insecurities.
Honestly I don't think she is in the right head space to be in a relationship with anyone, but its a little later for that.
Lol
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so confused and hurt. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it's understandable that you would be feeling this way. It's important to communicate your feelings and it sounds like you tried to do that. It's also important to respect each other's boundaries and it sounds like he has not been doing that. It's important to be honest and open with each other in order for a relationship to work. I hope you can find a way to communicate with him and come to an understanding that works for both of you.
Wow what a crappy person. He flirts with other women and then he puts stipulations on you after he is the one who screwed up??? This guy needs to gooooo, his love is conditional.
Thank you so much. I just feel very led on and I feel like he did me wrong. I don’t know if that’s in my head at all but feeling responsible for my own heartache is awful
Writing a letter might be the best way for you to go about things?
Girl
You're fundamentally dishonest, and a lousy husband. Just copy this and email it to your therapist before your next session.
Do you have any guy friends you can talk to? Or maybe your father is still alive? I think it would really help you to have a man explain that you need to stop blaming other people for your shortcomings and you need to stop expecting to find an easy way out. You need to grow up.
It is time to tell your wife that you want to divorce. You're not 14, so I should not have to explain that there is no reason to say that you have been miserable. Frankly, she has probably been more miserable than you have. You simply say that you have decided to end the marriage and want to focus on dissolving the marriage in a way that is least harmful to your children.
Normal and acceptable, but not a NORM in society, as they make up a small percentage of the population in comparison. You appear to have a difficult time comprehending simple Mathematical theories.
Many years ago I went on a date with a dude who told me he and his wife were separated but living together “for the kids”. During our date he started trickle-truthing that he wanted a separation but hadn't told her yet. She had no idea he was dating. I told him I wasn't interested in dating him (for that and other reasons) and he acted like I was the asshole. He even made a scene at the restaurant as I was leaving.
The whole point of having kids is (hopefully) to raise independent adults. If she wants something that never leaves, she should get a pet.
At some point you are going to have to make an escape plan for yourself and decide that your happiness is what you need to focus on. If you are happy as things are, stay. But please dream big and don't let the fear that your mom has been persistently programming into you stop you.
You don't need her permission or approval to spread your wings and fly.
Probably over. Dude likes what he likes and he thought you were something different
My partner is on the exact same antidepressants and his libido went down dramatically too, we have conversations about it as sometimes it does make me feel a little down but we’re both very cognisant that it’s the pills effect – nothing to do with our relationship or his attraction to me. I would never ask him to go off of his medication due to it, his mental health is far more important than my fleeting moments of insecurity (that he quickly shuts down).
Mental health is far more important than a lot of people recognise and the fact that you’re able to identify just how much they already help you – definitely do not go off of your meds. Hopefully a serious conversation between the two of you will be able to straighten it out, maybe there are alternate ways you could make her feel attractive other than sexual? More compliments, more long hugs/cuddles?
Either way, the only time you should ever stop taking your meds is when you are ready, not for someone else.
Don't feel bad for that AT ALL. Literally the only reason he's at a dingy hotel is to make you feel shitty. He has every ability to stay at a nicer place, but he knew if he stayed at a gross place you would feel bad. He's punishing you for protecting your child. I think you need a sitdown conversation about this when he gets back, and that he's a parent now and doesn;t get to be a baby anymore.
Just like he should've talked instead of going silent treatment…
So he's expected to communicate like a mature adult but she gets a free pass. Got it.
everyone is focusing on “fucking other people,” that's NOT necessarily what opening a relationship means
That's literally what it means. If there's no fucking happening them it's just a friendship with another person which I'd hope she'd already have.
also we don't know what happened previously. Maybe she DID raise issues, maybe this was a last resort SOLUTION to save the relationship
We can talk about Maybe's and if's all day. We can only go off of the information provided to us by OP. If other information were to come out, then we'd change our responses accordingly. But it hasn't, so we're not.
Who avoids talking about a happy childhood wtf??? Are these just social etiquettes that I’m not aware of?
Still making it about the possible rape, you're a literal troll
Yeah and the guy would always come second in the relationship. No thanks lmao
Gives me an ick too.
Not a desirable trait to say the least.
It also poses the risk of it being early signs anger issues.
I just blocked him on Instagram. I don’t know why he won’t just leave me alone. I think it’s obvious to everyone that read my post he doesn’t really care. So why not let me be?
I made it very clear to him that I was uncomfortable with A. I forgot to mention but she started following me on insta in July and I told him because I found it odd since I don't know her, she then stopped following me and later on added me again. I just find the whole situation weird.
After I confronted him about what my friend told me, he said that he would avoid contact with her to not make me uncomfortable.
To add on, they were never close friends or anything like that. They met last year through a friend of A that also wanted to get with him.
Comedian Mike Birbiglia has a bit where he talks about his issues with sleepwalking and how he has a sleeping bag to sleep in and mittens so he can't get out of the bag.
Sleepwalking and sexsomnia are terrifying.
If she's not cheating and he's not providing for his wife then why did she cry when she got served divorce papers and immediately move to Cyan's home?
You're delusional.
Exactly what is but to conversate back is where I felt she was wrong
Whatever money you may receive from your parents estate should remain your separate property! Open another account in Your Name Only! If you commingle inherited money with joint funds, you will essentially be gifting this money to your husband. Any money you receive belongs to you. Anyone who lacks empathy and sympathy for you in your grief does not deserve a dime from your parents.
I can’t even read this. He had just gotten out of a relationship that started when you were a BABY??????? Therapy is needed ASAP for why you didn’t run for the hills over that
How did you make it past dating if she's like this? Why would you put up with this even a single time during the getting-to-know-each-other phase?
Just tell her that unlike her you wouldn’t abandon your family or betray their trust and to quit projecting her own insecurities on you.
Geez. Something to look forward to. 🙁
You need a wider support system than this guy. He's not gonna provide the stability you crave, or the affection. Following him will fuck you up, you know it, your therapist will tell you so, and honestly you should have broken up with him a long time ago. You can't trust him to be honest with you, let alone reliable when you need him. Yes, it is scary, no, it is not easy, but your trying to drag this out does not give it all a better chance of working out for you. Being autistic with CPTSD means you are extra vulnerable to being manipulated by others, from a one-two punch of hyperempathy and hypervigilance. Your first priority needs to be figuring out how to best support and protect yourself, and he is emphatically not that. (All that said, if you have any questions about navigating autism and cptsd, I've worked with a lot of us and you can message me. Welcome to the fold! Congrats on your journey of self-discovery and validation!)
My mentor for my apprenticeship did this with me and all her employees. When we would be upset and didn’t “accept her joke”, she would pull the ol’ “fuck you, pussy, you can’t a take a joke” tactic. It’s so toxic, humiliating and downright abusive. With your relationship still being so new, I can only assume it will escalate and become even more nefarious. I’m sorry you’re going through this. A lot of us have probably experienced this treatment and we’re all mad as hell on your behalf, OP. ?
Go to the public library, and start looking for books on relationships. Some suggestions:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver After the Affair, by Janis Spring The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller
Here's why I suggest these books:
Gottman's book is based on observations of how married couples interact, combined with how they turned out over time (for instance, did they divorce? consider themselves happily married?). He gives examples of construction behaviors and destructive ones, and they may not be what you would think. For instance, arguing and fighting in a relationship isn't a sign of doom, but how a couple argues could very well be. Reading this book can help you understand the way in which successful long-term couples interact, and possible problem behaviors to watch out for (even if they are inside yourself).
Spring's book is intended for couples who are dealing with infidelity, bot the hurt partner and the unfaithful partner. But Spring, a marriage counselor, gives a good understanding of the emotional issues involved, some idea of the factors which can contribute to infidelity, and the sorts of things a couple can do if they want to rebuild trust and intimacy in their relationship. I think this latter section will be useful to you, but some of things that can bring about infidelity may get you to see some behavior or attitudes in a different way.
Chapman's book is about how love is an active process, not a feeling you experience passively. Realizing that the way couples show love to each other is something that is chosen, that they can decide how to interact, is important.
Bancroft's book I own, but haven't read yet. I've heard very good things about it. It may help you understand what you faced in your marriage, and how you weren't really the cause of the problems (because it might feel like you were).
Peck's book is old, one of the original self-help books from decades ago. It gets a bit mystical in its later sections, but his earlier ones talk about his experiences as a psychiatrist, and he gives case studies to illustrate important points in being an adult and dealing with others.
Miller's book is not about genius children, but how every child has the gift to numb themselves to abuse or neglect from a parent. While you didn't face this from a parent (as far as I know), reading the book may help you to understand and process the treatment you did receive from your husband.
The key thing is to understand that these books can provide you a framework on which to support yourself, where you can understand your emotions and struggles, and see how you need to grow and change. You won't read a book and get an instant change. Instead, think of reading a book as realizing that this species of plant will do better in that location and with this soil addition, and it will take months before you see results. Wearing a cast on a broken arm doesn't fix the arm, it just supports it while it grows back together.
While this isn't a substitute for therapy, reading such books can make you aware of the ways in which relationships work, and fail to work. It can help you get some sense of normalcy in a relationship — what real couples do who aren't dealing with abuse — so that you can begin to see what's going on in your life.
Apart from this, look to see if you can find a community mental health center. A shelter for women dealing with abuse may also be able to recommend some therapeutic approaches for you. Some churches may offer counseling with the pastor in such things, though different churches have different attitudes about what counts as abuse.
Good luck to you! If you like, feel free to DM to chat if your have questions.
You get a new girlfriend.
I’m not sure what tool you’re looking for. Instead of speaking your first thought out loud, don’t.
Dude seems to be self centered and lacking empathy
I'm sorry but that would be a deal breaker for me. I would not be able to stay in a relationship with a man who essentially pimped me out to someone else.
She told you?
I think you are just now finding out about his true character; he doesn’t care about you or your pain or tiredness. Only sex, if you have kids it will be hell for you and you’ll be doing all the work whilst he begs you for sex and ignores your pain. Get back on birth control and note this moment. Honestly I would just stop having srx with him all together. This isn’t someone you want to have kids with.
She's got to put on her finest red panties. The ones with an opening on them. She puts whipping cream all over those lips….or maybe inserts a taco in there. He comes back from work hungry and sees her there in all her glory. Lunch prepared. She has removed all the food from the house and that taco and whipping cream is the only thing around. He goes right in. See? Just like that. Solving things like adults.
Ya the fact that she said that to you means she has zero respect for you.
Losing a job is stressful and your wife is allowed to have a stray bad thought. But the fact she said that allowed an uttered those words to you is a slap in the face to you!
Can't think of any man who would put up with qhat I have. You don't know wtf you're even talking about.
What do you hope his parents will do with this information?
This isn't that black or white. They can find another renter, they can get a second mortgage, they can sell and move somewhere they can afford.
She should be paying rent if she lives there, but she's not responsible for their financial decisions once she's ready to move out.
She sounds really enmeshed, so think how/whether you can handle it if that doesn't change.
Also, you said “we” are planning to move out. Are you living there too, with dating less than 6 months?
Good luck! I hope your boss gets rid of this colossal AH.