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This is a huge betrayal. He doesn’t trust you. He thinks you’re a cheater. He won’t communicate problems directly to you. He’s telling his ex he doesn’t trust you and coming up sigh secret plans with her. Each one of those things is a massive problem. And he sees nothing wrong with how he’s approached things so these issues will come up again and again because why would he change when he thinks he’s handled everything correctly. You’re not overreacting.
Could you imagine if instead of telling her today:
A) in a month she tells you about her boyfriend and in 6 months tells you she must stay away from you because he is jealous
Or
B) trying to not lose your best friend, you find yourself a girlfriend and then your best friend just ghosts you and 18 months from now you learn she was devastated that you didn't feel for her as she felt for you and convinced all mutual friends that you were leading her on, so they never communicated with you?
Imagine all the hurt that could come by fear of talking to your best friend about the most important aspect of your life.
What happened with us will just further solidify our “not being able to get over your first love” issues.
hm, I guess that is one creative way to look at it. one might also suggest it's the result of you hanging out with your ex while drunk. (or “not drunk”, since you insist that alcohol wasn't the reason why this happened…)
I feel like an utter trash as my partner doesn’t deserve it, and neither does his partner.
he doesn't, and he is owed the truth. just like you got to make those awful decisions about your relationship, he should have the chance to decide your collective fate, as well.
this is why “i just need closure!!!_ is bullshit 99% of the time. I'm only one person, but in my experience, it's never about actual closure, it's just one last chance to try to reverse course on the decision to split up… if not by both parties, often by one or the other.
so yeah, the honest thing to do would be to come clean with your bf. if Mr. Also-Thinks-About-The-WhatIfs has any class– doubtful– he'd talk with his girlfriend, too.
lastly: I notice you allude to alcohol and then quickly handwave that away as a cause. lol, you were just “kind of” under the influence, huh? just like you only “kind of” cheated on your bf…?
my advice is to take drinking a bit more seriously. “kind of” sounds exactly like someone who was more drunk than they should have been but isn't mature enough to admit. you seem to be unwilling to accept its affects on peoples' decisionmaking; might be good to wise up a little in this area.