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The reason I asked my kid about it is because I didn't think my MIL would lie to me about something like that but it was also out of place for my kid. She accepts that she doesn't have a sister, she's come to terms with it, but it was a big sleepover with all her cousins and she says she just let it get to her. My kid didn't mention any crying when she came home, so if she was upset, for whatever reason, I wanted to know about it. But this is a conversation me and her have had many times and it's old news, which is probably why she didn't say anything about it.
As for the phone call, she was calling because she asked me to call and I didn't get an answer. We had plans that day and it was, as I said, super unorganized. When I couldn't reach anyone, my daughter started calling. I told her they were busy or not around their phones and to let it go. She waited a while and called again, this time with an answer. I know I felt ambushed, so I can understand MIL feeling that way. But her first response was that I was the person telling my kid she was left out. Which I wouldn't do, not to protect MIL but because that would hurt my kid.
I suggested something like a sit down that to my husband but he doesn't think it's going to solve anything. We have never, EVER, kept her from our kids. Not even when we are all fighting. Proof of that is us going to this family function next weekend. My husband would gladly cancel, but it would negatively effect the kids and that's not fair. But she still says this, every time. I can't tell her, hey this thing you do is not okay, because immediately, I'm the bad guy and I'm going to keep my kids and my husband from their family. So I agree with my husband that it won't solve anything.
As for my kid feeling left out, I explained to her that sometimes things go wrong and no one was intentionally leaving her out. We had family from out of state come in and they stayed with another family member and all those kids were together because of that. One of the kids sent a text and my kid realized they were all together without her. We talked about it a lot and she understands that it wasn't anything anyone planned to do to her. But in that moment, that's how she felt and I couldn't give her an answer because I didn't have one.
If I even mention her losing access, for any reason, she'll get the entire family involved. And my kids will lose more than just her. They're a very tight knit clique. But a lot of small things have added up, my oldest is realizing she breaks a lot of promises. There's a reason her first reaction was that she was left out. So… guess that's a battle I'll have to face eventually.
Lawyer up. He’s gone, you have a baby now, the baby comes first. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t share responsibility. Lawyer up, get child support and move on from this deadbeat.
Do you really think the two of you make a good match? There seem to be a lot of complications.
Do you think your husband is a shitty person? Because the way your mother describes it the women don't sound thrilled about their “open” marriages. So their husbands must be pretty shit if they're willing to hurt their wives.
If your husband isn't a POS you're golden. He's told you he wants monogamy. Do you have any reason to believe he would lie to you? Is there anything about his personality or your history with him that makes you think he's a liar or a cheater?
Because if not your problem isn't with your marriage. It might be as simple as having negative internalized feelings around this topic and feeling insecure as a result.
Your mother was out of line. If she brings it up again just say. “If my husband was a piece of shit I'd leave him. We agreed to monogamy. Since my husband isn't a pile of dog crap we're going to stick with the original plan. I'm sorry your friends are yoked to such subpar husbands but their mistakes are not relevant to my situation. Don't bring this up again.”
Don’t pursue. Simple. Restraint. Avoid him. Simple. And just to ever go there. Simple. Get with someone who hasn’t fucked your sister and who isn’t your nephews father.