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Time to lawyer up and get a divorce, methinks.
You have utterly missed the point.
None of us here can tell you what to do. YOU need to decide what tradeoffs you're willing to make.
In order to make a decision about those tradeoffs, you need to be much clearer about WHY you want to tell her – and be honest with yourself.
Based on your post and your reply, it seems like your reasons are:
Revenge. You want to punish him, so want to tell her to blow up his life. Guilt. You feel guilty about the affair and tell her to make yourself feel better. Penance. You want to punish yourself for the affair. Patronizing. You want to save her from him. If she has a swinger page, why do you think she'd actually care?
My point is that you will never be able to figure out whether the tradeoffs and potential backlash of his sending your pix out are “worth it” until you are clearer about WHY you want to tell her.
Without such self-introspection, you may find the price you pay of his sending your pix out and blowing up your life may not feel like it was worth it in the end.
It's not about what I believe or don't believe. YOU need to make an informed decision which your post seemed to lack the self-awareness to make.
It's a simple thing…..she moved to a big college campus and had her pick of the guys there. She started seeing other guys behind your back and then started hooking up with them. She called you to ask about an open relationship because she was feeling slightly guilty. You said no, so she decided her new hookup lifestyle was a better option than you and dumped you. Sorry but there it is. It had nothing to do with who you are. It's totally on her. Your LDR wasn't successful. Find a new Girlfriend and move on with your life. You're better off not having any contact with your now ex as it will only upset you while she's posting the guy de jure on her FB Insta, etc… Just move on with your life and forget about her
Not sure how it works in the US, but where I online you have to be legally married to add someone to your health insurance plan coverage as a dependent. In many cases, having one principal + one dependent costs cheaper than having two principals.
Also, many hospitals do not consider unmarried couples to be family to each other no matter how long they've been together, meaning you can't visit them in the ICU or be there in any “family only” ocasions.
not really true
That is the typical abuser's playbook. They will shower you with love and gifts and treat you like royalty until you let you guards down. Then they start taking control over your life, and then they abuse you. It only gets worse from here.
Also remember that he used to see other girls while you were dating. If you come back to him, there is no guarantee he won't do it again.
What is your boyfriends psychatric condition and how did you
come to find yourself enmeshed in it?
The whole “better than me” thing is a bit concerning.
It may be time to take an inventory. What do you do for him? How do you treat him? If it is the case that he treats you so well, so you reciprocate? How do you communicate with him? Do you treat him well? Do you treat him like the man in the relationship?
If you answer poorly with any of those questions, may want to reassess your effort. If you’re solid with how you approach your relationship, you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about assuming he’s a relatively mature adult.
Better yet, if the OP were to think of the types of people she would avoid interacting with and substitute the soon to be ex-husband face and likeness on it, it will be easier to accept.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them! They don’t change, that is who they are.
If you want to be polite (or absolute have to be for some reason) you can say “I’ve never felt better” and change the subject but you are under ZERO obligation to be nice to people who are coming out with unsolicited insults. I generally just say literally no one asked for your input so I’m gonna go ahead and spend my valuable time as far away from you as humanly possible
It's a very hot thing to grasp when the person you envisioned your entire life with betrays you like this. I wish I could have noticed some sort of clues. I wish there was other times that I could uncover. I was completely blindsided by this and am still coming to terms with what occurred.
As I said I feel ashamed for even considering it. But there's just something in me that wants to see her take steps to get help and find a way back.
Please don't call sex workers hookers. It dehumanizes them and increases their fatality rate
I mean, continuing to trigger her sensory issues when she’s said to stop isn’t really a “habit”, it’s abuse. You don’t need to give multiple warnings to stop abuse. If he did the mouth thing once after the warning, saw her reaction, and stopped, that’d be one thing, but she should never have to tolerate him violating her boundaries again, while she’s begging him to stop
My abusive ex hit me, yelled at me, set off my sensory issues and kicked a door down during an argument. I tried to remove myself from the situation and she kicked the fucking door down. I still didn't hit her. I left the house.
If you read the comments you may notice something. A lot of the comparisons to OPs gf sharing a fantasy while having a conversation with her partner about fantasies involve either physical violence or at least verbal attacks. Do you find it strange that all these people giving advice on how to have a healthy relationship view a fantasy she was asked about in equal standing as calling a partner a bitch? Or that the prevailing message is if your partner asks about your fantasies you should tell them what they want to hear? There's not a lot of” if you're unprepared to know the answer don't ask.” There's not a lot of “she said she didn't want to act on the fantasy maybe you should be able to trust your fucking partner who was already honest with you.” Which is what my original comment was about. If you are afraid of being honest with your partner or opening up about things that may be uncomfortable or embarrassing or relevant to your sex life. What. Is. The. Fucking. Point.
You talked her into staying, so now you have an obligation to help her out. Good thing she is a good long term match for you.
I think you should be a standup guy and help her as best you can, and don’t make it contingent on her savings or anything. It is a gift you are giving her because you feel responsible, and because you like (love?) her.
At 21 you may not be ready to marry, but you are ready to commit to a possible future wife. If she is as responsible and appreciative as you indicate, it will be well worth it.
He honestly sounds like about the dumbest man alive. He has no idea about how power actualy works. You could turn his life into a pile of rubble and he threatens you with court. Dude is living in the wrong century.
If he has a good income or property then for him Family court is figurative meat grinder where he (the father) goes in one side and a pile of money and houses come out the other side.
Just smile take contenporaneous notes. Judges love it when a man threatens to take children away from a mother through the court.
You handled it better than I would have, tbh.
As an early 40’s M, I can tell you that most guys mellow out at a certain point. They’re also not going out nearly as much (or at all). Plus the more self aware of us understand that behavior that might have been seen as charming or funny when you were a younger man can come across as creepy from an older man.
I was never a serial flirter but am friends with plenty of guys who used to be. They all stopped as they got older and had more family commitments.
We tend to think that only children outgrow behaviors, but it happens with adults, too.
I’m not understanding where you are getting opening the relationship has anything to do with anything here? Sounds like you spewed a bunch of crap in order to hide the face you want to fuck other people. Just say that.
I’m not understanding where you are getting opening the relationship has anything to do with anything here? Sounds like you spewed a bunch of crap in order to hide the face you want to fuck other people. Just say that.
There's a thing called compromise. She refuses in this one particular thing, you know how she'll act in the future for other situations.
Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
The number of times people come here to cry because they got burned by their own actions…. Will never cease to amaze me.
I would say in a normal loving relationship, there is not name calling, attacks, blame shifting, etc.
She seems toxic and abusive and not just to you. Your children are seeing the things she says. Your children deserve a healthy environment
Is this a new behavior after the baby (PPD type of thing, in which case counseling might still be an option)
Or has she always been abusive? (In which case, couples therapy is not healthy. Abusers take advantage of therapy. But I still recommend individual therapy to deal with the abuse you’ve been through)
Nothing wrong with nostalgia.
Something wrong with insisting a partner wear matching nostalgia-clothing when they clearly don't share the same feelings of nostalgia.
Disney is your thing. Your error was trying to foist it onto him. That's what he meant about cults or religion – they tend to be known for proselytizing.
Don't just leave. Run! Your girl has violated your trust and tried to make you a parent before you're ready. What she has done is unforgivable and beyond messed up imo.
Yeah you are right. Nobody is entitled to invade their partners privacy and I do take responsibility for the fact I went through his phone. The suspicion crept up and I had a moment of weakness which caused me to peep a few looks on his phone and I know it’s not right of me to have done that.
You may always regret it if you don’t go to your graduation. Graduating Medical School is a huge deal, and you worked so very hot to get there. Also, isn’t this when you take the Hippocratic Oath? It’s a really special ceremony.
I had this same predicament, it was my graduation day or my brothers wedding, I went to the wedding, and to be honest it was the right decision, as graduation day was getting a bit of paper, seeing my brother get married to his wife with all my family was way more special.
So OP are the consequences for cheating and playing FIFA the same? What if you cheat and play FIFA at the same time? ?/s
Seems like there’s a detail missing or need to open more about this female colleague..
Sounds perfectly normal and healthy. What do you want advice about?
i think, in point form:
never look at your partners chats, you're bound to see some sort of backhander or complaint about you if you do, but its just a chat session, they were comparing their lives, people do that. he chose you and has stayed with you. he knows enough to realise personality trumps looks you can use this opportunity to get closer by discussing why you are with each other. he seems like a decent guy who loves you. its perhaps a bit shit he talked about you with his friend, maybe thats something you might ask he not do in future.
it's pretty obvious that op has one foot out the door ( after one year of separation, he would have to be but I digress.
at the same time, the wife wants him to make permanent body modifications. yes a vasectomy is vastly less taxing on the body than tubal ligation … but this is not the way to go.
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So it's her birthday tomorrow…
She asked me to take her shopping a week before so I set a budget and we bought clothes.
Tomorrow I have flowers, chocolates and will wrap her gifts up, even though she knows what they are. I bought her favorite cake and plan to make her an amazing meal in the evening.
In the morning, I'll fill the entire place with 50 or so balloons for when she wakes up.
On the weekend we are going for afternoon tea and I've booked an adult mini golf night for us both. I've spent well over £400 on the entire thing.
She says she is disappointed… that I should have done more. That she already knows what her gifts are etc… that she doesn't want to go and play golf and would rather not go.
What the fuck did I do wrong?
My sense is this is about the issues between her and her family, and you think it's about you. She may be ashamed of them, unwilling to make you out up with their sh!t or whatever. Don't take it personally
Lmao yep
BPD is not bipolar, just a little fyi.
Why is marriage so important to you? Are you heavily religious? Nefore this conversation did you make any attempts to propose to him?
This post seems a bit one-sided, we know why he doesn't want it but we don't know why you do or why you can't reconcile with his point of view
Yes it would. A lot of men don't understand that fact, all assets gathered together during a long term relationship can be legally split even if not legally married. Girlfriends and boyfriends can be entitled to palimony and community property laws even if common law doesn't apply.
How is this a question? File a police report! He took advantage of a child!
I highly recommend keeping your pants zipped until you sort through this.
I can assure you that nobody actually cares what your armpits look like. Your husband is a douche for no reason. Go out and enjoy the sun on your own. If he wants to pout like a little child because of your dress, let him.
what do you mean “allegedly”? Like, he actually means they're for you or what?
I had the same problem with pms. But only during my relationship. Not before it. Not after it. Only during. And we are divorced now. I have come to realize that perhaps hormones did play a role, but the bigger role was played by the fact that behind many hormonally crazy women, there's a man who makes her crazy.
So my question to you is: should you perhaps always get upset and hurt about these things? In de sense of: are you putting up with behaviour too much – until you can't anymore?
i wouldn't let her move in. MILs are meddling, nosy busy bodys. I hope you have the strength to not accept it. It's difficult so good luck
This is wrong … until you both get married you both can’t have one join bank account …. You both just financially incompatible, the fact that you want somthing where he doesn’t want and that what making your relationship very hot to move forward. Either you stop being controlling or break up.