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Either he cheated or he is on drugs. I am sorry you have to go through this. I would ask him, what were you doing at a hotel? And let’s see what he has to tell, but I would end the relationship, once trust is broken it will never be the same.
Always this ⬆️⬆️⬆️
I never understand those who call for an immediate confrontation and exit. Planning is important and getting financial info is key. Especially if the OP isn’t working or isn’t the main household income.
You married the devil, sadly the laws are favouring her so before doing anything you should talk to a lawyer, but I'd get out of there.
Have some self respect. She’s walking all over you and you’re staying for what? More hurtful comments and by extension hurt feelings? She’s shown you her true colours, every second you spend together from here moving forwards is because you chose to stay and suffer. You’re choosing this, I would recommend you leave her and chose something better, before she does.
Sounds like a great dad. He may not be for you though if things like this are going to upset and concern you. You are not his priority here. If that's not good for you then move onto someone where you are.
He sounds like a nightmare. How would you ever resolve any me legitimate relationship issues? I’m guessing you’ve just been playing the bigger person for the last four years. That’s gotta be exhausting.
Fuck that guy.
You don’t have a very loyal wife. Why is she still communicating with her old lover?
Yeah, that's exactly how it goes ?
By now most of my friends are either autistic or adhd too so we can happily relate to each other all day.
Personally, if I'm dating someone, I'd want to be there with them for important events. I know people aren't always into things that their SO are into. And that's fine. But you should want to support your SO in things. Also, I don't understand why after all this time she hasn't met your mom. That to me would make me pause, especially with marriage plans.
Remember, this isn't some kid the BF doesn't know that he would need to guess these things about. The BF is in a position to have a very clear idea of how athletic Jacob is.
Under no circumstances should someone who is “mostly a bench player” be getting an award for [gender] athlete of the year. That is an award for someone who reliably produces measurably outstanding results, someone who the coach wants on the field at all times.
And here's the thing. I'm pretty sure Jacob knows this. He knows that there are players who are better than him. He knows he got an award he didn't earn. Can't imagine he feels good about it.
This crap is not how we end transphobia; this is how you make it worse.
Less than a week ago there was a post almost like this just with a son and ended with the question on how to make him stop.
I will say here what I said there. You can't. He is abusive and not a good dad if he targets even one child to abuse ( which is very typical of abusers btw) And so far you are an enabler of his abuse, maybe because you did not know what it was. But now that you have been likely informed you have the choice to protect your daughter from more psychological damage and possible suicidal ideology in her adults years and the only way you are going to do that is removing the abuser from her life. Btw even the kids he treats well suffer as they see what is done to their sister.
It’s higher than that, you’re not a geneticist or scientist I can clearly see. Hair and eye color are multi gene traits and you can have blue eyes and carry brown eyes genes if they are fewer in number than the blue eyed genes, if the father has a similar profile, you can two blue eyed parents with a brown eyed child. It happens. I suggest a remedial biology course.
Paternity test. Don't sign anything until you know it's yours.
Agreed, and who cares if you take pride in your hair? Many people do just like they take care of their skin, or their workout routines, what they eat, the list continues. This is straight up abusive. I would never feel comfortable falling asleep around him again or even having him in my space.
This is a controlling and abusive behavior. He will force you to change something he wants you to change regardless of how you feel about it. Honestly if I were you I’d struggle to not just see red. Some haircare journeys are harder than others, not everyone can just grow luscious locks back by the next year.
Op, did you see any signs prior to this incident of controlling behavior?
It’s over man. At 25 she’s still not committed to you. This will only get worse, and if she wants to “try girls,” you might as well just leave.
I'm not sure, maybe? Like I said, I don't even know what he looks like and we have a pretty large age gap.
The one thing I still can’t understand, is were her reasons behind it malicious? Did she send the video knowing how it would make me feel
(He doesn’t want dudes seeing me without him)
Come on now.
What the hell do I do?
Do it anyway. Unless you think he will be violent, in which case call someone you trust and get out.
Take up hobbies; painting, knitting, reading good books while drinking tea or your favorite beverage, play an instrument, join a book club, etcetera. Consider it time to focus on yourself and what you want to do with your life. Enroll in trade school or college if you want. Take nice walks. Bubble baths with good music also help.
Dude. The doghouse threat is like the eighth worst thing he's done in this post. Dump the cunt, he's an abusive fuck
Before she leaves in a bodybag.
You responded to my random comment by accident haha i was like “wtf is he/she saying”
Is it possible she's speaking to this dude about some regrets and guilt she may be feeling? Abortion is a super tough thing to decide on, damned if you do damned if you don't.
Perhaps she's speaking to him more in a spiritual way, and that might be uncomfortable for her to talk to you about atm.
Cos I'm just thinking, why tell the Christian dude about the abortion (knowing stats on Christian males and abortions), maybe she's seeking god/forgiveness/comfort? Idk. I'm not her.
But you say she's cut up about the abortion so it also could have just slipped her mind to tell you about catching up with him beforehand.
I would encourage you atm to just talk with her openly, not in a way that's like calling her out, but maybe showing interest in what she's been chatting with him about maybe?
You don’t deserve this. At the end of the day, she either loves you enough to stop this nonsense, or she doesn’t. I wish you well…here if you need anything.
Look, I’ve dated single dads before. It’s not a deal breaker for everyone. With that said, dishonesty is a dealbreaker for me. If someone hid the fact they had a child from me, that would be a red flag. I prefer to have all the information up front so I can decide for myself if it’s something I want to move forward with.
Furthermore, it’s a huge red flag if someone wants to introduce me to their kid too soon. It’s not good for the child, and I don’t want to get attached to a kiddo and then have it not work out with the dad.
Another red flag dating single parents is the relationship with the other parent. You don’t need to be best friends, but if you’re constantly speaking negatively about the other parent/unable to communicate with them, that’s a red flag for me as well.
I don’t think anyone is telling you to bring your child around right away, but if you’re looking for a partner, honesty is always the best policy.
Ive got a mortgage and a kid I have nothing I can’t just leave I literally
What's wrong with you? Grow up.
Oh my God.
‘How can you let them be friends after this?’
The only person whose friends you can determine is your own.
You can tell her why you feel uncomfortable and find a way to work through these issues together, but you can’t forbid an adult person from having friends.
If you’re really unhappy with it then walk away.
I'm moreso asking if her telling things like this is normal
you’re not helping man. We’re supposed to help him.
No where does it state he was having unprotected sex. Protection is not 100% effective.
I need to see the pictures to give a solid answer to your question.
Despite the wall of text, we are missing a lot of information here. Does he drink or use any substances? Do you want to, or do you just think you need to in order to make friends? I am also unclear on his acceptance/unacceptance process and whether you have had a real discussion or he just laid down the law. How you having a drink with a friend mean they know more about you than he does? Also, boundaries are about how people treat him, not his ability to impose rules on you.
Don’t waste your youth on this asshat
I think people make too much out of privacy in these cases. The simple line is while you were together he was committing and requesting sexual acts you are unhappy with. He will not change.
If you do not like this behaviour in your relationship split up – he will not change.
Do jot bother about telling why. You are not married – you can leave without any issues..
I don’t owe her shit, It’s a dude that has a crush with a girlfriend and makes a issue because she shut him down after past attempts I’ll handle it.
It's 33% each. Three people, everything 3 ways. The fact they choose to sleep together should not cause you to have to subsidise their lives.
If they try and argue, bin the idea off, or demand you rent a 3 bed spa ce so each have a private space.
It was me, and then we calmed down n then she went for it.
When there's no respect in a relationship, you can't come back from that. She doesn't respect you at all. She's only apologizing because she pushed too far and you stopped enduring her BS.
You are a perfectly normal human being. Leave this person.
Unfortunately, there isn't the kind of closure you seek, in branding up with a cheater. And yes, you are doing to have to come to terms that it was all a lie.
The grace for you lies in realizing you can go forward in your life without that now. He stole the past several months from you, but you've reclaimed the rest of your life. Don't berate yourself for not knowing; you were lied to, and there isn't shame in believing your partner. The shame is HIS alone. Yeah, fuck you Bryan! I was married to a serial cheater for 25 years and truly didn't know, until I found out. I separated and divorced very quickly, when it became clear he just continued to lie about it. It's the giant regret of my life, I have up so much to be his wife – he was a military officer and we moved all the time. I raised two kids under those tough conditions. But you know what? I did a fucking fantastic job I was a terrific (faithful) wife, made him look great on the job, raised well behaved, smart daughters who were a credit to him… none of that ceases to be true, just because he couldn't behave himself. He has a character disorder, clearly – and that's not on me.
What I did get, was the rest of my life free from looking after his ungrateful cheating, and the lies that bloom from his toxic tongue.
You need to spend some time single and working on yourself: this is a season to treat yourself kindly, reconnect with platonic friends who really make you feel like your authentic, fulfilled self. Pick up a new hobby or two. Explore your city, take a little roadtrip. Think of it as dating yourself for a bit. Connect with a therapist for awhile if you're still struggling to put the deception into context and can't find a healthy perspective for yourself – it can be so, so helpful and really help you fix your perception of relationships, expectations, and essentially “fix your picker.”
I divorced my ex 10 years ago now, and I've had a terrific time meeting my real self, even though I was in my mid 40s at that point. I've been with a genuinely sweet hyper-faithful guy for the last 6. He treats me like a precious thing, thinks he's lucky to have me. Acts like he struck gold everytime he comes home and I've got dinner in the oven. (He was a bachelor for a long time, after divorcing a cheater too.)
I wish you the best. I'm sorry that your reality has that there aren't answers when you leave a cheater, but that's his it works. I'm sure you were a great girlfriend to him – and you get to keep that! You'll be a great partner to whomever comes next. I understand the desire to make sense of it all, but resist the desire to seek that out from him – just be No Contact, block him everywhere, and do what you can to move forward and heal your hurt on your own.
Again: Not all men, but somehow always a man.
Him accusing her of cheating doesn't mean she was actually treating.
Honestly, I would say maybe, but literally she has been so busy, there is no time to see someone. She works with literally only women. She is straight. She comes directly home from work.
She has no time to casually meet up with someone. Maaaaybe she could be chatting with someone on-line, but there's no way she could have met with them.
He doesn't want a romantic relationship with you.
Repeat that to yourself- he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me.
You want something that he doesn't want to give to you.
Best to end it now (instead of naively believing that sleeping with him, nor being convenient and available will change his mind) before your feelings get even more hurt.
That's true. Too bad, the brother is not sterile like him
“Hey OP, let me blatantly disrespect our relationship so I can boost my clearly overinflated ego for clout with my friends and for that sweet sweet click culture”
Yeah, no, I'd be absolutely livid with my partner to the point of breaking up not if they follow through with such a scenario, oh no sir, I'd break up because they came to me period.
So disrespectful to your relationship that it's mine boggling.
If you aren't happy then leave. Simple as that.
I would think this is rather positive, since she must enjoy masturbating. she gets to finish every time she wants to (so I would take it as a compliment)
the only right way
“we’ve had sex 3 times so she’s not using me” y’all have been dating 2 month, only had sex 3 times, and you’re spending 10k a month on her. where do I sign up ???
Your first point relates to caregiver burnout. You’re tired and unsatisfied with your relationship which explains but doesn’t excuse your second point.
Does she have the financial means to hire a full time caretaker?