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Yeah right. He's the trash here. Those red flags is really intriguing. Hope she finally set her self free.
Okay- I’m going to say something that I wish someone told me at your age:
However you got to where your body is right now- you look good. And you can rock any character you want- it is just a matter of figuring out how to make it work so it shows off your best assets. And trust me- there are plenty of people out there who would think a Wednesday Addams with boobs and a butt is nude AF. Jenna Ortega even told a cosplayer who was bigger than her all around that she looked better as Wednesday than she did. There’s a video of it somewhere.
You do not need to diet. You do not need to lose weight. If you have a predisposition towards unhealthy practices that could lead to an ED- maybe it is time to seek help. You would be in good company. But at 19 your metabolism is likely humming along like a well-oiled machine and fucking with that doesn’t do you any favors.
Embrace your 19 year old ass and tell your boyfriend that if he ever remarks on any part of you being too fat again he can kiss it as you walk out the door.
My experience is that people say shit like this to their partners when they are insecure assholes who feel safe by making their partner feel less than. Don’t accept that from anyone.
Personally, I don't think deliberately trying to sabotage this fantastic relationship is not the way to go.
Your girlfriend not being jealous is a GOOD thing. She trusts you. She's secure in herself and in your relationship. Why would you intentionally try to manipulate her into a negative and unhealthy reaction?
This is a big You problem, not a her problem.
You are so close to getting the point it’s laughable.
The patriarchy also does not benefit men and is a capitalistic system in which no singular gender truly benefits, but the upper classes. Yes… a factory worker in the 19th century was essentially a work slave, and the women back home were domestic slaves (but let’s not forget most factory worker males in the industrial era had wives who were ALSO factory workers with even worse pay and dangerous work. the only true “stay at home moms” were from middle and upper class families).
The original commenters point still remains that at this time women could not own property, hold their own bank accounts, or be truly financially independent. If not a husband, it was their father, their brother, their uncle. If the patriarchy does not exist, why was that the case? if men did not fundamentally see women as a weaker sex who needed to be controlled why couldn’t they legally exert their independence?
You are literally just describing the symptoms of patriarchal capitalism and it literally benefits neither gender on average.
I have a lot of respect for stay at home moms, my mother was one, and she worked very very hot. But my father was in a financial position where she could stay at home, and he did not force her to do it. it was a mutual decision that made both of them happy. I, on the other hand, am getting a Masters degree in a lucrative area and want to work. If I was dating someone who saw my work, effort, and degree as less than theirs because I’d give birth to our children, and tell me that he expects me to drop my career? Why not drop his? Don’t be obtuse, it’s sexism.
I think if I was the wife, I would want to know. You can’t spend your life with a liar and he is really risking giving the wife an STD. I think he’s a snake & a liar and a serial cheater.
You are a good person. At the end of the day you can do the right thing by telling her. David is toxic, there will be wrath but you don’t sleep with snakes. Let karma take care of him
Male a plan, het some help from friends and/or family and leave. This guy will not be safe for you or your future baby.
This sounds like a really weird friend circle of hormonal teenagers.
Boundaries are something for yourself, not something you impose on other people. This is an example of controlling behavior. You’re 21 and not allowed to drink or smoke? That’s ridiculous. You are and adult and he is not your father and has no right to impose such ridiculous rules on you.
Um, do you have a high earning potential?
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Your GF made her bed. She put herself in this difficult situation. You are in your right to have her choose, him or you. You won't be okay with her hanging out with him, but she likely doesn't want to give up her friends too.
This doesn't sound like a relationship that's going to survive. I certainly wouldn't be able to stick around.
PS! I saw in a comment that you are afraid of being alone. I understand that, but also that isn't healthy either. If you feel like you need to be in a relationship, then you shouldn't be in one. What I mean by this is, when you're afraid of being alone you put yourself in a dangerous situation where you could let yourself get taken advantage of because the other part knows you're not going to leave them.
My advice for you is to work on this. Have more alone time. Find things you like to do. Go on hikes, do a full clean of your place, make a lavish meal. Learn to not be reliant on someone else for your happiness.
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He obviously felt a rush of excitement in you not knowing what exactly was in the box, and that's a deliberate display of dishonesty and disrespect. You need to tell him how it is and have him apologise to your friend because it's not appropriate at all.
Why do you want to salvage this friendship? She tried to steal your boyfriend right in front of you. She's not a friend. She's a frenemy! Block her and make new friends. I've never once sober or drunk flirted with any of my friends' boyfriends or husbands – it's gross to do that.
it's really going to suck in a few months or years when you aren't in a relationship with him anymore and your family is going to say we told you so.
People on this thread.. wow.. I hope none of your parents broke up over this issue. That’s insanity.
My wife also separates sex from love, but I have had quite a few conversations with her that they aren’t separate for me. I also share your challenge with her low libido. She also hasn’t cheated nor would she cheat. This issue is one the things we as a couple have to work on and work through. I think your wife senses your frustration and since it’s not the same as love, commitment, parenthood to her she’s trying to help you find an outlet. The reality is you don’t want another outlet you just want a better sexual relationship with your wife.
So you have to lovingly work on it. The first thing you do is say no matter the frequency your the one I want to be with and you want to remain faithful with her. And just say that’s your desire.
The next thing is to work on it with conversations. I used to fight with my wife about the frequency, she didn’t like that I would accuse her of not loving me, in reality to her it was just sex. She didn’t like counting, me bringing up when the last time was.. she just wanted to be sex to be something we did as part of our larger story. In other words she wanted the drama out of it.. the drama didn’t help her feel romantic at all. And truthfully how could it.
After that we had conversations about what gets her in the mood. In her case me being confident and desiring her and expressing it with conviction. But also preparing her, letting her know that I desired her early in the day it gave her an opportunity to prepare herself.
Next was to be patient and respectful, even though you desire her it doesn’t mean it will happen that day. You look at the mood as something you both need to help her get too. No pressure, just be confident in it will happen at the right time. If it didn’t happen before bed or you know it won’t happen or she tells you it won’t happen, just be like… well I desire you but hopefully tomorrow works out.
The big thing is to make sure she knows your on this adventure together. Marriage is a long commitment of ups and downs and this is one of those things as we age together we’ll get better at. Many young parents go through this issue.
I’ve felt like this about a partners ex before and it’s an understandable way to feel sometimes. I think its worth considering if there’s anything your partner has done to give you the impression that he sees you as a replacement and if so, if he’s willing to stop doing that thing. And I guess it’s also important to phrase it in a non-accusatory way, so less ‘ you still have feelings for her and you don’t really love me!’ and more ‘I could do with some reassurance about your feelings for me given the circumstances surrounding your previous relationship’
She’s on too high of a dosage. Psychotherapy helps but medication helps even better! This is coming from someone who takes meds and does psychotherapy
Ah yes I forgot that women are the ones ruining relationships because why wouldnt she, not like he had anything to do with it or whatever
This is my advice for her, you can tell her yours and go on with your life
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I want kids 20/100 he wants kids 40/100 I assure you we are aligned on our desire for children and have had many open and happy discussions about it. That was not my main point of concern. But thank you for the advice about the first half.
Ok, I don't know if it's just me, but I find it so gross when people refer to people they've had sex with as “like a sibling”.
This is super suspicious, like maybe you're the side chick. If they started living together when they were dating, that mean they still share a bed? I mean, it just doesn't add up. And even if they are just friends, he is prioritising her comfortability over yours.
In any event, living with your ex who still has feelings for you seems very disrespectful to your current partner.
If you need defend yourself from domestic abuse assault. You are supposed to end it.
If you have to hurt someone you are supposed to protect or be physically attacked by the person that is supposed to love you. You end it. Forever.
But if you don’t know that then you don’t need advice. You are equally toxic.
Choose stability and not repeating broken.
Look OP, you seem so nice and genuine based on your comments. I would highly recommend you just tell your partner point blank you aren't comfortable with these things he's asking of you. if he doesn't like that answer, i think you should tell him he needs to find someone else who will fulfill those sexual desires he has. you deserve someone who is more compatible with you, someone a lot more gentle and less sex crazed (not that sex is a bad thing — it's not, but it all comes down to what YOU are comfortable with) best of luck — there's plenty of great men in the sea ❤️
“How many innocent beings can i traumatize because I don’t want to be single?”